A Butterfly Flaps Its Wings In My Yard...

I'm sure you've heard the sentiment, "A butterfly flaps its wings somewhere and the wind changes, and a warm front hits a cold front off the coast of western Africa and before you know it you've got a hurricane closing in."  It's a way to explain Chaos Theory which basically goes to teach that for every action we take good or bad, it impacts something, somewhere down the line in ways that we can't predict or even imagine.  For me, it's a good reason to sit still and do absolutely nothing for the rest of my life because, well, who needs that kind of power or lack of control?!  

However, since I've decided to create this blog post, I'm sure that my decision will impact events in ways I didn't envision, so I may as well continue.  You may want to get out your storm gear just in case.

At the very edge of my property runs what is left of the driveway that lead to the tiny farm house that was home to the people who owned the farm this development now rests on.  It was tucked up in a canopy of over-growth and trees.  You could tell it was once loved as day lilies still bloomed close to the foundation.  By the time the developer bought this 50+ acres, it didn't much resemble a farm and the house was falling to ruin.  We all hoped the small house could be saved, but it would have cost way too much to reclaim it.

All that is left of the original owners is the long driveway and some of the huge pines edging it.  It's taken me awhile to get used to the notion that I have a driveway as the last few feet of my property, but it has come in handy when we need to get mulch or other things to the backyard.  A truck fits down it quite well.

Over time, the concrete has broken up and fallen apart further along the drive, but up at our end the first four home owners still have concrete. It's become wild and overgrown as the years have gone on. While we have our grass cut as part of our monthly dues, wild areas are left to the homeowners to manage as part of their property. We aren't a condo association with all the exterior being common ground.  We each own our quarter-acre property as well as the house that sits on it.

Our home owners association, envisioned ours to be a 'no fence' community, at least for the patio homes.  This means that we all have the freedom to do what we wish when it comes to gardening.  We liked the idea that one would see a continuous vista of green open space with the Laurel Highlands as the back drop.  It's one of the best views I've ever been blessed with as a home owner.

It's actually worked out very nicely.  We all collaborate with each other about plants and flower beds and other things we wish to do so that it's become quite a close knit group.  We all benefit from the additions and plants.  It's park-like. We've given an open invitation for our neighbors to feel free to use our fire pit anytime they'd like.  And there's a great deal of chatting back and forth when we're out.  Nice.  Very!

The other day My Lion said, "I'm going to get a quote to have the landscaper clean out the back.  I want to be able to get a vehicle down there again.  And, we have to keep it cleaned out so that the gas utility people can get to the gas line for service.  Can you talk with the neighbors to see if they want to participate?"

To be honest, over the ten years we've lived here, it had become a real mess.  My neighbor Theresa and I especially dumped our yard waste down there.  I mean, what are you going to do with all the cut back?  The trash company won't take it to the landfill and we don't have a recycling spot that will accept it so it seemed an easy solution.

It turned out it wasn't our best idea.  Why?  Because as it got more and more filled with yard debris and grass clippings, it's become a bridge from the farm directly behind us to our yards for ground hogs and snakes and you name it.  And, as it became more overgrown, we've had lots of incidences of neighborhood kids using it for whatever nefarious deeds young people are want to do. The last straw was finding what turned out to be my neighbor's stuff strewn about and picked over after her car was broken into and well, enough was enough.

I talked with my neighbors on either side.  Theresa immediately said she agreed and would contribute.  My neighbors on the other side said they'd have to think about it.  The neighbor on the other side of them said, "No, I'll have my guy take care of it like he does twice a year.  Thanks."

Last Friday, the landscaper came with a small bobcat and they got to work to cut back the trees and brush and weed-wacked till it was down to the low point.  The bobcat was used to shorten how many hours he'd have to charge to have them remove the debris by hand.  It was either pay for the equipment rental or pay them per hour for clean-up.  We went with the equipment option which was actually a bit cheaper and I am certain they all breathed a sigh of relief when we did.

In about four hours time they had it returned to the way it looked when we moved in- in fact better! Perfectly cleaned out and down to the original cement drive.  Now we have a natural fire break and the critters will possibly think twice before sauntering over to our yards.  I hope.  Theresa was pleased with the job.  We were completely pleased with the job.  Michael told the three neighbors what the job cost and asked them to contribute what they feel it is worth to them.  In case you're curious, the job cost $1500.  He says, "Regardless if they want to contribute, the job had to be done so I did it."

Now, $1500 is a pretty big price tag and we're totally hoping that the neighbors will kick in, but if they don't we still feel we what was best for our property and for the good of the community.  So, I bet you're wondering why I started out this post with the whole Chaos Theory bit, aren't you?  I'll get to that now.

While the job was being done my neighbor, with whom we've been very friendly and who declined to be part of the job, rings the door bell.  I step out, big smile on my face because I'm always glad to see him and get totally bushwacked.  Totally.  He starts out by saying he's very upset and when I ask why he continues, "I thought we were friends!  And yet, without telling me that you're having equipment brought in and severely changing the grade of that back property, you just go and do it. I've called my attorney and if you cause a ponding, standing water issue for me, well, you're going to have to deal with my attorney."

Shocked, I answered, "I did call you and tell you we were going to have it cleaned out.  I offered you to be part of it if you wanted to have the brush and grass hauled away.  I know you have it weed-wacked twice a year but if you wanted the build-up removed, you could have done it!"

He went on to say we'd severely changed the grade and since he sits at the lowest point on the run, he'll have major issues.  I tried to tell him that we couldn't change the grade because the cement is already there.  He refused to believe me saying that cement only remained at the very top of the drive. I countered that he was incorrect.  Asked if he wanted to go back and look and he refused.

His parting words to me were, "I'm just really disappointed.  I thought we were friends and friends don't cause problems for friends." When he drove away I simply stood there.  Totally caught off-guard.

He's not spoken with us since.  My Lion says, "Once someone threatens me with their attorney, all conversation on my end stops.  I won't get involved with a treat. We have the pictures and a video that the landscapers shot that shows he already has a problem with standing water back there.  That's how they determined how far to go with the clean up."

Sigh.  SIGH.  MAJOR SIGH! Yes, I suppose this is one of those times when No Good Deed Goes Unpunished.  But, I have to say I am totally perplexed.  How can our decision to do what's right for our home and the homes immediately surrounding us, willing to absorb the total cost, be anything but a good thing?

How can a butterfly flapping its wings in my yard cause a total shite-storm Tsunami for our neighbor two houses away?!?  Can anyone explain that to me?  It seems Chaos Theory applies to people as well as our Universe, I suppose.

And, it turns out that Chaos Theory is correct; I never saw that one coming...

Namaste' Till Next Time,
Holly aka The Tsunami Starter

A Moment of Truth & Beauty

Yesterday, I raced in the door at T.K. Salon for my standing every four week haircut and chat with Noelle, my wonderful stylist.  Each month I walk in looking like I have a shrub on top my head and walk out looking like a Human Being with an individual sense of style.

My short, bed head hair and the fact that I've decided to embrace my white/silver color is not the choice most or many would make.  But, it is me.  And, well, for me it works.  As far as I'm concerned, a good stylist is nothing short of a miracle worker.  A visit with Noelle means that at least a few minutes each month, I feel better about mySelf.  A few minutes when I think I can still see that I was pretty.

In my hurry to catch up on the bits of news since my last visit, it barely registered that there was an elderly woman getting her hair washed while Noelle and I chatted.  I smiled at the other people there, but didn't pay close attention, save that it is rare to see an elderly woman at the shop.  I sat in Noelle's chair and my cut commenced.

The older woman was now seated next to me having an ongoing conversation with her daughter with an occasional comment to the stylist.  Daughter said, looking up from her magazine, "Mom, Danielle Steel has a new book out, have you read it?"  Mom replied, "No, I haven't even caught up with the last two she wrote.  Why don't you buy them for me?"

Daughter replies, "Mom, I don't even know the titles of her last two books!"  And then a bit later, "Mom, you should use some product in your hair that will help you keep up with this new do of yours!"

Mom to Daughter, "Okay, (side comment to the stylist, "I assume you sell that stuff here?" Affirmative nod from the stylist,) you buy it from Theresa here and I'll use it."

Noelle and I looked at each other via the mirror and both smiled.  Mom is no slouch!  Not going to use here money on frivolity, but if Daughter with her bright ideas wants to contribute, out standing! Go Mom!

It was a few moments later that we heard the first exclamation that stopped our chat, "Oh Theresa! Look at it!  Oh look!"  Noelle looked over and smiled.  The old girl was smiling really huge looking at herSelf in the mirror.  I said very quietly, "Wow, she really seems to like it!"  and Noelle smiling said, "Yes!  It's so wonderful when that happens."

A little while later the New Old Girl said to her daughter, "Karen!  Just look!  Isn't it wonderful?!  Oh!"  Major affirmation from her daughter, "Yes indeed, Mom, you look beautiful!  Great job, Theresa!"

It occured to me that I was paying witness to one of those rare moments of Beautiful Truth.  The moment when we see the truth of who we are, when we can stand in agreement with ourSelf instead of picking at our faults; or accepting with a sigh the things we so dislike about ourSelf.  The moment when we feel, PRETTY!  A moment when we can actually see what others see!  A moment of positive affirmation.

That  rare sort of feeling is contagious.  Everyone around gets to remember that possibility.  That joy. That beautiful truth.  The moment when we do more than accept our shortcomings or the things about ourSelf that we don't like but have learned to live with.  A moment when we actually see ourSelf in the mirror instead of glancing to make sure we don't have spinach in our teeth and then quickly away because we are disappointed in the reflection.



A divine moment when the authentic beauty that is inside spills out so you can see I AM!

Noelle said, "That right there is why we do this job.  The chance to make every person who sits down feel better.  To feel pretty!  But that doesn't come very often so they're special when they do."  We sat quietly as we realized that the woman was hugging Theresa and even crying.  She repeated, "Oh look at the color!  It's perfect.  Theresa, it's just perfect!  Not bad at all for an 80 year old gal!"  We all totally agreed.

When I got up to leave, I passed her and said, "You really look so pretty.  Can I give you a hug because you made my day!"  She put up her arms and we embraced.  "Thank you," I whispered, "I'm so glad I was here today."

I met up with her daughter paying at the counter.  I said, "I am so happy for her.  And Theresa, how wonderful for you to have this moment.  You gave her the chance to remember that she isbeautiful!" Her daughter, all smiles said, "I know, it's really something isn't it?!"  I nodded.

It certainly is.  A moment of beautiful truth.  We are never too old to be reminded.  Never too young to wonder.

May you find your moment of Beautiful Truth.  Even if it is for the briefest of moments.  May you be reminded how beautiful a creation you truly are.  Because, trust me, we all can see that about you every time we look at you.

Namaste' Till Next Time,
Holly aka She Who Went For a Haircut But Got So Much More

Faith Testing/Dogma Threatening/Soul Searching

I was raised in a Pre-Vatican II, Roman Catholic world. I received an outstanding education over 12 years, thanks to the dedication and discipline of two different orders of sisters. Elementary school was spent with the Sisters of St. Francis of Philadelphia. My high school years were navigated by the Daughters of Charity from Emmitsburg, Maryland. I am blessed in both experiences. I found mentors and challenging women in my educators. Like anyone, there were some I loved, others I would avoid at any cost. And, now I can guess that they most likely felt the same about their students.

I am from a tradition of going to Mass every Sunday unless you were half-dead. I was made to go to confession regularly. I participated in First Friday services. We ate no meat on Fridays. We observed giving up things for Lent. We marked the passing of the year through Church holy days and Saints days. May processions. Adoration of Mary as the Blessed Mother. Little girls being dressed as tiny brides to receive their First Holy Communion. Choir practice and statues. Incense. Palm fronds. Prayer books and personal missals. Church was open all day and any could stop in to sit in the quiet of contemplation close to the God who made you.

As I grew older, I began to question my religion; I think most of us begin to question the rightness of continuing in a religious tradition that has been handed to you by your family. Sometimes the robes of religion fit you just fine and other times, well, you find that try as you might, you just can't make it work for you. At this point, some people just walk away from it totally as just, "not for me," but others begin a pilgrimage to discover what does speak to them. Learn what other faith path continues to allow a clear recognition of the soft whispers of the creator.

Post Vatican II, with much of the ritual and ceremony removed from their lives, many Catholics became disenchanted with the Church. Angry, too. The Latin was removed. Nuns habits were abolished or significantly modified. Priests left the priesthood. Sisters left the convent. Many beloved saints were demoted. It was a hard time for many. Some never recovered. I was young enough that all of these changes left me bewildered, but didn't really impact my sense of home being SS. Philip & James parish. That came later.

I began taking classes in comparative religions. I started studying the bible as a text, perhaps divinely inspired, but maybe not. I began to look closely into the history of the early Church and how it all started. And, when I was a young woman who was becoming sexually active and beginning relationships, I still thought of myself as fundamentally Catholic, even though I was searching for answers.

It wasn't until I got into college and my early 20's that I decided that the Catholic Church wasn't my faith path any longer. I couldn't abide by the notion of being against birth control of any form and at the same time, being anti-abortion. I couldn't abide by being put in a totally unrealistic situation with a no win option.

But, most importantly, I couldn't as a female, find a lasting home in a religion where women were treated as second class citizens. A religion where women could not hold a leadership role. A religion that even in the 20th century viewed women as hand maidens to the ceremony; to the life of the parish; to the ability to be recognized for their work and efforts. And...

...I couldn't buy into a religion that was Paul based in its theology. Because, let's face it, Paul did NOT like women. At all. And, the Roman Catholic Church as it exists now is centrally Paulian in its dogma and doctrine. They like to brush over the obvious dislike of women, but it's pervasive.

So, because I couldn't follow the rules, I stopped being a Roman Catholic.

And I started looking at other Christian religions. For awhile the Episcopals were deeply interesting to me because they had begun to ordain women and seemed much more reality based when it came to walking the path of Christ in the real world. But, that too, went away when I realized that somehow, it still left me feeling, "There has to be so much more in terms of being in relationship with My Maker. This is simply not it for me."

While I was sampling other forms of worship, I was fortunate to get my first real job out of college with Saint Joseph Hospital in Maryland. Coincidentally, it was founded by the Sisters of St. Francis and I was overjoyed over my 11 years there to see some of the sisters who taught me years before. I basically grew up there. And, when I left, it was as a member of the middle management. I had input to decisions and direction of the hospital. But, none of us could impact or change the over-arching premise that this is a Catholic hospital and driven resoundingly by its mission and vision as a Roman Catholic institution.

We celebrated high holy days. Mass was said at every major hospital event. New areas or new departments received a blessing ceremony. A crucifix hung in every patient room. A statue of Mary welcomed visitors who came into the lobby. And, for many, its being a Catholic hospital made it their hospital of choice.

As an employee, we were told that our personal religious beliefs would not exclude us from being part of the St. Joseph family. But, as employees, we all had to abide by the premises and tenets as taught by the Church. The physicians on staff understood that abortion procedures would not be done at this hospital. Birth control and other forms of contraception were not distributed through the hospital pharmacy. And, birth control was not on the list of medications that were covered through the prescription plan for employees.

Like any other religious based organization, when you come to work at a Catholic hospital, you understand what you are signing on for; it's a place that accepts all who come for care, regardless of race, religion, and ability to pay. A place where social justice is expected from the performance as employees...to each other and to patients and families. The same can be said of Catholic schools and other missions.

St. Joseph is not singular in this regard. It is the same at all of the Catholic hospitals. It sets them apart. Perhaps it makes them better. Maybe it holds them static....it depends on each person to interpret this for themselves.

I just know, that while I did not consider myself a Catholic any longer, as part of the hospital staff, I went to Mass; I participated in the various services; I crafted our communications around the mission and vision in every brochure, newsletter, message my office sent out. One of the things that I admired about one of my bosses, now close friend, Carole is that she is Jewish and was always at every celebratory Mass and service. Certainly it was not her religion or faith views, but she believed that, when she made the choice to work there and be part of management, she needed to participate in those things that her organization believed to be important.

When you work for an organization, you are there by mutual choice. And, if you're going to be there, you must play by the rules as set forth.

This brings me to the issue that I have been struggling with for days. Because I find that I am increasingly angry. And, that's odd to me because, after all, I'm not Catholic any longer, so many might think that I shouldn't care...but I do care...

...I care a great deal. And, I'm angry.

With the new Obama Health Care initiative that is starting soon, upheaval and argument has really bloomed. It has divided us as a nation in many respects. I'm not going to discuss whether I am for it or against it. Let's just say as it currently stands, I think we're stuck with bad legislation. It may be funded in a passionate desire to help people, but I'd say as it is written right now, 'The road to hell is paved with good intentions.'

The health care legislation says that all places of employment must have birth control on the list of those medications fully covered under employee prescription plans or pay significant fines. And, that's a huge problem for Catholic places of employment. Let me remind you: BIRTH CONTROL IS IN DIRECT CONFLICT WITH ROMAN CATHOLIC DOGMA.

The White House glibly says, "Institutions can get waivers..." but that's not exactly true. Because in order to qualify for the waiver, an organization can only service those who share the same belief. And, Catholic hospitals; Catholic schools do not discriminate or turn any away. Trying to operate in such a fashion would be anathema. So, they won't qualify for the waiver unless they collapse their services to only Catholics. Or hire only Catholics.

My problem with this? You do not have to work at a Catholic institution. You have choices. As it stands right now, if you are employed by a Catholic institution and need abortions, birth control, or other services along those lines, there are many more options for those services.

As a female in the work force, your birth control should not be my issue and why should I, as a citizen, have to pay for the services required by an active sex life? Birth control is not a right! It's an individual's responsibility. Do we really need to tell religious organizations that they must pay for it or be fined? It is not that expensive and easily accessed, so what is this administration really saying?

If you are an employee of a Catholic institution, buy it, and put the costs toward your flexible spending account. Or get it for free from Planned Parenthood or the area health department. You have options. You are not restricted from getting the care and birth control you might need, you simply can't have it paid for by your Catholic employer!

Really? Is that so hard?!

I hear women saying all the time, "I don't want the government in my bedroom or my sex life!" and I also hear them say, "I should have total access to choice!" YOU HAVE IT! But, you can't get it everywhere....most particularly, you can't go to religious outlets for employment and tell them they must forget their fundamental belief just so you don't have to go another 30 feet down the road to another source. And, if you don't want the government in your sex life, you can't applaud it and support it when they try to force religious organizations to pay for your contraception! You can't have it both ways.

If you don't want the government telling you what to do in your personal life, why would you ever condone this current situation?! If it doesn't absolutely alarm you, why not?

This is an unbelievable stretch. The current administration is over-reaching and now moving into areas that brush up against Church and State dramatically. If you let this one go, what will be the next? Which is the next religious organization that will be forced into something? When do we say, "That's far enough!"

A recent poll of Catholic women showed that about 73 per cent of them think that they should be offered birth control. But that's not the point!

Like most women, I would agree, the Catholic Church needs to change their standing on the issue of birth control, but until they change, it's their doctrine; their rules; their dogma. You don't ask the Church to change, you abide by their teachings or find a home that suits you.

The truth here is that the average, reasonable person will say, "I'm not concerned about this, because I don't have a problem with a Catholic institution not doing these things. It never crossed my mind to think they should."

But, the problem is, your Government does! It is attempting to force their thoughts on care whether you think it makes sense or not. We can't just let them do what they think is right for us. They're not our parents! We can think for ourselves! We should be taking care of ourselves and those around us who need it, not the government. And even more critical, we should not have a government that believes they have the authority to tell a religious organization to forego their history and doctrine because they say so or pay a fine for holding fast to their guiding principles and values. HELL no!!

So if you think that the Obama administration is correct, let's be clear about what you're really saying: You would rather Catholic organizations deliver less health care; less education; less social services to the general population and restrict it to only Catholics in order to avoid being severely financially penalized. Does that really sound like it's a good idea when access to contraceptives is really not an issue for employees of Catholic institutions? You decide.

Render unto God what is God and unto Caesar what is Caesar's, was The Christ's best advice on how to live in the world that needs to give weight to both the state and the church. But, the ability to do this is becoming a perilous ledge that we are all dancing on at the moment. And we should all be very afraid of how far down the drop is below.

Namaste' Till Next Time,
Holly aka She Who Is A Woman In Conflict

Charity vs. Socialism

I suspect that this blog post may lose me a few readers; I'll have to live with that. Because this is such an intensely emotional topic, I've stayed silent for a very long time. Not because I don't have my opinions, but more because I couldn't clearly articulate my thoughts.

I am liberal in my views about people being happy in their lives and life-styles, but I admit to being fiscally conservative and worried that there is way too much government involvement in my personal life. Trust me, I like money as much as the next guy; day to day living is made easier with it. And, one of the best lines I ever heard about money was from my friend Bernie who said, "While it's true that money can't buy happiness, try living without it!" Amen, sister, Amen.

But as it relates to current affairs, I can't in good conscience not weigh in. Not especially after a flip cartoon has gone viral on Facebook and other places. For me, it's the last straw. So get ready. Read at your own peril.

The cartoon I'm talking about is one of a man speaking with Jesus and he is saying, "But, Jesus if we feed all these people, won't that be so...social...socialism?!!!" Kill me now. Really? Really?? Now we want to bring Jesus into this? Shame! Because most of those who use this cartoon to prove a point against the Unfeeling, Uncaring Economic Establishment, also believe religion is the opiate of the people and will have none of it!

You are hereby put on notice: You can't have it both ways!

Okay, I'll play your silly game: Going along with the notion of "What would Jesus do," this man who fed the masses with the loaves and fishes is also the man who preached very clearly, "Render unto Caesar what is Caesar's and unto God what is God's." Meaning, these two states are clearly separate and both must have their due.

He's also the man who was reticent to do this miracle of the loaves and fishes just as he was to call attention to himself by changing water into wine at the wedding feast at Cana. He did not see it as his place to make global, sweeping changes to the state of things. He did preach that we should all examine our conscience and act on a situation presented to us in order to deepen our sense of understanding and compassion.

The Christ was NOT a socialist; he was not political in any way, (much to dismay of many of his disciples, like Judas, who were hoping he was going to liberate the Jews from the Roman occupation.) What The Christ was, is a highly evolved thinker, and an active thread of Spirit who understood the soul-stretching qualities of compassion, faith, and charity. He taught us that the earthly body and life should not be our only concern and what we should really be doing is expanding our connection with Spirit.

He appears to have been an individual who lived in the world as it was while hoping to grow spiritually from the experiences it offered. He did good works, cured many, provided us with miracles to consider our potential, but he did not insist that the good works be mandated by an governing body. He also said, "The Poor will always be with you." Which means that he understood that all of us at one time or another will be poor, either in spirit or physically. It also means that The Poor are our opportunity to grow our sense of compassion and love by addressing their needs as we can. Or not; it's our individual call.

But, before I go much further let's make sure we're all working with the same understanding of the words socialism and charity.

As defined by Webster's Dictionary:
Definition of SOCIALISM
1: any of various economic and political theories advocating collective or governmental ownership and administration of the means of production and distribution of goods
2: a system of society or group living in which there is no private property b : a system or condition of society in which the means of production are owned and controlled by the state
3: a stage of society in Marxist theory transitional between capitalism and communism and distinguished by unequal distribution of goods and pay according to work done

To my mind, the third definition is what's afoot here. And, if I had not spent time in Russia, I would not understand the impact of that sort of transition. But I did spend time there, and I did see what the years of Communism did to the country. I did hear the tales of what is was like to live in a place where Socialism leads to misery.

As my one Russian friend said, "Yes, the notion of equality for all meant that we were all equally miserable. Contrary to what we were told, it did not make for an elevation in our status as citizens; Socialism lead us all to our lowest common status. Marx and his people were exempt from the horrors of the system they started. They lived well while most of us starved."

When I asked Kira to explain further or give an example she said, "Dalink, do you know why Russians starved and suffered through bread lines? Look around at how vast our country is, there is farmland everywhere. But, we had no equipment and no one would farm it because the Government came and took what the farmers produced, "For the People," and did not pay them. They told the farmers what crops to plant and how much and regulated all parts of their living until the farmers couldn't farm or wouldn't farm because they could not make a living."

She continued, "So the farms went fallow and there was none who would take it up because there was no way to make it work. Now my country must start over again. Almost from the beginning, but there still are few farmers and much more land than farmers to tend it."

Another friend of mine, Ludmilla, still shared her family home with a man who had been placed in it during the Communist regime. I absolutely couldn't get my head around that as she explained, "I cannot get him to leave. I have slowly bought my flat back but he doesn't care because he has lived there for years and has no intentions of leaving. I must pay rent and for food and utilities and all the things that the Communist said they would take care of. Thank goodness Communism is ended, but now I must buy these things and the money is not there. It is very hard to make it work. This man, I have no legal recourse to remove him. If he does not wish to go, I will have to wait until he dies."

Yep, the third definition is the one you should be worried about the most...

Because let's be clear: Charity that is mandated by a government is not charity; it is socialism. A government established program that makes certain that everyone has equal status is not Nirvana, it's Socialism.

As defined by Webster's Dictionary:
Definition of CHARITY
1: benevolent goodwill toward or love of humanity
2: a) generosity and helpfulness especially toward the needy or suffering; also aid given to those in need, b) an institution engaged in relief of the poor, c) public provision for the relief of the needy
3: a) a gift for public benevolent purposes, b) an institution (such as a hospital,) founded by such a gift
4: lenient judgment of others

The word most often associated in these various definitions is, gift. A gift is something that you decide to give to another. It's not a mandate. It's not a requirement. It's not a legal or governmental parameter. It is your choice.

While it might be expected, such as someone might expect that they get gifts on their birthday, if no one gives them a gift, the birthday boy or girl cannot go to the government and insist that they make amends and/or make us give them a gift.

Okay, so now that we're clear on the difference between these two words, let's keep going with this discussion. Feel free to give me your thoughts on all of this, so we all can learn by sharing.

Currently, with the whole Occupy Wall Street efforts, people are attempting to bring into clear focus the growing divide between the Haves vs. The Have Nots. I get it. While I don't agree with the tactics, I'm sure parents felt the same way when I and my friends were out protesting the Vietnam War.

The need for change is always brought about by civil unrest, it seems. Protesting and making public statements is also part of that. So for those who are genuinely there to express their concern and the need for change, good on you. But, let's face it...there are hundreds who are there just because it's a way to vent anger and hatred toward who and whatever. Some aren't even sure why they're there except that it's a happening. Some are there because they don't know what else to do to impact this issue and move things in a positive way.

But, mostly it's about fear and frustration. It's about seeing that others seem to have way more than you do and thinking that's not fair. It's about feeling like David facing off against the Goliath of big business and banks. It's about worrying how you're going to find a job in this crappy economy. It's about bills you can't pay. Or being in debt that you don't want to take responsibility for now that you're drowning. It's about being strapped with a home that's lost a significant part of its value and/or being upside down in a mortgage. How are you supposed to survive? Why doesn't someone do something to help you? What's to keep you alive body and soul?

AND ALL OF THESE ARE VALID CONCERNS, but they're not going to be answered by taking money from those who have it and giving it to those who don't. They're not going to be answered by impinging on the ability for businesses and individuals to make as much money as they can. It's not going to be answered by more government involvement and regulation. They're not going to be answered by the Liberals' insistence that the government Level The Playing Field and give to those who don't have money from those who do.

Don't you understand that when the thought, "The government is just going to have to pay for this because I/we need it," what you are doing is forcing your needs/wants/ desires onto every other citizen? WE are the government. Our taxes are the funds for all of these programs, bail-outs, welfare, student loans left unpaid, bankruptcies, and mortgages that are foreclosed upon.

If you need help, it should be my choice to help you! It's not your right to expect that simply because you need it, it should be provided!

It's about you becoming right with the idea of money and understanding it for what it is. It's about more of us becoming better educated about how money actually works. It's about seeing how the money is made by individuals and organizations. And it's about following the American dream of doing the same. It's about the opportunity to rise UP to affluence and success.

It's about adjusting our thinking about what are truly personal rights. It's about taking responsibility for the financial choices you made and honoring them. The government is not the answer. You are the answer. If you want to be the master of your own destiny, you can't ask the government to step in and micro-manage your destiny when you don't like how it's going. The United States of America was founded upon the principles of opportunity....all of us have opportunity. Some of us run with it and some of us don't. It has little to do with how hard someone's circumstances are and how easy someone else's might be.

If we are so concerned that we no longer understand how to be charitable and seem to be cold and uncaring, I'm with you on that. We, as a nation, are forgetting what it means to be charitable. ALL of us are forgetting it. Not just the ones who have the money, as the Liberals would have you believe. In fact, it's still true that the wealthiest of Americans are giving record amounts of money to charities and causes. But the rest of us? Not so much. "I don't have enough money to take care of myself in this economy! You can't expect me to give money to others!" It's time to rethink this comment.

While money is often the indicator of charitable behavior, it is not the entire answer. Charity of spirit and willingness to extend ourselves to others in any way possible is also part. By volunteering our time. By being a mentor. By being neighborly. By checking on an elderly person who lives near and seeing what you can do to help them. By offering to help a young mother with her children. By offering a neighbor who doesn't drive if they would like to go with you when you go to the grocery store. By hosting a pot luck dinner where everyone brings what they can and many are fed for just a small investment. By doing unseen acts of kindness. By becoming an active member of your community.

We say, "Charity begins at home." That's so very true. For those of us who are loved, we first learn to be charitable by how we deal with those who occupy our home space. We have our parents then teach us what it means to be charitable to those who live near us. We join civic groups; we go to houses of worship; we become a good neighbor.

Oh wait, most of us don't do those things anymore. Religious custom is fading for a vast majority of us. That's fine with me, if you don't want to go to a religious address, but each of us must find an alternative means of connecting with others and become aware of those who are in need. We must find a way to become a charitable part of community.

You have to find a way to develop a charitable nature, not just fixate on financial concerns. We must teach each other what charity means by our actions, not by Occupying Wall Street. And, please, stop looking to the government to mandate your financial security.


This little girl is Merlin. She is Michael's foster child. About nine years ago, a speaker came to the church he attended to talk about their charitable work with children. He decided he would make the monthly contribution to their efforts. Merlin is his assigned child. Very few people, up until I just told you, even know he has done this.

On a regular basis, we get a letter updating her situation. When she was very small, her aunt wrote these letters which are translated into English for us. They are full of small details about how Merlin is a good girl and likes school, etc.

Now, Merlin writes to us about her days and sometimes sends a drawing. It's very sweet. In all cases, the letter is full of statements of gratitude to, "Godfather Michael" for his support and care. In the letter that held this picture, she talked about being excited with her new school clothes!

And, here's the thing that illustrates true charity to me. Michael started this when he was making next to nothing as a new funeral director, (this industry, sad to say, pays terrible wages in general,) and he was paying a mortgage, child support, the rent on his apartment, and all that goes with life.

Still, he decided that he wanted to help a child thousands of miles away because, as financially strapped as he was, her circumstances were much more dire. We are spiritually richer for his decision. Even the months in this economy, when we aren't sure how we'll pay all of our bills, he still honors his commitment to this girl.

The poor will always be with you. It's time for all of us to decide if the fact that we might be economically poor means that we are also going to be made poor in spirit.

Bad economies and world crisis come and go. Your spirit's richness and depth depends entirely on you and your willingness to grow it. No government can make your life better if you aren't willing to understand that being rich has little to do with economics, and everything to do with your ability to care and reach out to others. And, most importantly, your willingness to reach for more and better for yourself, despite the odds that seem against you.

Namaste' Till Next Time,
Holly aka She Who Is Rich

Ironic, Isn't It?

Just the other day, I was writing about the Internet and how it is being edited, without our knowledge or consent, and I've been thinking more about that and wondering where it will all lead us.

This morning, my daily consideration was this:

"The challenge of our times is to rebuild connection in our lives by reaching out to others and by being part of something larger than ourselves."
~ Edward M. Hallowell

The irony was clearly pointed out to me, that in this age of information and access, we seem to be more and more isolated. With all the tools at our disposal that makes information instantaneous, we seem to know less and less about those individuals right next to us.

We come and go and wave at our neighbors in passing. We smile, ask, "How are you?" But, we generally don't wait for an extensive answer as we have our car door open and one foot already inside the door. We've learned to be brief in our responses to questions that are polite but not being asked with genuine interest.

Email makes it easier to chat someone up or hit an individual with what I call, 'drive-by communications.' But we don't seem to extend ourselves into anything in-depth anymore. We've become lazy. Or indifferent. Or exhausted. Or overwhelmed. Or....

When it comes to each other, we've become isolated. With blogging, we can reach across the globe to each other and often form friendships that are incredibly rewarding. Yet, we no longer take the time to sit on each other's porches in real time with real people. Ironic.

By nature, I am sort of an oxymoron....I love people. I love to listen to them. I love to talk with them. While at the same time, I am also rather a isolationist. I can go days without the itch to leave my home. I am perfectly content to stay inside and watch the world through my windows. It can stay out there while I stay inside. And yet, I can't help but wonder, even though that suites me fine, am I doing my part to stay connected? Am I doing my part to form a sense of community? Probably not.

And, while I share myself freely on my blog and in emails and letters, I know I could do better at calling others. I know I could extend myself more by visiting with others. It's not about time; it's about intent.

In this world of ours...this brave new world of Tweets and Facebook and blogs and Internet and emails and Snail Mail and iPads and, and, and...information and access isn't the issue.

The issue is that it takes energy and commitment to be part of something bigger than ourselves. We must be willing to invest ourselves in real time with open hearts in order to truly contribute.

But, the question remains, in this hectic world that is all too much, all too 24/7 now... what does that look like? How do we do it? Perhaps by opening the door and looking for someone we know who lives close. By standing still and being completely open and present to them, no matter how long the encounter lasts. Maybe by smiling at others we pass in stores or at the mall and taking a moment to look into their eyes. To let that individual, who's name we will never know, understand that we 'saw' them.

Maybe it means just asking the questions of ourselves, "How do I let others know they matter to me when I encounter them? How do I continue to reach to be part of something bigger than myself? Can I try harder to be a better part?"

Namaste' Till Next Time,
Holly aka She Who Cares To Be A Part...

Silent Sermon Sunday

To remember those who have served, serve today, and will serve when we need them in the future. Remembering, also, those who love and loved those who serve.

Namaste' Till Next Time,
Holly aka Airman Evan Frock's proud step-mom
Picture taken by My Lion at McKeesport Cemetery

Here's Another Question For You

I'm driving home from my doctor's appointment today, and pass the Beehive, one of the (way too many in my humble opinion,) gentlemen clubs that you see along any of the country's highways.

We had another in the area, called Climax, with a...wait for it....drive through lane. No waiting for your jollies, no getting out of your car...nothing but a mobile quicky behind your wheel. But, sadly this one closed. Another victim of a down economy, I'm sure. If you're looking for a business opportunity, the place is for sale!

At any rate, the sign outside of the Beehive raised the same question whenever I see these stupid places....

It generally reads, "Live girls, Live Dancers," or words to that effect. And, I can't help but wonder and never have the answer, so maybe you do; if so please share.

My question is: "Why do you advertise this? I mean, after all, has anyone ever seen or paid to see a dead dancer?!"

I'm juz sayin'...

Namaste' Till Next Time,
Holly aka She Who Is Curious

Magic Brew...

My Lion is away in Texas this week for training. He says it is going well. He's anxious to get moving on his new role in this company that continues to astound him for their principals and the way they conduct their business. More about that another time.

I find that after the goodbyes at the door, I don't mind when he's gone. I miss him terribly, but I don't mind that we're not together. It gives us a chance to coo to each other on the telephone the way we did when we were dating.

Last night we talked to each other countless times on the commercials during "24", one of his favorites. There are rules about watching this show; absolutely no talking while Jack's on the screen. All talking must remain suspended until the commercials. I never broke the rule and it may be why he decided he loves me...I can't be certain. So last night we talked during the commercials like when we were first dating and I love it.

I suppose the 11 years I lived on my own will always color the way I live now. I miss Michael like crazy, but I'm absolutely all right with being here alone. Except last night was trash night and I hate taking it out and that's his job, so...

But there are good things, too. Like this morning... I got out my French press and made the most delicious cup of coffee. The foam that created on the top as the grounds swirled in the boiling water...ahhh, heavenly.

There's lots about me that Michael cannot really relate to, like my obsession with teas, my preference to drink my coffee from a press, rubber stamps. There are others, but let's just leave it here. The beauty of it all is that he accepts them as part of me and loves me because of them, not despite them.

So having the time apart means that I can bring out the French press, and treat myself to the perfect cuppa. So perfect in fact, I'm sharing it with you.

It even came with its very own butterfly to make me smile. See it? Or have I truly lost my mind? Please tell me you see it...

I've been in such a twist lately about all this selling of our home and the unknown of what and where at the end of this part of the journey. So uncertain, so many questions so few answers, so little control over the variables, so, so, so MUCH...feeling so sad about leaving my home here and the neighbors I have been lucky enough to make here. All of which has log jammed my spirit and my thoughts.

I suppose it's only natural to be wistful about saying goodbye to those things....

...saying goodbye to this front door when the time comes.

But after serious soul searching in the quiet hours this week, I realize that all I can do is open my hands, my heart, and my mind to possibility and accept that I must walk in faith in the absence of facts to steer me. I had a long discussion last night with Spirit when I finally said, "I trust, I believe, I walk one step at a time guided by your greater vision and knowing."

This morning's daily meditation, was this answer:

Believe in God's infinite capacity to surprise and delight us with a future that will be blessed in ways we cannot imagine or anticipate.

Thank you for letting me know you heard me.

So today, I spend my day cleaning up the house again in anticipation of someone soon wanting to buy this house so I can move forward to building our home again regardless of its shape and address with Michael....

...and of course, my wonderful Rory & Fiona.

Namaste' Till Next Time,
Holly aka She Who Believes

Wish You Were Here...

So, pay close attention to that snow shovel....see it? Yeah....that thing stuck to it?

That's not a bit of rubbish clinging there....but I'll get back to that in a minute. The other day, against all the best efforts of the snow gods , Michael and I got out of the house for a bit. We went to lunch at one of our favorite Asian Buffets before the next round of snow came barrelling our way. Nice to get out for awhile. But, as the snow starting falling in earnest once again, we dashed back home for the next round of fun with the shovel, broom, and snow blower.

It snowed another foot that night. Lake Effect Snows added about three more inches last night...

And, Fiona is awfully glad we make the effort to stay ahead of the precipitation waves, for the snow is well and truly over the Scotties' heads at this point. Hell, three feet is over my head when I feel like dropping over outside from the shear weight of it all.

The volume of snow has distorted all sense of reality. You can't tell how tall is tall anymore, or how short is short. I just know that this stub....

...just a few weeks ago was my lamp post.

And, this Christmas train garden used to be my neighborhood...

Still, it does have a certain austere beauty. Except that some of our neighbors are having leaks in our relatively new ceilings. Because the water can't find a way off the roofs before the next blanket of white traps it!

Beware of ice daggers. And, I'm not kidding about that. They make a ferocious noise when they let go! Just hoping they don't take the gutters along with them.

Those brambles? Yeah, not; that was a Japanese maple till this started, and that detached head was a garden angel. Now...not so much. Dan Fogelberg made an album years ago entitled, Captured Angel. Wonder if that's what he had in mind?

Merv The Griffin is still doing his very best to guard our front door, even though nothing is moving and everything,including him, is frozen in place. Still, a griffin can't be too careful.

When I say it's a lot of snow, I'm not kidding....look at how small Rory looks in the world gone white and silent.

While wee Fiona says, "I've had enough and I want inside again immediately! My feeties are freezing!!" No vole hunting for her today.

So back to that snow shovel...

...click on the picture if you can't read what that slip of paper says. That was Michael's fortune from his lunch. Are you serious? What the hell sort of fortune is that? Really? Are you freakin' kidding me???

Let me repeat it for you because a fortune like that can't be underestimated.

Yeah...Wish you were here.

Namaste' Till Next Time,
Holly aka The Ice Queen of The Universe

A Flame To Light The Way Home

"May we live our lives beyond separation."
~ Jacqueline T. Snyder

Our small community suffered a true tragedy the other day. A teen-aged neighbor came home and took his life.

By all accounts he was a well adjusted, studious, well-liked, high school football player. Had a wonderful, supportive family. Had lots of friends. Was happy and polite. He ended his brief life for reasons that he took with him when he left. Leaving us with questions and no answers. Leaving those who loved and cared about him with numbing sorrow.

What we do know is that it seems as though he may have had a fight with his girlfriend while at a basketball game; left abruptly; came straight home; and shot himself.

Gone. Just like that. And in the place he used to occupy is now a brother, a mother and a step-father, and family dogs beside themselves with grief and heartache. What was a home of new neighbors who we were just beginning to know, is now a place where we wish we could help but know there is little we can offer to ease the pain.

This young man smiled and waved when we walked by on our evening strolls. Or said hello when he was out walking his dogs. I would see him running laps in the neighborhood, keeping himself in shape for the football field. But, in a brief instant, when he thought his world was forever altered, he struggled and lost his will to live. And, I am struck with the notion that I will never get to know this young man any deeper than a wave, a smile, and a run.

With his leaving he takes his reasons for the why, and leaves a bitter void. He leaves a family who will never understand. I know that it is perfectly reasonable that we find our thoughts going to him and his family.

But, I also want to remember and feel for the young girl involved in this. The teenager who argued with her boyfriend as all couples do from time to time. I send her prayers and energy because, I promise you, without love, support, counseling, and care, she will never get over feeling guilty and at fault. She will never be released from the curse of wondering what she could have and should have done differently. She will walk through her life haunted by a misguided notion that she could have prevented this horrible thing.

And that would be another tragedy .

Because the truth is, she could not have done a thing to stop it. She was not the thing that caused this. She is not responsible for the actions of another. She has a life to live with this as one of the hard experiences that will go unexplained.

She deserves to live a life with as much joy, hope, love, and care as she can find after all of this. Just as the family he leaves behind will eventually, hopefully find their way back to living.

I don't know how it will happen, but I believe it is completely possible. And, I hope for all of us who have been directly or remotely touched by this incident, that we ponder the lessons of living, and loving and trying every day, as they relate to our own experiences.

Can we answer: Are we better Human Beings because we knew this youngster when he was with us along with his choice to leave us? If we aren't made better, then it really will be meaningless. By our actions, let us prove that his life had meaning, even if it is simply to usher in a renewed awareness of how important it is to appreciate those we love every day they are with us.

Recently, a dear friend shared that her mother leaves a candle lighted in the front window all year round, not just the holiday season. She does it as a testament to her constant illuminating love for her children. The candle also shines as their beacon back home again should they ever need it; no questions asked.

I find this outward sign to love and safe haven to be incredibly poignant. I wish that all of us had something like it in our lives. Likewise, we should work to be a beacon of love and safety for all of those we contact. A light that helps someone lost in the dark to reach further and grab hold.

In a house just down the street from me, there is darkness now. Sadness. Heartache. Pain. There is a mother wishing she could light a candle bright enough to lead her son back to her. A family wondering how to move forward with life. In support of them all, I will light a candle in my spirit's window in hope that they can eventually feel the light of peace and love that still exists even though things are forever changed.

For my young neighbor, I hope the light leads him safely home to what waits for us when we leave this Earth home. Lights his path back to the Flame of Love that will not ever be extinguished.


Namaste' Till Next Time,
Holly aka She Who Lights A Candle

One Very Sunny Day

Gardeners in my area have been enjoying a banner year. Higher than average rain fall and the cooler days means that plants and the grass have bloomed, grown, and run wild like kids on summer vacation. Recently, I've been showing close ups of the inhabitants in my gardens, and I've been asked a time or two what things look like in the gardeness of it all, so I thought...

...I'll wait till a sunny day and take them on a bit of a tour. Click on any of the photos to see the details if you'd like. First stop? My humming bird feeder, which when I had the camera ready, not one of the cheeky lil' buggers would come winging by! Dern...

I've shared this spot before as it's one of my favorites, but I got caught up in the light cut into two extremes; I liked the effect. I adore this water feature of ours. The sound is so soothing, yet we don't have to deal with the aspects of upkeep since it's a pondless water fall. I'd highly recommend it if you have children or, don't want to deal with the upkeep that's required of water features.

Here's our back deck. We spend a great deal of time out here, but honestly, since we put up the under-decking, I prefer sitting on the patio below. It's always shaded and comfortable. And, when it rains, I can sit out there and enjoy the sound and the smell. Wonderful!

If you stand on the deck and look to your right, here's the view that will greet you. We are blessed with outstanding neighbors, many of whom are very much into gardening. Western PA has some beautiful natural areas. The Laurel Highlands is one of those. Nice, huh?

I've never had a veggie garden before and this summer my next door neighbor and I decided we'd share one. It's a great idea; it's not as much work as trying to do it on your own, and it's fun to share the excitement of growing things with a friend. Cindy and I are always amazed when we go out and it looks as though it's jumped up another foot!

I had absolutely no idea that green bean plants could be so dainty and pretty. I like to stand in the garden and watch the flowers open. Soon, they're going to yield us some very tasty Blue Lake Green Beans. Yum!

And, this is one of our tomato plants that I placed in the center of the garden to act as a sentinel. It's becoming quite impressive in size, but it doesn't scare the chipmunks who go jetting in and out of the garden as though it was a game of Super Market Sweep.

Even the marigolds are getting visitors. And the very last of the spinach makes a nice counter point to the vivid color of these little gems...

Across the yard from the veggies, is my other garden and the wall that Fiona and Rory like to walk along. Very brave Scots I have; nerve wracked mother I am, yelling, "Come down, Come down!!"

Honestly, though, everything has grown so large that I often feel as though I'm in Jurassic Park...everything is encroaching on the next plant and there is absolutely no order in the garden this year. Those really tall things you see? They're Casa Blanca lilies not yet bloomed. The stalks are taller than me! Whoever heard of lilies growing so tall? The English lavender is no slouch this year and has become a bee blanket.

The grasses are wild and the sunflowers have yet to bloom but are over seven feet tall! Wowzers...

Some of my hosta have become quite bossy expanding into new spaces...and the lilies on this side are also impressive; they'll need to be staked to keep them from crashing down before the blooms open. There is nothing like the fragrance of Asiatic lily in the sultry evening air...ahhh!

This rare sunny day was the chance to weed and take a stroll in my newest garden, installed this year, at the far edge of the property. I was lucky to find a Forest Pansy Red Bud tree. I love red buds, but this form is really quite lovely as the leaves stay this delicious merlot color all summer and turn red in the fall. It's really a gem.

This isn't the best shot as I've discovered that bright sun flattens out images, so it's hard to pick out detail, but here's the newest garden. There's the Forest Pansy standing on the right looking all full of herself. She knows she's pretty and expects to be admired.

There's more to see, but I don't want to wear you out. Why don't we stop here? I'll share more later. If the sun has made you a bit tired, let's sit under the deck with some iced tea and chat. Or, if you'd rather take a little snooze like some in the garden seem to do...I don't mind, go right ahead. I'll just sit here with you and watch the garden grow while you do.

Namaste' Till Next Time,
Holly