The Danger of The Cult of Personality

Richard M. Nixon was president when I was a senior in high school and resigned when I was a freshman in college.  He is the only president who has resigned.  It made for a very interesting era.

At 17, I was not much into politics.  I hadn't even cast my first political vote.  But, I hated this man. Absolutely. Totally.  Just despised him. If you had asked my 17 year old self who knew everything there is to know about the world, I wouldn't have been able to articulate my reasons.  The truth is, I hated him because everyone else I knew hated him and without understanding Group Think, I too, hated the guy. I grew up in Maryland which is historically Democrat in its politics and no one in Maryland liked him simply because he was a Republican!

                                      

Now as an adult, I understand that he wasn't a totally bad president.  He started the end to the Viet Nam war which should have gained him sainthood status from all of us young people. And, he was the President who began discussions and relations with China that has shaped world policy since. If I knew more about politics, I'd be able to tell you what other things he did well. But, I can't. Just like millions of other Americans who couldn't warm up to his cool, peculiar and distancing demeanor, we just hated him because.

Then along come these two beat reporters from the Washington Post who dug deep and ferreted out the story of a lifetime. Theirs is the story that brought down Nixon's White House around his ears. It's a complicated story as things like this are and too Machiavellian for me to explain in this blog. Essentially, it was all about how Nixon's senior staff and he decided to bug the Democratic National Committee headquartered in the iconic Watergate Building.

Woodstein, as they became known, caught this break of a lifetime because of their unnamed source, known far and wide as Deep Throat.  A Washington insider, this man (whose identity was a closely kept secret for over 30 years eventually revealed to be Mark Felt, the Assistant Director of the FBI,) gave them the info because Washington Elite were incensed that the Republicans would stoop so low as to break the law spying on and wiretapping the opposition party.

The resulting book of the entire affair, All The President's Men became required reading. It was all anyone talked about. And it launched thousands and thousands of students into journalism majors because of the unprecedented event and the Media's power to reveal the truth.  Bernstein and Woodward changed journalism and for a long time, we were better off because we had reporters and editors who understand that a free society must have a Media who is non-partisan and continues to day-light the truth. As a Mass Communication Major, I sat through countless hours in class discussing ethics, truth, these two reporters but with very little frame of reference to the political story. If you've never read it, maybe you should. It's thick and filled with things that I don't understand even to this day but it sure is fascinating the way watching an accident on the road is compelling!

At the start of Nixon's second term, he resigned. Seven top staffers were indicted and served jail time for their actions. Since Nixon's VP, Spiro Agnew (a Maryland Governor,) resigned prior because of fraud and tax evasion, that left Gerald Ford as the next President. Poor guy. I remember him as being nice, bumbling, and basically ineffectual. Again, I could be wrong because I was young and what did I really know? However, I clearly remember the celebratory feelings around that resignation. And just like that, a United States President became Personae Non Gratae.

Now years later, Donald J. Trump is the President. Elected despite what the best political pundits and Media reported and predicted. And, just like Nixon, he is despised by thousands and being protested at every turn. He too, is a Republican. His personality is bombastic and large. It makes him difficult to like and warm up to. He's been in office less than 100 days and daily the coverage is about what he's not done, what he's not been able to accomplish. The news is filled with political infighting, not just between the Dems and Repubs which one expects, but even within the Republican Party itself. While the Dems flat-out admit like it's a good thing, that they plan to oppose him on every thing.

How bad is it? Let me put it this way- if Trump walked on water in front of everyone, I'm afraid the media headlines would be, "Donald Trump Fails To Swim!!!"

Full disclosure, I voted for the man. For the soul purpose of not allowing Hillary Clinton to gain the seat in the Oval. Do I love the man? Not at all. Do I think he is the candidate of my lifetime? Only in how bizarre it all is that he's even the President in the first place.

But now as an adult, and a person who follows politics much closer, what concerns me is not the President so much as our reactions to this President. I am very concerned about the Cult of Personality that seems to be the driving force behind news coverage and our behavior.

Are we so shallow that we only want political leaders whose personality we like? Can the person only be considered a winner if they make us feel all warm and fuzzy? Seriously? Would you choose a surgeon that way? If I were to tell you that the only surgeon who could possibly save your life had the bedside manner of Attila The Hun, would you pass because you didn't like him? My suspicions are that you wouldn't.

So why would you hate the President because you just can't stand his personality? Why would you crow with glee when everything he and his staff attempt to do is thwarted by politics? Why would you hope that our President fail? If he fails we all fail.

Yes, he's difficult to understand and is totally unorthodox.  His communication style makes me cringe. Yes, he's a billionaire. He walks in rarefied air that most of us can't imagine. To be honest, so do most of our politicians who are, while not billionaires, certainly quite wealthy. Even President Obama who everyone loves in terms of his personality is an elite worth many millions. But, Mr. Obama has a much easier personality that's simple to like in terms of being a good family man and a loving husband and father.  Here's the thing, though, so is Mr. Trump. His children are extremely successful and well regarded. His beautiful wife is an immigrant now citizen, who was a successful model, speaks several languages, and is a fabulous mother.

Mr. Trump has many life long friends who say he is constantly supportive and loyal. So, in terms of the Cult of Personality, should we dismiss a person simply because we don't think we'd like them personally? Should that be the criterion? Or should we be making that decision based on their qualifications and accomplishments? Wouldn't those be a more accurate measure?

Interestingly enough, this story has another angle proving that everything in history comes around again. A storm is brewing; no telling where it will all end. It seems as if The Trump Presidency is in the middle of a wiretap controversy just like Nixon's. Only this time, it would be Democratic operatives who are playing fast and loose with surveillance of Trump staffers.

And, I can't help but wonder, where are the Woodwards and Bernsteins who genuinely care more about reporting the truth instead of being contemptuous of the guy who holds the office? Are they even there anymore? Maybe not, but the dangerous Cult of Personality is still very evident.

Namaste' Till Next Time,
Holly aka She Who Is Older And Hopes Wiser

Silent Sermon Sunday

Namaste' Till Next Time,
Holly aka She Who Has Homework To Do

Life With A Lion

While it doesn't happen very often, for which I am grateful, there are times when My Lion and I can get heated with each other.  We have our disagreements that escalate into snarls, but generally we see eye to eye and live very companionably.

Not that on occasion, when he might be having a relatively frustrating day, I haven't had to ask a passer-by if they aren't willing to roll his lips back so I can pull my head out of his mouth.

But mostly, with a bit of returning to our corners, allowing both of us to cool our jets, we get to a place where the roaring becomes a discussion and we have the chance to hear each other out.

And peace returns to The Kingdom once again. Why?  Because he is my mate, my beloved, My Lion. A man of conviction and quality.  A man I can look up to and place my trust safely.

But mostly peace returns because I am a smart woman who understands that a lion has to be the King of his jungle. He has to prowl. Must snarl on occasion. And, I know just the right places to scratch and love. He is My Lion. And, I am blessed, even on those occasions when my head is all wet from lion spit.

Namaste' Till Next Time,
Holly aka A Lion Tamer

Let It Get Cold

When I was teaching Public Relations Writing at Towson Univesity, I told my students to let their writing sit for at least 24 hours before editing. Our brains cannot simultaneously create and correct. So, time is needed for our brains to actually 'see' what's on the page and then the necessary edits and corrections are so much easier to spot. Why? Because the brain resets and sees it as it is, not the way you thought you wrote it. I call this: Allowing Your Writing To Get Cold.

Lately, I've been reading a lot of comments on social media platforms and articles about behaviors in the cyber connection world in which we now live.  And, one of the common threads seems to be the lack of civility and bad behavior we witness or receive.

The real conundrum is the total lack of common sense exhibited by people who simply broadcast everything they do.  Every thought they have.  Every sarcastic or cutting remark goes up for ingestion by the rest of the world.  It's so terribly wrong on so many levels. The absolute lack of understanding that a civilized person does not put their personal stuff out on the sidewalk so people can pick through it, is alarming.

As of the recent election, the amount of stories about bad, horrible behavior and treatment of others on social media has really up-ticked.  While most of us simply thought it would die down post election, which is true to a point, it seems that many people have turned into...

...Internet Trolls.

The Urban dictionary defines a Troll as: “Being a prick on the internet because you can. Typically unleashing one or more cynical or sarcastic remarks on an innocent by-stander, because it's the internet and, hey, you can.”

You might wonder why the name, Troll, which I find pretty accurate and funny.  If you think about the trolls that we all heard about in fairy tales, they seem to live in dark and unsavory places.  They lay in wait under bridges for unsuspecting travelers. Trolls just love frightening before they snatch you up and eat you alive.

If you've ever experienced troll behavior on your social media pages, you know it immediately even if you didn't know what it's called.  You can't help but pull back thinking, "What the hell?  Where did that come from and why did she/he even write that?!?!?!"

The cautionary tale for all of us is: BEWARE!  High stress situations can bring out the hidden troll in all of us.  It's especially upsetting when you are on the receiving end of troll-like behavior from someone you thought was a 'friend' on social media.  You wonder, "What the hell did I write that would cause him/her to be so crappy?"  And, the answer is generally because...

...Social Media has an immediacy that strips away good judgement and polite behavior, especially during emotionally charged times or topics. And, because you're not in the same space with an actual Human Being, looking them in the eyes as it were, we lose our normal filters.  If you had to look at the person with whom you are talking so shitty, well, you probably would hold back.

We are in the brave new world together.  And it's only going to get faster and worse before, or if, it can get better.  As technology shifts, as the world goes faster in a breathless pace of thought to  broadcasting, we must begin learning new ways of being. We must possess new ways of interacting-- new sets of manners and polite behavior.

Because if we don't, all of us will become infected.  All of us will become more Troll than Human Being.

I don't have the answers to what it's going to take to stem the epidemic, but I can start with this one from my teaching days:

When it comes to any topic on social media, especially those that are contentious or highly charged emotionally, before you hit SEND, let your writing get cold.  It's the knee jerk reaction to things that is getting us into Troll territory.  It's not allowing our polite filter to command our response.

When we're speaking and, in a moment of poor judgement, say something that turns out pretty horrible or passive-aggressive, with enough time, the impact will lessen.  Thankfully, we have short memories on so many levels.  But, if you write that same horrible thought, IT LASTS FOREVER! Unless it's deleted, it will be read over and over.

The best I can suggest at this point is, after you let it get cold...even for five minutes and think about how it might sound, you can stop yourself from turning into a troll.

The ultimate test is to ask yourself, "Is it really contributing anything to say it that way? Does it add value or simply cause further strife?"  If the answer to either of those questions is NO, and you would never want someone to comment that way to you, hit DELETE and be a better person for your commitment to be kind instead of an ass-hat Internet Troll.

Namaste' Till Next Time,
Holly aka She Who Never Wants To Be A Troll

Women's Day International

Only women can do the things that women do: Love, Nurture, Care, Laugh, Sing, Contribute, Win, Survive, LIVE!  Be Real Human Beings! Men will do it their way and that's all well and good. Certainly necessary. But, today we celebrate Women contributing and making a difference to this world of ours.

And, just because I love the song and the woman who sings it-

May you have a day that reminds you of your importance to the world around you. Sing it out Girls!

 Namaste' Till Next Time,
 Holly aka She Who IS

Here We Go Again, Sadly!

Way back in 2009, I wrote a rant entitled A Fox In The White House, which you can read if you click the link.  It covered the, then, Obama administration attempting to shut Fox News out of a series of important press interviews.  It didn't happen, thanks to the massive push back by other press outlets as well as the public when they caught wind of it.

Sadly, here we go again. Last week, the Trump White House got embroiled in a similar story. White House Press Secretary, Sean Spicer held a Press Gaggle in his office, which is an off-camera, way more casual, sit-down than a press conference.  At a gaggle, those media outlets attending are more likely to be hand chosen. And it's likely that not everyone who thinks they should be invited will be there. There was no daily press conference held in the Press Room where any with credentials can be included.

Those outlets who weren't included were all supplied with a transcript of what was discussed post gaggle, but that's not really the point. The point is that we should be looking at who was left out. They are some pretty big hitters in the media world:

The New York Times reporter was not asked to attend the Gaggle. Wait!  A major newspaper not invited?!

And, CNN reporters were not included in the gaggle....

...neither was the LA Times included. There were others like the BBC, but let's just concentrate on these three for now.

Hmm, what's the one thing that these three have in common?  They are all pretty liberal in their coverage. And currently, President Trump and his administration are in a battle over their coverage of the White House. When I say battle, I do mean battle.  I've seen contentious relationships between the press and other administrations, but this one takes it to a whole new level.  To be honest, this one being waged by the White House is totally exhausting.

This battle makes the hideous tone of the Press and Nixon White House look like a pre-school tussle over a toy! When challenged, Spicer, later reported that those who were 'excluded'  simply were not part of that day's Press Pool, which changes daily and is decided by The White House Correspondences' Association, not the White House. But still it looks a tad suspicious.

The rest of the Media quickly rallied around those who were left out as they did when Fox was targeted. A petition was circulated. Twitter blew up with the 411. The excluded were defended by the rest of the press. Once again, the press became the news.

Why should you care?  Because the only way for us to continue as a free society is by making certain that all outlets, all angles, of the news are part of the process. Spicer selecting some attendees isn't all that unusual. I admit that as a PR person, I had a list of a few reporters who were fair and easy to work with, whom I would call to pitch a story; that's to be expected. Everyone who works regularly with the Media knows who you can trust and are easy to work with given a choice. But, if what was happening at my organization was breaking news, all outlets were included in the coverage of that news.  Even those not generally positively disposed toward us had access.

No White House administration should ever determine news coverage!  In a free society, you get to decide what news you will ingest!  Those creating the news might think they should decide who will cover it, but the reality is, YOU decide.

And while I really wish you would listen to news sources that are counter to your thinking so you have both sides to consider, at the very least...

...You must have, at your disposal, all versions in order to be free and informed.

Once again, our great system of checks and balances that includes the Fourth Estate, our Media, are actively participating in our civic debate.  You need to as well.

Shame on you, White House, for attempting to have the news covered your way! Even if it's true about the daily Press Pool and you didn't select which sources could attend, the optics are bad for you.

These days, the political leaning of most media outlets is way too obvious for my taste. I believe that reporters and editors need to do a better job of reporting the news instead of being the news. However, liberal leaning or way out on the far right, we're still better off having various news sources from which to pick.

Dear Media with hurt feelings-- let me counsel that if you did your job correctly and simply reported the facts instead of consistently slanting them, you'd be less likely to be left out in the cold.  Just report the news, do not think for me! Give me solid info so I can think for mySelf.

In a way, I'm glad this happened again.  It's a reminder to stay vigilant and OPEN to the other voice. And maybe, just maybe, the owners, editors, journalists will start doing a better job of REPORTING and not COLORING the news.

Namaste' Till Next Time,
Holly aka She Who Listens To Both Sides 

Listen With Curiosity

"Listen with curiosity...The greatest problem with communication is we don't listen to understand. We listen to reply. When we listen with curiosity, we don't listen with the intent to reply. We listen for what's behind the words."

-Roy T. Bennett, The Light in the Heart

Most of us have heard part of this quote...the bit about the greatest problem.  I think the rest of the quote is the most important because, after pointing out the problem with listening, it gives us the ingredient needed to correct it.

Listen with curiosity--  Why does that change everything?  Because if you are curious about something or someone, it shifts how much you are willing to invest to discover the answer.  It's the bit that engages you in a process instead of simply being a witness to something.  It changes you from being passive to active.  It makes you a participator in a process.

There is a vast difference between hearing and listening! When you understand if you are in a hearing state vs. a listening state, you're able to change the communication dynamic when necessary.

So, what's the difference? I find it interesting that when you Google, "images of hearing," you get things that suggest the ear is the most important ingredient. 

But, when you type in, "images of listening," this is what you find...

...countless images of people with various expressions, obvious eye contact, being actively engaged in a process.

You see the connection, feel the interaction.  There is nothing passive about it! You sense that hearing is an autonomic (unconscious or involuntary response,) while listening is a Human, dynamic, spirit involved decision.

The kanji for listening explains it best...

Of equal importance to the functioning ear, is also the involvement of you- your eyes and heart, and your undivided attention.

When all parts of you are involved, you no longer feel the need to reply.  Instead, you are listening to give a great gift to another; you are listening to validate them.  You are listening to give someone the gift of being present.  You are reminding them that they are important, loved, cared about.

Instead of the need to talk, the listener is there to give another Human Being the gift of being Heard.

And, we all know what a relief and validation it is to feel as if we are heard when we desperately need to feel that someone understands or cares how we feel.  You are giving the great gift of one who is willing to really care what we think.

I always say that there's not a Human Being alive who isn't interesting or doesn't have a story that's worth hearing.  But we have thousands of Human Beings who are never asked to share their story with us. And that's a real shame.

Each chance you have to truly listen to someone is an opportunity to invite them to share a chapter of themselves.

While it's often said that curiosity killed the cat, it's also true that meeting each encounter with curiosity means setting the stage for true communication instead of a missed opportunity.  So, today, spend some time being curious about someone.  Use the time to sit still, be open and listen.

It makes all the difference between being simply heard and feeling truly important, even loved. You will give someone the best gift of all.

Namaste' Till Next Time,
Holly aka She Who Is A Good Listener

Only Four Questions of Value

This song continues to be my all-time favorite.  Can any of us really say why a song stands out so importantly?  Probably because of the time and place one first heard it.  Maybe it reminds us of a friend or lover and the poignant remembering of them.

Evan and I were talking one day about dating and how men and women are so different that it's hard to know what to do to make anyone happy.  I said, "If you want to know what women want, go listen, really listen to Bryan Adam's song, Have You Ever Really Loved A Woman?

He answered, "I wish I had money for every time a girl has said that to me..." then I countered, "If that many females have said it, then it's really simple to do your homework and listen.  It's a roadmap for what to do."

So why is this song so wonderful? For me, it's the Flamenco guitar played so fluidly by the great late, Paco de Lucia and the dreamy waltz quality of the music. And most certainly it's the intensely personal lyrics.  It's the passionate, intimate way that Adams sings this song.

I suppose I love it because it takes something so complex and boils it down to the essence of how to live when one is in love.

And for my readers who can't get enough of Johnny Depp, feast your eyes on this one while you listen to Chris Daughtry croon his version of this glorious song.

"There are only four questions of value in life...
 What is sacred?
 Of what is the spirit made?
 What is worth living for?
 And, what is worth dying for?
The answer to each is the same; only love."

Go through you day with love as your focus.  And know that women and men aren't that complicated. We simply hope for a love that we can see and feel every day expressed in the little things.  For, the little things are always the big things.

Namaste' Till Next Time,
Holly aka She Who Is Loved and Grateful

Spining Like A Top

When life seems to be running at a hectic pace that leaves us breathless we say, "I'm spinning in place," or "I feel like a spinning top!"  "Like a Whirling Dervish..."  generally indicates that we're going as fast as we can, attempting to keep up, and feeling exhausted for our efforts.

It can be so defeating, this feeling as if your best effort to stay in control is not enough.  Feeling as if Life is so much bigger than you can manage.

It's interesting that Whirling Dervish has become synonymous for everything spinning out of control when in reality since 1273, this Sufi moving mediation has been bringing Human Beings out of their daily grind and into loving connection with The Divine.  This ecstatic movement is performed by The Mevlevis- the Sufi Mystical Sect, to calm the mind, open the heart, and touch The Creator. The most famous Sufi is the poet, Rumi; the Mevlevis formed to mark his passing from this world and into immortality.

Proving, yet again, that what we think we're seeing is not always what we're seeing. In this case, to be a Whirling Dervish isn't about spinning out of control-- it's about moving with focus and intention. Even when spinning with wild abandon, Dervish don't worry about controlling life. They focus, instead, on dancing their way to an active relationship with life.

The Dervish spins with delight.  Swirls with joy.  Circles with intent.  Starting with one arm up and one down to open a channel to the love that comes from above us and sending it down to the earth. Then slowly both arms raise up and up in praise and connection with The Maker of All That Is.

The Dervish spins to remember the Qur'an teaching, "Hearts become tranquil through the remembrance of Allah."  The moving meditation brings peace to the dancer and to those who witness it. The religion of Islam really is one of peace, but in our world it's been corrupted and taken hostage by angry, hateful people of ill intent. Islam, at its heart, is like all other true faiths with its intention to make us aware that we are all threads in the tapestry of God.

The ecstatic movement of the Dervish personifies the quaint notion, "Dance as if no one is watching!"  They dance with the aim of reigniting connection with The Divine.  They circle and swirl until they lose their limited thoughts of being only Human. They dance in a group to give rise to collective energy and once raised, they share it with all the world for our peace, for our betterment, for our Humanity.

Look at her beautifully peaceful face. Her spins have filled her skirt.  It billows out and encircles her, holding her in a clear moment with her creator.  She is in love.  She shares it with us. At first glance, the movement may seem chaotic and wild but when you see her face, you become aware that things are not always as they seem.

When life seems as if it's all too much, don't stop spinning.  Just change what the spinning means. Change your view point.  Become the Whirling Dervish.  Use the world as music to help your spins bring you peace.

My Darlings, remember to dance through your day and life as if no one is watching! But, know that through it all, regardless of challenges or hard times, The Creator is always joyfully waiting to dance with you.

Namaste' Till Next Time,
Holly

A Goldfish, Seriously?!?!?

I read a fascinating article today on Axios written by Jim VandeHei and Sarah Fisher entitled, "How Tech Ate The Media And Our Minds which I urge you to read too; just click the link.

There are some amazing statistics about what has happened to our way of taking in info, or maybe not taking in information.  It would seem that the total 24/7 bombardment of info available to our smartphones and other electronic devices, has changed how our brains react.

So what does it have to do with that cute little goldfish?

In ten short years since the iPhone has hit the market, millions of years of evolution have been short- circuited: The goldfish now has a longer attention span than you!

"A Microsoft study has found that since 2000, our attention spans have been cut by 25 per cent-- to shorter than that of a goldfish...," Do you not find this shocking? We keep gold fish to watch them slowly circling their bowl and calming our minds.  If the stat is right, we can only do that for 8 short seconds before we have to look at something else. But the gold fish could and would watch us longer!

"Our brains have been literally swamped and reprogrammed. On average, we check our phones 50 times each day — with some studies suggesting it could three times that amount. We spend around 6 hours per day consuming digital media. As a result, the human attention span has fallen from 12 seconds to eight seconds since 2000, while the goldfish attention span is nine seconds. And we just mindlessly pass along information without reading or checking it. Columbia University found that nearly 60 percent of all social media posts are shared without being clicked on."

The timing of this article really struck me because, just yesterday on this blog in Liar, Liar Pants On Fire, I was talking about posting things without fact checking them.  Seems like I am on to something here!

I don't have an answer to this one- it's just part of the evolution of this world of ours, I suppose.  I can't say it's right or wrong... just something to ponder.  It does speak to my concern over people no longer taking time to dig into things; take time to investigate; really read something.  It's probably why magazine and blog readership is down.  Probably because we don't want to invest energy in reading anything longer than a fb post or a Tweet. The stat seems to prove my thinking that we don't want to take time to investigate or learn...we just want to take time to react.

If that Microsoft Study stat is correct it means that you haven't read any further than that first line after the cute goldfish.  I am sitting here alone typing words that you won't read because your eight second attention span has kicked you out of this post...



... and now you're wondering if you have any Goldfish Crackers around because suddenly you have a craving for them. If that stat is correct, you're no longer here with me reading; you've left to go forage for crackers.

Let me know if you find any and are willing to share.  Wait.  What were we talking about?!

Anyone else get a giggle out of the fact that one of the article authors is named Fisher?  Get it?  Goldfish and Fisher?  Hello?

Namaste' Till Next Time,
Holly She Who Is Apparently Not As Attentive As A Goldfish

Liar, Liar Pants On Fire!

Social media, love it or hate it, has completely changed how we deal with each other and how we take in information.  It's still a steep learning curve for most of us.  One area where we all could do better is not spreading falsehoods simply by accepting a post as fact and hitting, "Repost, ReTweet, Rerun." Our childhood taunt of, "Liar, liar pants on fire," should guide what we post!  I wonder, instead of our noses growing when we told a lie, if our fingers caught fire, would we be more careful about what we type?

When I was teaching at Towson University, I had a few class rules.  One of my most stringent was that the Internet could not be the sole or first source of information for papers and presentations.  Was it easier for students to simply sit in front of a computer and type key words into a search block?  Yes. Was it the best source for information?  Not back then and certainly not even now. My students couldn't always grasp that just because it was on the internet, didn't mean the info was verified or correct. Anyone with a keyboard and/or an agenda can add noise without substance to the Internet. As President Reagan said so well, "Trust but verify!" Multiple sources are usually needed.

Maybe this isn't important to everyone, but remember, I was teaching students whose aspirations were to be professional communicators.  And, I believe those professionals need to hold themselves to the highest standard of fact gathering and checking.



In terms of posting to social media, people don't seem to understand the importance of  being factual, true, or accurate.  Is the post real?  Is the story correct?  They simply re-post things without checking first.  I wish I had a dollar for every time I've seen a post with comments,"You need to check this, it's not true." Or, "This is an urban legend!"

Even more amazing is that, even after it's proved wrong, some simply leave it up! A testament to the notion that fiction travels at least three times faster than the truth! If you learn it's incorrect, take it down off your wall!

In the current political climate and the horribly divisive world we now occupy, I believe it's more critical than ever to know that what we post is real.  At least the facts should be real because how we feel about the facts is enough of a powder keg these days to set off fights and bad feelings way more than is necessary.

It's interesting that people easily find info via the internet or on social media and don't stop to think that it's just as easy to check facts before posting.  There are dozens of sites, the sole purpose of which, are to give you the facts.

I like Snopes.  And even though it has come under fire as being liberal leaning, I don't worry about that.  I use them to get baseline confirmation of authenticity.

FactCheck is the other site that I rely upon, especially for political stories.

It's ironic that people can't tolerate having anyone lie to their face, but they don't seem to understand that a lie in print is just as damaging or frustrating as a verbal lie.  Maybe even more so because verbals fade, but once something's in print- it's always there.

The Managing Editor of Snopes, Brooke Brankowski, has the right take on this issue, "If it arouses an emotional response in you- if you see the headline and go, 'I can't believe this, I'm so angry,'- then it's probably something you need to check against something else."

If reading something causes an immediate strong reaction, it's always best to check it.  Your gut is, generally, a great lie detector!  Trust it!

Posting things that you don't know to be correct is the social media version of gossip!  If you can't abide gossip in real time, don't let your social media posts be gossip!

While most people make it their goal to never speak an untruth, we all need to start holding ourselves to the same standard in terms of what we post.

You can trust me.  I always check my facts before posting them for your consumption.  I promise not to lie to you with my mouth or my posts.  I hope you'll all join me in this important challenge.

Namaste' Till Next Time,
Holly aka She Who Tells The Truth

I Don't Know What Possessed Me At Walmart

Yesterday, I was standing in an aisle in Walmart.  Staring at the shelves for something I just knew should be there, but wasn't.  You know that stare...the one where you're looking in your refrigerator, just hoping if you look long enough, something you want to eat will magically appear.  Empty vacant stare  Not seeing what you want.  Wait, is that it?  Yeah?  No, false alarm.  THAT stare.

At any rate, while I was intently looking, to the corner of my awareness came people pushing a cart. My staring contest was slightly interrupted by a youngish male voice saying, "Well that's just stupid, Mom."  To which said mom replied quietly, "Please don't speak to me like that."  I continued staring for my desired item.

The very next statement the kid made was, "Well it is Mom, sometimes you sound dumb as shit!"

And I truly don't know what possessed me, but before I knew it, I could feel my eyes blazing, and I whipped around and to the kid I said, "Excuse me, young man, I do not know you but I will tell you this: don't you ever speak like that again.  This woman is your MOTHER and she deserves your respect.  She most certainly does not deserve to be spoken to like that EVER!  Especially not from you and especially not in public where others can hear your ignorance and wonder about how stupid you sound!!!"  There was a split second of shocked silence...I think all three of us were shocked.

The kid mumbled, "Well, she just sounds dumb sometimes!"  I felt the possession growing as I replied,"You don't get to say that to me or anyone else.  She is your MOTHER!"  He looked down and turned red.

Here's the funny thing.  While I was having the exchange with that kid, the woman standing beside me started to alter her being.  I could feel her energy change.  She was round shouldered and small when this got started, but I swear to you I could feel her shoulders pull back and her head come up and she felt secure...quiet...but secure.  It was so odd to feel that shift.

The kid mumbled petulantly, "I think I'm going to go wait in the car."  And both of us together said, "Good idea!"

I turned to walk away but before I left, I said to Mom, "Please forgive me for getting involved in your private business.  It's just that I know he was raised better than that, and you certainly deserve better than that from him."  She looked at me and said, "Oh don't worry about it, you're right, he was raised better than that."  She never acknowledged the most important part which is that she deserves better.  That's a real shame.

Here's what makes me wonder now in this age when we can no longer truly parent, discipline, correct, admonish, direct, or punish our kids for fear of social or legal retribution:  How do we deal with them when they become so emboldened that they have no idea of the limits?  How do we deal with them when we have entitled them to hold us emotionally and mentally hostage?  Like the boy yesterday in public, speaking like that because he probably knows his mother's not going to take the risk of  lowering the boom and being thought of as a bad parent? How is that in any way fair?!  Just?  How is it in any way good for a young person to have the world cow-tow to them and never get the crap smacked out them for being rude, mean, tyrannical? Why do we no longer believe in taking the immediate, sometimes harsh, measures necessary to gain an attitude adjustment?!  Why is their personal self-esteem more important than their manners and civility?

We become increasingly alarmed at the lack of civil connection young people seem to exhibit.  We bemoan how they all act as if it's all about them with never a thought about those around them.  We scream about the increase in bullying.  The increase in petty meanness.  Yet we don't seem to make the connection between the increase in terrible behavior with the way we have abandoned some basic tenants of parenting! The need to discipline, punish and set limits is a necessary part of parenting.  It's the key to turning a young wild animal into a Human Being fit for living in, and contributing to, society!  Setting limits is part of loving a young Spirit...so is just discipline.  They are actually a form of love just as much as a hug and a kiss.

How did we allow this world to turn the need to set limits, require one to speak in a respectful, civil way, and basic discipline of a young person into a sin and a crime?!

Oddly enough as I walked away, I realized all that time I was in the wrong aisle; I wanted the next aisle over. That's where the hot sauce I was searching for is shelved.

Namaste' Till Next Time,
Holly aka The Thunder

How Things Are Worded

I've been absent from my blog for awhile for a variety of reasons, most of them just general life craziness, and being ill for the first few weeks in the new year...but here it is March and I'm just a slacker.  Clearly, I can't multi-task like I used to; but I digress. I need to thank one of my readers, Joan, who sent me an message to make sure things were all right and let me know she still comes looking for blog posts.  That made me feel really good, Joanie, so thanks for that.  I'd like to tell her that it was her comment that got me back here, but I'd be fibbing.  While it did remind me that I've been remiss and make me cringe a bit, it was a disagreement I had today with Michael that brings me to the keys.

He was saying that he is distressed about a story he heard today on the news about how some of the NHS hospitals in England are placing, "still-borns, and (spontaneously or deliberately,) aborted fetuses in their incinerators, even importing them from other hospitals, and in efforts to stay in compliance with green energy mandates, using them to heat the hospitals."  Well no wonder he's distress, that's absolutely terrible and appalling!

And, I got my back up totally, too.  But, perhaps not for the reason you might think. I got angry because the story is, excuse the pun, totally inflammatory!  Let me explain why....

You all remember that I have been the spokesperson and Public Relations Director for a couple of hospitals, right?  Most large hospitals have incinerators on their campuses.  It is a way to stay in direct control of the refuse, garbage, and other waste material that hospitals generate.  It is a way to keep things that may be contagious, contaminated or problematic out of landfills .  But, mostly, it is so the institution stays in direct control of things that are no longer viable or necessary- such as amputated limbs and tissue samples. Hospitals have a moral responsibility to care for the disposal of these Human remains, and most do not take that responsibility lightly.

Now, before you go all crazy, let me tell you that these incinerators are highly maintained and in most cases even exceed the EPA regulations about particulate matter that is released, etc.  The heat is so very high in these incinerators that the burn turns into vapor and the particulate is almost none existent.  If the hospital with an incinerator belongs to a health system that has smaller hospitals as members without incinerators, it's not uncommon for those to transport their medical waste to the incinerator for burning.  There are a great deal of local, federal, and general approvals that must be acquired for this to happen, but it's not unprecedented.  Using their own resources is a cost control issue for the health system, being less expensive than hiring a contractor.

Why do I know this?  Because one of the hospitals in which I worked, was built smack in the middle of many neighborhood communities.  It truly is a community hospital.  And, when stories would hit the media about incinerators and other horror stories, I would have to refresh my knowledge of current EPA regulations and our incinerator's specifications, and be ready to respond to the concerns that our neighbors would have, yet again, thanks to the Media stories.  Not that I blamed them for their concerns, and to be honest, I totally enjoyed dealing with these sorts of scenarios.  We actually invited them to come in to see it if they wished.  When our health system considered using our incinerator for some of the waste of our member hospitals, we gained legal approvals, but met with so much resistance from our local communities and neighbors, that we did not pursue it further.

Now with Green Energy regulations taxing the resources of  most companies to remain or even meet incredibly tough regulations, it's not surprising that institutions are looking at the energy they expend to run their incinerators, their facilities, their plants, their operations in order to see how it can be recaptured in terms of benefit to the facility, in this case the hospitals in England have put in place a mechanism to heat their facilities from the heat the incinerator generates.  I say it sounds like an excellent case study in re-cycling!

But while Mother Jones or Greenpeace might find that sort of recycling story of interest, I can tell you the general Media will not.  There's no there, There.  It's a non-story.  But, talk about using babies in your incinerator to heat your building ?  You cruel, unfeeling bastards!  Now that's a story!!!!!

And, that's also crap.  Does the Media care that a gangrenous leg is placed in an incinerator for disposal?  How about a biopsy sample?  Or tumors? Or an appendix, or a ruptured spleen?  NO!  That wouldn't grab your attention.  But fetuses and babies?!  Now we're talking!!!!

Use those words in your story and you get images of sweaty goon-like men standing around tossing Hansel and Gretel into an oven...or tiny defenseless children into the flames of hell!  Worst of all, those poor innocents are simply, uncaringly tossed in with the left over salad from patient trays, and cardboard, and other junk that no one needs or wants.  It's the stuff of concentration camps.  And all to keep your sorry, insensitive butts toasty warm.

All of it- not true.  The people who run incinerators are specially trained.  They know that they are supposed to treat the Human parts with respect.  Most are not burned with the general waste.  They are held until there are enough for a separate burn.  Can I guarantee that Human remains aren't mix in with other refuse to be burned?  No.  I can't.  But, I do know what I know.

At the Catholic hospital for which I worked, the priests preformed a blessing over those parts and remains before being burned.  I always loved that additional reverence, but even at the non-faith-based institutions, the requirement for respect is still there.

At all hospitals, when a woman loses her baby, she is immediately offered professional support.  The labor and delivery staff don't treat those sad cases as less than a baby.  That lose is a baby, no matter what month it happens.  Generally the mother is asked if she would like to have her baby prepared for burial.  Many choose that option, and I might also add that most funeral homes offer their services gratis in those sad cases.

But if a woman undergoes an abortion, or if the parents do not wish to bury their baby, how would the remains be handled?  By the hospital; in their incinerator; with respect.  Even though this is something the average person wouldn't even think about until the Media decides to sensationalize a normal part of back room operations into a horror story.

Or would you and the Media prefer that the hospital simply ship it off to a landfill?  How about those amputated limbs?  Those breast biopsies?

I can't speak for how health care is delivered in other countries.  I can only attest to what I know from my own experience here in the United States.  But, I will say this...most Human Beings who decide to make a career in health care, despite how difficult it is becoming, continue to go in each day to make a difference and bring comfort to those who are in need and suffering.  Do they succeed every minute of every day?  No, but they certainly try.  They do not for one moment, take death lightly.  Do they see it all the time and become hardened to it?  Perhaps, but not when it comes to labor and delivery and the lose of one of those babies.  I don't accept that version of this news story.  And, neither should you.

How we word something changes it from something to ponder into something to horrify.  And, with all the harsh things in this world, does the Media really need to make it worse?  NO!  But, then again, I'm not in the Media and worried about my bottom line, the viewer numbers, advertising revenue, and market share.  However, you need to be aware, that those are the criteria that drive all of their stories...not, as you might think or hope, informing you about the world around you.

And, as it relates to this post, there is a reason we say, "You don't want to know how the sausage is made."  There are many aspects to running complex operations that you have never considered or even thought to wonder about.  Perhaps that's all for the better.  But, when the Media brings it up, it's best to always remember The Media has an agenda for putting forth a story.  Always.

Okay, So I Caved

 So, last night after many months of thinking it's totally stupid, I finally caved and set up a Twitter account.  My first Tweet was deeply profound, so I will share it here with all of you, "It was time.  I finally joined.  Welcome, Holly to the Twitter world."  I know, right?  Where do I come up with this stuff?!

The reason I avoided it for so long is that it is technology that totally alludes me in terms of its importance and necessity.  I mean, really, it's like a drive-by strafing of thoughts.  Who cares, I think, WTF?  What does this add to my life except one more responsibility and chance to make noise?

The other reason I waited is because I don't own a smart phone.  I don't even have a texting package on my phone.  I used to have an iPhone, but when I got my iPad, in an effort to cut down on expenses, I opted to only pay for one data package and I use my iPad more than I ever use a phone.  Twitter was built for on the fly communications via phones.  You can even post pics with the phone, upload via Instagram and wham, the link is up on Twitter with a quick caption.  No phone? Didn't seem to make a a lot of sense.  But, then I thought, "Well, I suppose I could use it on my iPad and laptop, but why the hell would I do that?!"

 The more I pondered it, the more I realized I had the very same reaction when a few years back, a communication professional I really respect asked me, "Why aren't you blogging?  You should be.  You have a great writing style that is totally in sync with blogging."  In my head where I live and it's sunny all the time, I was saying, "WTF?  Who cares what I think and what difference would what I say mean to the world except to clog up the Internet even further?!  Why would I ever blog?!" 

I started to think about it and I had to admit, probably for the same reason some of us keep a journal.  I stopped doing that years ago, and I now realize that blogging has become my open journal that I invite you to come and snoop around.  I don't really think I'm an exhibitionist, but neither do I shun the hot spot light.  And, I have often wondered why I even bother.  That's when I realize that at some point, blogging stopped being solely for my amusement and more about my need to feel validated and heard.  My need to be part of the big world.  To my mind, that's when the slippery slope started on so many levels. 

My first venture into socializing via media was with Facebook as it was for millions of us.  I can't imagine not checking in on my loved ones this way now, but I'd be fibbing if I told you it isn't a total mind suck sometimes.  And, I'd be misleading if I didn't admit I don't know what it's really good for and why I bother. 

My friend, Toni, the other day openly and candidly announced on her wall, "Still trying, and failing, to understand Facebook."    If you are over the age of 40 something, you're lying if you don't admit to the same.

It took me a long period of questions from Michael about the use of it all before he decided to take the plunge and open his own fb account.  Now he uses it all the time, but the reason he does is because his company is into it big time. He has a Twitter account, but never uses it.

Most likely because I was on fb, I started getting invites from LinkedIn and because I have worked independently for years and it seems to be the site where professionals go to connect up, I decided to join.  However, I get very little action from it, most likely because I don't really understand its benefit.

I was surprised the other day when I saw that my account had been viewed by a job recruiter.  She had done this prior to our conversation.  I wish I'd received better news from her than I did, but I'm left with the impression that it's most likely time to reinvent myself professionally now that I'm a senior in the job market world.  And I most likely need to modify my expectations and desires.  Sad to say. 

The point is, that after I realized that my profile on that site was looked at prior to a conversation, I got on it right away to freshen it up and added to it.  It reminded me of a very valuable point- if you put your info out there, you must do regular house-keeping and maintenance!   Or, if you decide it's not of value, take it down!  You wouldn't leave important documents out on the street, would you?

Here's one I also joined, and admit I totally don't get.  If you do and you like it, let me know what I'm missing and how I can make it better or I think it will have to go.  What's different about it than Linked In is a mystery to me.

Anyone?
No?  Hello? 

Here's one I really thought I'd like after I kept reading about it on my friends' walls and in their blogs.  Some people have found this to be like crack...they simply can't leave it alone and find that they lose hours a day drifting on here.  Turns out, this one I haven't really got the knack for.  It's a highly visual site; think of it as a virtual bulletin board where you can pin/post the most wonderful things that capture your interest.  Sounds good, yes?  But you have to be willing to search the Internet like a blood hound to find stuff.  At least that's how it feels to me.

Now, friend Toni who is still attempting to understand fb?  Well, she's outstanding at this Pinterest thing because, although she is good with words, she is a highly creative, visual person and her art leads her in that direction with no effort.  Me?  Not so much.  We all know words are my wheel house.

This is my friend, Annie.  You can tell that she is young and full of excitement about life.  I love her; she keeps me fresh in my thinking.  Many moments have been spent in discussion about these various outlets for crazy I've listed here.  To her credit, when she doesn't know, she'll say so, however she knows way more than I ever will.  When I listen to her talk about what she does with all of this stuff, she fuels my interest in trying.  She is my social networking muse!  She never gets down on me for not understanding...very patient is my Annie and her enthusiasm is infectious so I keep at it. 

It strikes me that all of these Social Media tools, for us of a certain age, are no different than the telephone effected people when they became available for in-home installation.  Most people said, "I've never had one, I don't need it, and I don't want that contraption in my house!"  When something is new, brand new, it's hard to imagine what benefit it can have to your daily life.  I maintain, however,  that even though some of the technology is absolutely not relevant to you, it doesn't mean you shouldn't poke around in it to learn how it works. I'm sure when Human Beings first got up off four feet and onto the back two, they couldn't imagine how important that would be to things, either!

The fact is, we do not yet know what Social Media is going to mean to us and our lives.  We're just at the beginning of it and it's being invented as we go.  You can choose to stay out of it until the bugs are worked out, or you can get in it now and paddle around in the pool.  Up to you.

But, let me remind you, this is different from a car or a widget you might wish to buy.  It's not an inanimate object.  What this is, is Human Beings relating in a digital age.  It's their voices you hear, even though you're reading the words or viewing the images they post.  It is how they are connecting to each other.  It might seem cold and impersonal to us who grew up in a different age and stage, but if you ask someone like Annie, she would find it hard to imagine life any other way.  Relationships and life for her is done through tweets and walls and pinning and linking in.  Her tools for reaching out and touching and hugging are via a computer and her phone.

And yet, she finds the best of all communication is face to face.  However, unlike most of us, she'll more than reach for the chance to keep in touch via electronics and social media instead of waiting until she can have that face to face encounter.  I think my young friend is most certainly wiser than I am in this regard.

So, I'm going to follow her lead, feeling truly stumbly and stupid while I do.  Hell, I really don't have many people who will follow me on any of these sites so my blunders will go unnoticed-- I hope.  I can at least put myself out there.  And, that's why I caved and joined Twitter. If nothing else, Twitter will teach me to express myself in a very narrow format; you only have 140 characters to work with!   If you care to follow me there to see how it goes, it's @HollyDietor.

Oh, and by the way, if you decide to follow me on this blog or anywhere else now that you've seen Annie, I'll be pissed that you didn't do it for my wit and wisdom, but I'll understand.  She is gorgeous, isn't she?!  And, I'm willing to do whatever it takes to connect.

Namaste' Till Next Time,
Holly aka She Who Is Stumbling Through The Digital Age

I Can Do This

I am sitting here in front of this screen and key board.  Sitting.  Looking out the window at a day that refuses to come about...so gray that lights should really be on in the room so I can see.  I won't put the lights on.  It's day for heaven's sake.  Or should be.

I look at the screen which presents me a blank page waiting.  Full of possibility.  Waiting.  Waiting.  Waiting.

Instead of fingers drumming on the computer keys, typing out big ideas, my fingers sit and drum the desk...while the paper screen simply waits.

I can do this.  I said I was going to do this.  I always do what I say...or attempt it at a bare minimum.  I.  Can.  Do.  This.

I take a drink from my bright red mug now half full of rich brown coffee.  It's getting cold.  I don't mind.  If I'll drink iced coffee, what diff does it make if it's no longer piping hot?  Waste not, want not.

I rub my hands together, like a piano player warming up for the playing of the first few notes.  I sigh.   I stop.  Okay, progress...now I'm letting my fingers drum rapidly on the keys just to hear the plastic sound they make as if it might kick start my typing actual thoughts worth reading.

I look over at Fiona laying sprawled out on the floor and am struck once again that dogs do not allow angst into their lives.  Well, maybe if a chipmunk is outside the door taunting them and they can't get out fast enough to attempt its death.  Otherwise, no angst.

And I think that's how I'm feeling while I'm staring at this blank page, like it's a post chipmunk just taunting me.  Because I. Got. Nothing.

The grandfather clock ticks...when it's the sound I can hear the loudest, it's truly empty in my head.  More rapid drumming on the keys...  now Rory is here stretched out quietly.  Argyle goes sprinting by at a sound somewhere else in the house.  In constant motion and exploration, this dog not yet a year old, finds every thing to do with nothing. 

But I can't find one good thing to do with a blank piece of  paper today.  The phone rings; a momentary reprieve!!!

Damn, short conversation means I'm back at it again.  More drumming on the keys.  I spell-check a word, it comes up nothing....what?  Sigh...get out the Webster's.  I'm struck yet again at how many words are not in spell check and so don't get exercised.  I worry we'll lose our rich and deep language as we go.  Okay, now you're just chasing your tail; get back on point.

Laundry waits; the bed needs to be made; powder room needs a wipe-down.  Dinner needs to be decided.  Meatloaf or chicken?  What are you going to post today?!

Come on, is it going to rain or not?!  Do I have everything I need to make meatloaf?  Meatloaf it is, then.

Obviously, I can do this...maybe tomorrow.

Namaste' Till Next,
Holly aka The Non-Blogger