Tuesday, April 27, 2010

Going Mayan Way?

Most likely, I could sneak away and you'd never known I was gone. That's because I've been such a slacker with my blog. Imagine me allowing life issues to take precedence to my blog!

However, I'm sort of excited about this excursion and wanted to let you know I'll share my adventures when I'm home again. It won't really be long at all; too short in fact, when you consider what a major pain in the ass it is to travel outside of the country these days!

I hope I have something as wonderful as this image to share from our time in Mexico upon my return.

Wish me luck...I don't think they still sacrifice humans there, do they?

Although, I'm sure when I asked that question, some faces appeared before you that you'd happily offer up if the sacrifices are still going on...juz sayin'.

Namaste' Till Next Time,

Sunday, April 25, 2010

Silent Sermon Sunday

It is never too far to find each other.

~ E. B. de Vito

Namaste' Till Next Time,
Holly aka She Who Once Was Lost But Now Is Found

Thursday, April 22, 2010

Ben Ruthless...berger

Any of you have 28 year old son? Mine is 24. Close enough for me to relate. Think about some of the yelling matches you've had with said son. Think about the times when you've wanted to bang your head against the wall and wonder who you should kill first, you or him.

Think about all the hours you've prayed hoping he'll act responsibly and demonstrate the values you've worked so hard to instill in him. Consider all the hopes you've had for him to be thought of as a gentleman, if not a scholar. Oh, hell, go for both! A gentleman and a scholar and his good looks are exceeded only by his pleasant personality. Yeah, that's it, think how hard you've worked in hopes of hearing that said one day about your baby boy.

It takes all your heart and soul to bring him safely to a certain point, giving him the foundation of faith, values, morals, and an understanding what it takes to be Real. All too soon you come to the awful spot where you know you've done all you can do and the rest is up to him. You still continue to pray and hope; that's what a parent does most.

Okay, now picture your 28 year old son, and imagine you're in ancient Rome and your son has proven to be all but invincible in the Colosseum, at the Circus, where men are pitted against each other for sport. Fights to the death are the norm. Maiming and cursing, and hurting and swearing, and having your every carnal need attended to because you draw the crowds by the thousands! He is a Gladiator! An elite class. He is a highly trained warrior!  Staggering amounts of money have been invested in him. Oh, you are so proud of your son, now a leading Son of Rome!

However, when he comes home occasionally for a pasta dinner, you can't help but notice that your darling little boy has become a brute. The bravado and swagger that keep him alive against the attacking Goths, is too big in your tiny villa. His flip and off-handed way of dealing with every other person in the family, as though they were there for his amusement and to meet his every need, becomes really insufferable.

You start thinking, "What a monster you are becoming all for the sake of the roar of the crowds and the money that is thrown at you. When did being one of Rome's favored citizens give you the right to act like a brute?! I raised you better than that!!!"

See where I'm going with this?

The Pittsburgh Steelers beloved quarterback, Ben Roethlisberger is in deep dookie at the moment. Most reasonable fans could see the trend building to a bad outcome. The NFL Commissioner just suspended him without pay for six games, (a loss of about $3 MILLION in salary, holy crap!) for acting in ways unbecoming of a gentleman. For acting in ways that do not exhibit the values and behavior expected from players. And, while he's not the first to act out big time in public, wow, he's continually stepping his big feet into really big shit. Not criminal perhaps, but certainly not moral or ethical.

So, from this point on in the discussion, I'm going to look at Ben from a Public Relations professional's slant. I'm going to consider it as though he is a client of mine. In PR, my job is not to judge a situation; my job is to represent it as correctly and truthfully as I can based on the facts and the legal constraints that may prohibit me from saying everything that someone might want to know.

And, if I was Ben's PR guru I'd grab him by his ear, (if I could even reach it,) yank his face down to mine and within inches of said face I'd hiss, "What the hell are you thinking? Oh, check that, clearly you don't think!!!! So this is how it's going to be moving forward or I'm walking, are we clear?!"

I'm an excellent PR professional, but I'm not sure even I could sell this prize pig at the market right now. Even though there have been no legal charges, he continually finds himself in the middle of a murky stew of poor judgment, boorish behavior, and an emerging pattern of outright ruthless conduct when it comes to women. Regardless, as a PR person, I must put aside my personal feelings; I'm not hired to judge the right or wrong of the facts. My role is to give my considered opinion about the situation, craft a plan for communication and exposure, and represent the client in the best possible light to the public. I told you I was good...

But, here's the thing-- I can't successfully work with a client if he won't do his part and work with me by listening to and following my sound counsel. I can't help if he continues to surround himself with shady sycophants instead of ethical individuals who wish to help, guide, and assist. I can't care more about an individual's reputation than he cares about it for himself. I can't continually tell the public that it was just an unfortunate confluence of events predicated upon a young, powerful millionaire athlete, out on the town to blow off steam, combining with the mis-directed desire for young women or men to be close to that energy.

I can't talk about his merits as a gladiator, which is what our modern day football players are, in hopes that this status will prompt us all turn a blind eye and say, "Well, okay, I don't like it but it's perfectly understandable." I can't continue to bleat, "It's not Ben's fault, it's the fault of the young woman in question..."

And to further compound the dilemma, ethically, I am obligated to walk away from a client if I know, without question, they are lying or purposely acting dishonorably. I will not put my reputation on the line if the client isn't willing to do the very same.

If he continues to find himself in the middle of shit storms of poor behavior when it comes to women, even when charges don't stick, eventually any sane person, fan or not, is going to start to think, "Yeah, but where there's smoke there's fire."

But, let's go back to your 28 year old boy. Give him millions of dollars. MILLIONS! Give him a very public personae. Give him a golden arm that makes him the darling of the citizens who jam the stadiums each time he steps onto the field. Give him all of that and then ask yourself, despite all your home training, the hours you invested emotionally, mentally, physically, energetically in your little boy...

...would he behave any better than Ben seems to behave? You could desperately hope, but you'll never know with absolute certainty.

Famed Steelers Quarterback, Terry Bradshaw recently said it best for many of us, "Ben doesn't like me very much, and I'm beginning not to like him very much." Sad. I want the old Ben back, the respectful, eager, talented guy who showed such promise.

Today, say a prayer for Ben's mom. And for him if you're so inclined. But definitely for his mom who must be so sad. Having done all she could, seeing her boy rise to such heights, only to see him be yet another victim of the system that makes it so easy to plunge into the eighth level of hell.

A system that has caused her baby boy, Ben Roethlisberger, Big Ben to all of The Steeler Nation, to become Ben Ruthlessberger. There are no winners in this issue, I'm sad to report.

Namaste' Till Next Time,
Holly aka She Who Prays For Her Son

Tuesday, April 20, 2010

Magic Brew...

My Lion is away in Texas this week for training. He says it is going well. He's anxious to get moving on his new role in this company that continues to astound him for their principals and the way they conduct their business. More about that another time.

I find that after the goodbyes at the door, I don't mind when he's gone. I miss him terribly, but I don't mind that we're not together. It gives us a chance to coo to each other on the telephone the way we did when we were dating.

Last night we talked to each other countless times on the commercials during "24", one of his favorites. There are rules about watching this show; absolutely no talking while Jack's on the screen. All talking must remain suspended until the commercials. I never broke the rule and it may be why he decided he loves me...I can't be certain. So last night we talked during the commercials like when we were first dating and I love it.

I suppose the 11 years I lived on my own will always color the way I live now. I miss Michael like crazy, but I'm absolutely all right with being here alone. Except last night was trash night and I hate taking it out and that's his job, so...

But there are good things, too. Like this morning... I got out my French press and made the most delicious cup of coffee. The foam that created on the top as the grounds swirled in the boiling water...ahhh, heavenly.

There's lots about me that Michael cannot really relate to, like my obsession with teas, my preference to drink my coffee from a press, rubber stamps. There are others, but let's just leave it here. The beauty of it all is that he accepts them as part of me and loves me because of them, not despite them.

So having the time apart means that I can bring out the French press, and treat myself to the perfect cuppa. So perfect in fact, I'm sharing it with you.

It even came with its very own butterfly to make me smile. See it? Or have I truly lost my mind? Please tell me you see it...

I've been in such a twist lately about all this selling of our home and the unknown of what and where at the end of this part of the journey. So uncertain, so many questions so few answers, so little control over the variables, so, so, so MUCH...feeling so sad about leaving my home here and the neighbors I have been lucky enough to make here. All of which has log jammed my spirit and my thoughts.

I suppose it's only natural to be wistful about saying goodbye to those things....

...saying goodbye to this front door when the time comes.

But after serious soul searching in the quiet hours this week, I realize that all I can do is open my hands, my heart, and my mind to possibility and accept that I must walk in faith in the absence of facts to steer me. I had a long discussion last night with Spirit when I finally said, "I trust, I believe, I walk one step at a time guided by your greater vision and knowing."

This morning's daily meditation, was this answer:

Believe in God's infinite capacity to surprise and delight us with a future that will be blessed in ways we cannot imagine or anticipate.

Thank you for letting me know you heard me.

So today, I spend my day cleaning up the house again in anticipation of someone soon wanting to buy this house so I can move forward to building our home again regardless of its shape and address with Michael....

...and of course, my wonderful Rory & Fiona.

Namaste' Till Next Time,
Holly aka She Who Believes

Monday, April 19, 2010

I know That!

Perhaps not the best way to start a new week, this thinking about guilt. I mean, who really wants to face it? But, two of my daily messages talked about it, and I couldn't help but be reminded of what I know, what I absolutely believe to be true....

Let's all take a moment and be reminded that guilt is a totally empty, wasteful emotion. Guilt is a waste of your precious energy! And, it's probably one of the heaviest weights you rest on your psychic shoulders.

But we do it all the time without even stopping to consider...WE do it to ourselves.

No one makes us feel guilty; we allow ourselves to be guilty. No one can make us shoulder the burden of it and wrap ourselves in the stifling air of it. We do it to ourselves.

Stupid, when you think on it. I know all this and yet...

I'm not sure if guilt is swirling around in my emotional stew of late, but I sense it's there, just like I can sense the taste of cilantro in food, "Oh yeah, there it is....I so don't like Cilantro. Why does everything have Cilantro in it lately?!"

I suspect that with trying to sell the house and wondering what we'll have left to start over, and not being able to find a job in all the time we've been here, and knowing how much pressure Michael has been under as we built this glorious house and lived our charmed life, how hard he's worked to make ends meet every month, and I always seem to fail to help him, oh the shame of it all!

Oh, yeah, see? There it is. It's in there. My Emotional Cilantro. Found you! Yuk.

Things are what they are. Life is built one decision at a time. At the end of it, does it make you a better, more aware, compassionate, conscious person? Do you know more about yourself on your quest to become Real? If so, stop wasting the remaining time carrying guilt around. Accept it as it is, all of it, even the parts you wish you could do over.

And realize you probably did the best you knew how to do at the time. Sometimes life is just life and there is no deeper meaning. We've all heard about random acts of kindness; if that can happen than random acts of crappy are also possible. Sometimes we just get dealt crappy cards. Sometimes it simply is what it is unfortunate as it may be.

Or, maybe you didn't do the very best and you know that. Sometimes we're just bone heads that do less than stellar things. Maybe you just slacked off when you should have tried harder. Yeah sometimes... Even so, you're still ahead of the game if the next choice you have to make is the best choice you can make. You're still ahead.

Remember, life is not played in innings or quarters; it's a sum total game. If you're breathing, you still have time. Don't waste it! Drop the guilt; feel the new lightness of Being. Pick your head up and square your shoulders. Today is a new day look it in the eye and smile. Make today your new favorite guiltless pleasure!

Namaste' Till Next Time,
Holly aka She Who is Momentarily Guiltless

Sunday, April 18, 2010

Silent Sermon Sunday

God gives us these growing things as signs and symbols of redeeming love for the whole of Creation.

Vigen Guroian

Namaste' Till Next Time,
Holly aka She Who Hopes to Continue to Grow
photo from my wonderful gardens

Monday, April 12, 2010

Well, The Cat's Outta The Bag Now...

They say that change is a good thing. Who the hell are they anyway? What do they know about me really? But, I digress. Let's just go with the notion that change is good for us Humans. You all know by now how much I struggle with it. I'm just not one of those who has an easy time flipping off to new things. Change is foisted upon me most likely because I resist it so long that it's the only way it can happen.

So here I am again. Staring down the barrel of major change. There's a sign on the lawn that proves it's here. No more laying low and letting you wonder what's going on with me and where the hell have I been? That's over. The cat is out of the bag; the sign clearly states, "For Sale By Owner."

Yes, we're moving. Someplace. To be determined. My fabulous red kitchen will be turned over to another. My home that was built just five short years ago will be the address of someone new.

And, there-in lies my drama and sleepless nights. Had we known we were going to sell a house like this one in five years, would we have done it the same? Would we have invested so much money into completing it down to the last detail? Hard to say. But, we always did our improvements or up-grades with our eyes toward the future. We did it for the purposes of re-sale. It's just that we didn't think we'd be attempting to sell it so soon.

Can anyone say, 'equity build up?' Can you pronounce, 'Selling a home in a down market?' Can you say out loud, 'Umm, do you think we'll re-cop enough to rebuild where we're going?' If not, then what?! How am I supposed to know if I'm going to be more employable than I was here so that we can determine what we can afford?! I'd like to think I will be, but crap, I never thought the job market would have been the way it was for me the entire time we were here in Western PA! Who would have ever thought that?!

Can you say, working for weeks to make sure that every closet, every drawer, ever nook and every space is spot on cleaned out and organized? Can you say, making sure that the rugs are constantly vacuumed, the dust can't be written in, the dog toys stowed away?

Can you consider living like a guest in your very own home?! Good god, what a trial.

Can you say, 'Look through your home and remove most of the personalization from it? Pictures, brick-a-brack, treasures...STUFF!'

Can you relate to me hating HGTV now as I posted earlier because they've turned us into a nation of people who think that only two things are required of them as the buyers:
a.) write the check
b.) put shoes under the bed that first night as though you have minion to do all your bidding...

Thanks HGTV, because of you, we have no notions of wanting to do anything to a home for ourselves...we don't want to work to make it ours. Nope, that is all supposed to be done in advance of the sale. Yep. YOU, the homeowner, are to do all the heavy lifting. Yeah...well, I've done so much of that over the last bunch of weeks that I have blown out my knees and my arms so that I'm in constant discomfort.

And still the work to do is a mountain in front of me.

Yesterday, I spent the entire day...let me say it again...ENTIRE day crafting a web page for our house sale. Did I tell you that technology and I are not such good friends? I did? Okay, well let's not go over the same ground again.

But, it's done. Yeah, a web page for selling the house is done. (I've started calling it The house, not Our house. The psychology of that has helped me in the de-personalization process.) Now I just have to wait for weeks to get the web address in the the search engines of Goggle, Yahoo, etc....so that when you go searching for....Houses for sale by owner 15601, or western PA, or whatever crazy way you'd search, this address comes up for your consideration.

So, do me a favor, and take a look at it and let me know what you think. If I left necessary stuff out, would you tell me? If it looks good, give me an atta' girl... If you know someone who's looking in the area, by all means tell them!


Yeah...we're moving. That's as much as I know for sure now. The rest is just a murky abyss of unknown.

Oh, I just lied...there is something else I know for sure. If you want to be nebbie an come look through my house? There's not a drawer you can pull open that would embarrass me. Not one. Not even the utensil drawer in the kitchen.

So take that. For sale by owner indeed! Wish us more luck than you ever dreamed was possible to wish.

Namaste' Till Next Time,
Holly aka She Who Faces More Questions Than Answers

Sunday, April 11, 2010

Silent Sermon Sunday


Namaste' Till Next Time,
image courtesy of my dear friend Toni

Sunday, April 4, 2010

Silent Sermon Sunday

You are loved, you are forgiven, and you are guided toward wholeness- regardless of your life situation. God loves you eternally- you were born into God's loving arms, and those arms will embrace you and guide you every step of the way.

~ Bruce G. Epperly

Namaste' Till Next Time,
photo courtesy of my friend, Scott
Blog Widget by LinkWithin

My Previous Musings