Fly The Unfriendly Skies With United

I'm old enough to remember when people actually dressed up to get on an airplane like it was a social event. I mean, high heels, dresses, suits, ties; the whole nine yards. Now we have people showing up at airports looking, at best, like they're going to a slumber party. At worst, many patrons resemble homeless people. I'm also old enough to remember United Airlines advertising campaign slogan, "Fly the friendly skies of United." Every time I'm waiting, this is my hopeful image of who I will see when boarding:

Or this- an entire crew waiting happily to greet The Queen of The Universe!

But, that's fantasy. We all know that this is how it feels to fly these days, sadly...

Or, perhaps this image best conveys how your last flight felt?

I most certainly recall feeling like this. In fact, recently on a flight from Chicago, My Lion had to ask for a seat change because the man next to him was so large that Mike was actually turned out into the aisle which has to be against regulations, if not a crime against his aching back! Thankfully, the Flight Attendant was happy to get him another.

Sadly, that sort of help did not come for this United passenger who was dragged from a plane by airport security. Yep, dragged. A 60 something year old physician who was buckled into his seat next to his wife on their way home.

Normally I'm a rules girl. If you have the authority to tell me what to do, I'll generally do it without issue. So I could argue that the man brought on the altercation because he refused to get off the plane when told. However, as a PR professional and Human Being, I can't let this go by without commenting.

In this case, the flight was double overbooked, (Yes, that's actually a real thing, a real business practice!)  The airlines have taken to overbooking every single flight that they send down a runway. It started when the price of gas etc, was taking big bites out of their bottom lines. The airlines started coming up with all sorts of creative ways to help staunch the flow of red ink. That's when baggage handling fees went crazy and getting bumped more frequently from flights making a bad situation, worse. It changed the stressful occasion of flying into something akin to having one's head shaved with a cheese grater. It didn't simply go from bad to worse-- it went from bad to Third Circle of Hellish.

So, back to the elderly man on the plane. The airline needed four passengers to give up their seats because, ready for it, they needed seats to get some of their employees to their connecting flight. Yep, you heard me, they needed paying customers to give up their seats so their crew wouldn't be held up from getting where they needed to be, thereby causing the cascading effect of other missed flights. They offered $800 to any passenger who would give up their seat.  Perhaps that seems reasonable.

But, not to me. As far as I'm concerned, no business worth its salt passes on the pain of operating to a paying customer! And, the fact that United overbooks flights to the point that they can't get their crews around the country is certainly a problem for them. However, it should not have been that man's problem. But it became a big one!

Three passengers took the proffered $800, but the flight was still short one seat. Next they randomly selected the seat, which was occupied by the doctor. When they asked him to get off, he refused saying he had patients whom he needed to see in the morning. It would also mean that, either his wife get off with him, or she'd have to travel on alone.

The flight crew got airport security involved when Dr. Passenger refused to get up out of his PAID FOR seat. Before you could say, Buckle up, boys it's going to be a bumpy ride," the man is bloodied, dragged down the aisle by his arms, while every other passenger has out their cell phones videoing the entire nasty business. The poor man ends up in the hospital with some serious injuries. Can anyone say, "Lawsuit,"?

Post event, the horrified passengers began releasing their videos and the entire situation rightfully went viral. I could just imagine their PR Person screaming in his head, "Are you freaking kidding me?! How the hell can I even begin to spin this one?!" He gave it a really good try. In fact, the CEO of United took to the airwaves and did what you might expect, defend his crew for doing what they are supposed to do, etc. But when the backlash washed over him and United sending their stock prices into a tail spin, (see what I did there?), he was busy trying to publicly walk it all back and apologize. To no avail. Now they've refunded the tickets to all the passengers in an effort to say "Sorry you had to see that!"

As if that could even help.

Here's my point, aside from the one I stated about how stupid it is for any company to think it's right to pass off their operational problems onto a paying customer. While so many other businesses seem to have got the wake up call about how customers will not tolerate poor customer service, the air lines still act as if we are brainless cattle to be transported to slaughter.

Those who work in the industry complain about how we all act on flights these days; how we dress or don't dress to be seen in public; how fat we are; how demanding we are; how totally rude we can be. All the while making more money off of customers than they've ever made as an industry. In case you think they'd do away with those fees that may have been necessary to keep them afloat during the lean times, you'd be very wrong. Instead, the fees are still there and getting higher, and they've made the seats smaller, stripping away any form of comfort. No food is served, no in-flight entertainment, nothing at all. The Airline industry, through their choices, has turned it into an us against them scenario with you feeling like a sucker for paying to be abused. Tempers are short, memories are long, and no one is happy or satisfied. Sounds like a brewing recipe for disaster.

Now we can add physical abuse to the list of those things the unfriendly skies will provide at your full cost. How very nice of them.

From now on when I fly, instead of taking out flight insurance, I think I'm going to see if I can get a policy that offers Combat Pay. It seems like it will come in way more handy.

Namaste' Till Next Time,
Holly aka She Who Still Flies But...

Use A Whip And A Chair

My day started out just fine. On Sunday, we all seem to do as we like at the pace we want to move. No real demands, no phones to answer.  And in my world, I thought I'd take the quiet time to do some laundry. It was all going pretty well.

Until the fitted sheet was ready to join the party. And my Sunday became a fight for my life.

I am a pretty awesome house keeper.  I've been taught how to do most everything that's part of living in a structure.  My Family calls me The Laundry Fairy. Hell, I even know how to can and knit.

But handling a fitted sheet?  I need a whip and a chair.  You cannot back down from the fitted when it comes out of the drier.  You must immediately command control.  If you even blink, the fitted sheet will be on you like white on rice and you will be totally consumed by it; especially if it is the most deadly of all the Fitteds...

THE FITTED KING SHEET!!!!

In my mind, In HollyLand, where I live and it is orderly and sunny all the time, this what I thought I'd end with; look at that!  Isn't it gorgeous?  Can't you just imagine opening your linen closet to see all of the sheets in their contained habitat?  You know you want these little packets of bed linen!  Admit it! Go ahead, I'll wait...

Not one to be outwitted by domestic wild life, I went on-line and studied countless hours of videos and articles.  Here's one that I came across.  First let me say that anything that takes 18 steps no longer falls within the classification of EASY....

...next, and perhaps more importantly, take a look at that woman's vacant, even a tinge fearful, expression.  She knows the fight she's in for and well, she doesn't have much hope of surviving.

So after hours of research and even more time in attempting to replicate the process, this is what I ended with and it is SUNDAY and I don't have to do everything the way it's supposed to be done because it is SUNDAY, (did I mention that?) and it's supposed to be an easy day when I do what I want at the speed at which I want to do it!  So, I am satisfied with what I did. Yes, that mushroom at the very bottom is the dreaded THE FITTED KING SHEET! Don't you dare judge me!! It was Sunday!

But, for those of you who are more evolved than I, and you want to know how to do this correctly so that your closet looks like Martha Stewart sprinkled Magic Martha Dust well, just follow this video. I've watched this so many times, I'm sure this woman has had two more birthdays by now.



You're welcome!

Namaste' Till Next Time,
Holly aka Her Own Domestic Goddess 

Where To Go And Why It Matters

Right from the top, I'm telling you that these are simply my thoughts.  I truly don't know enough about this lifestyle issue to share facts.  But, writing about it is the way to get my thoughts out on the topic of the president recently rolling back federal regulation, and turning it back to the states, the battle over which bathroom a citizen should use or be mandated to use.

Talk about an over reach of government!  Now they want laws about using a public restroom!!

As far as I'm concerned, this whole controversy is specious. It's not like we have someone standing at the door determining if one has a penis to use the men's room.  Or, if a woman has a vagina in order to gain access to the women's room.

Seriously, if no one is forced to look at your junk while you're in there, then which restroom one feels most comfortable in using is clearly for the individual to decide.

Michael and I disagree on this topic.  He believes that men, e.g. a penis carrying Human should have to use the men's room.; if you have a vagina, you should have to use the women's room.  The whole issue of choice makes him cringe.

Perhaps the confusion is because we're older and more familiar with the labels of gay, lesbian, cross dresser, gender bending, but not as familiar with the concept of Transgender.  Michael feels like Transgender means a person who is, let's say, born a male but 'feels' like they are a woman or a person born a female who 'feels' like they are a man.

I maintain that it's more than that.  There is a vast difference between female and woman.  A vast difference between male and man. It starts with a feeling, yes, but ultimately those who really believe themselves Transgender invest incredible amounts of energy, work and emotion to change their bodies and psyche', presenting to the world their true identity.  It's much more complicated a process than simply a female wearing men's clothes or vice versa.

Again, I remind you that my words here are very simplistic about a life style that is so much more complex.

For me, while I don't really understand what is all the craziness about this restroom issue, I maintain that it is more important and less disruptive for the Transgender individual to use the restroom that is correct for the identity they show the world and not the plumbing with which they are born.

Let me give you an example--  Suppose you and I were out shopping and this gorgeous woman



walked into the restroom with us.  Other than being totally envious of her gorgeousness, the fact that she was in there wouldn't phase us at all.  She'd go to her stall and we'd go to ours.

But, that totally fabulous woman is actually born male.  That beauty is Ms. Laverne Cox who identifies and lives as a woman and works very successfully as an actress.

Now, let's say Michael was on his way into a public restroom and this guy, again totally gorgeous, walked in after him.  However, instead of walking up to a urinal, he steps into one of the stalls available in men's rooms because, let's be honest, sometimes a guy just needs to poop!

Mike wouldn't be suspicious of a 6'2" man going into a stall to do his business.  Except that guy is Casey Legler, a 30 something, born female who works exclusively as a male model! Casey lives life as a man.

Here's my point.....

If Laverne was forced, due to absurdly intrusive laws, to use a Men's Restroom, I believe guys would be highly uncomfortable seeing her walk in.  Just as women would be totally flustered if that hunk, Casey, walked in to use the women's room.

Men don't want women in the restroom (they'll tolerate it at concerts and stadiums when a gal's just gotta go and the line is way too long for the women's room,) and women most certainly have a lot to say about men in the room with them when they're doing their business!  What plumbing they may have hiding under their clothes doesn't cause any issue in comparison to seeing a female where she shouldn't be or a male where he shouldn't be peeing!

If a female who lives life as a man is in a public restroom, I bet my life that (s)he would use a stall, not a urinal.  And, I would bet the same about s(he) who lives life as a woman!  People simply want to do their business in private even when in a public restroom.

Want to limit the drama and confusion?  The easiest way- just hold it till you get home. Or, change them all to unisex. Or, allow who we see to use the one that's suited for the image they present the world.

For those ridiculous enough to take this argument to the extreme, suggesting that without regulations you'll have perverted men who say they identify as women simply to use a girl's bathroom or locker room in order to waggle their penis for all to see, is stupid.  Just as it's crazy to think that a person like Casey would walk in to the boy's for the sole purpose of showing off her vagina.

For those who yell it's uncivilized to have a female in the men's room or a male in the women's room, I'm telling you that it's a lot more disconcerting and confusing to see a woman where she doesn't belong or a man where he shouldn't be!

A truly Transgender individual IS NOT a sexual deviant!  If you have those two things linked in your mind, then do the work to learn the facts!

Anyone who walks into either restroom for the express purpose of  a sexual charge or flaunting their plumbing is an Exhibitionist, not Transgender! Living life as an authentic Human Being is complicated enough without adding this foolish fuel to the fire. Those who truly are Transgender seem to be those Human Beings who exemplify what it means to have courage to live, as my blog title says, "... being a real Human Being."

Being real is not easy and not without risk. Being a REAL Human Being has almost nothing to do with sexual organs. Being REAL is about heart, mind, spirit, soul.

And as far as I'm concerned, your birth anatomy and regardless your self-identify as male or female/man or woman, the only time in a restroom I might raise my eyebrow at you is if you don't wash your hands before exiting! That's what should be against the law in any state!

Namaste' Till Next Time,
Holly aka She Who Wants People To Pee In Peace 

FaceBook Killed My Blog, Then Politics Killed My FaceBook

It would seem that the immediate gratification of communicating with each other via social media platforms has really taken a bite out of blogging.  I guess the chance to reach more people is just too enticing.  But, when I think about the fact that I started Your Mother Knows as more or less a diary or repository for my thoughts, I'm not sure why I've drifted from it.

That's not correct- I drifted from it primarily because I have to invest more energy in my writing here versus the hit and run communication that I do on social media.  Hell, Twitter has been the best editor I've ever worked with because only having 146 characters at my disposal means get to the point.



So, I am back again because I absolutely, at this time, EFFIN' hate facebook.  Or more to the point, I hate the way people are being pre- and post election on facebook.  The amount of hysteria, hate, inflammation, craziness, panic, angst, fear is way beyond even what I experienced with Bush Derangement Syndrome. I'd even venture that if you asked any liberal if they'd take the current President Trump or have back President Bush, they would scream, "Bring George Back To The Oval Immediately!!!" That should give anyone perspective on the current level of crazy and backlash against the new 45th President of these UnUnited States.



As a PR person, I'm fully versed in how it feels to stand in front of a group and make a statement only to be blasted in response.  The ability to stand there, not react, and continue to try and discuss takes years to master.  It is very hard not to take it personally.  I'm proud to say for the most part of my career, I succeeded.  Not that I didn't go back to my office muttering, "ASSHATS!!!!," while slamming my office door.  Hell, I am only Human!

Yesterday I signed off of FB wishing everyone well.  I have had enough!  I am over seeing posts suggesting the end of the world and civilized society.  I'm done with reading things that would make one believe that I'm somehow a hideous Human because I voted for Trump. Or that I am somehow morally inferior to my friends on the left. I am finished with reading, "HAPPY NOW?!," every time someone at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue so much as picks up a pencil.

Here's what I can say to all my fellow facebook posters:

I can be somewhat concerned over some of the news coming from The White House without wishing they would start Impeachment Hearings for the new president.

I can be Pro-Choice and Anti-Abortion because of over-broad abortion policies. I can be Pro-Choice and strongly believe tax dollars should not be used to support clinics that provide these procedures.

I can be Pro-Access without having my taxes pay for your birth control. If you use it, pay for it yourself. I paid for mine.

I can be Pro-Birth and not Anti-Woman.

I can be Pro-Life and see the reasonable desire of some to be peacefully freed from the pain of their failed bodies.

I can be a champion of immigration and still believe it should be done within the legal limits the laws of this country have drawn. I can believe that if you are here illegally and have found yourself facing our legal system, you should be permanently deported.

I can be a conservative in regard to spending and rather socially liberal.

I can be a supporter of the Gay and Lesbian community without being a Democrat!

I can wonder about the complexities of Trans-Gender without judging the individual.

I can be white without being racist.  I can vote for a Republican candidate and support Human Rights.

I can multi-task and hold various opinions and like every other Human Being on this earth, I can be more than one-dimensional on any issue you might wish to discuss and debate.

What I am not willing to do is have every single thought or comment I post on my wall used as fodder for people who simply want to pick a fight.

What I am not willing to do is be judged by Liberals or Conservatives.

I am not willing to fill my day with people who want to live with the drama instead of looking at the facts. Or, shout at me if I attempt to respectfully post the facts.

I am not willing to fill my wall with people who do not want to listen to any opinion that varies from their own.

Or, with people who lecture me on my choices.

I am not willing to deal with people who think access to my page on social media means you can say whatever you want to me! I did not Friend you on facebook to fight!

STOP!  Just stop!!!!  I used to be paid to let people blast me for my comments, but I'm not getting paid any longer to listen to your shit!!!!  I call DONE!

I'm to the point of absolutely wanting to slap people, which is about me, not really them.  People are going to be who they are.  And as infuriating as it is to me right now, they have the right to do and say what they wish. If I don't like it, I have to go.  Exercise my options... vote with my feet.  So, here I am back to my blog once more. Why?  Because I'm a communicator and I have a deep desire to reach out and connect with others. Because I am a writer and the need to hone my craft is a niggling itch that never goes away. Because I am a Human Being and need someplace safe to process my thoughts.

Right now, we have a brand new President in the Oval Office.  Personally, do I like the man?  I DO NOT KNOW because I don't know him, personally.  News flash, neither do you!  Do I think I might not want to have him as a personal acquaintance?  Leaning very much toward, yes.  But, then again, if I knew the man personally, I might change my mind.



Because I voted for him, does it mean that I think him the perfect candidate?  NO.  However, as unorthodox as is his personal style of communicating, he didn't keep me up nights worried as much as the idea of Mrs. Clinton sitting in the Oval.  So, I voted my conscience from strictly a political point of view.

My pulling that lever on election day did not automatically turn me into a hater of Immigrants, LGBT, Muslims, Women, The Environment, Climate Change Theory, Little Children, Education, Social Programs, Those In Need, The Poor, and whatever else you might want to throw into the Shit Stew that is currently life in America.  I am the same person.  The very same person.  If you genuinely were my friend before I voted, you should respect me and understand that we don't have to agree on every single thing.

I am adult enough to understand that I do not have to like a person personally in order to understand they might be the best person for the job.  I may hate their personal style, but their resume of success is enough to prove why they are sitting in the seat.  And, even more, I trust in the Will of The American People and our process of government!

But, our world is not the same place.  Instead we now live in a world where the only thing of value is a person's feelings and their right to hurl them at others!  Their feelings are the only thing of paramount importance.  Their feelings; not yours.  We no longer understand the value of taking a measured stand on issues.  We no longer teach the importance of putting what's best for the majority ahead of what we might want as an individual.  We no longer view the world via a Servant's Heart. We do not know what it means to be a good citizen, instead we just want to be emoting bags of FEELINGS!

We have turned social media into a tool for acting out. We don't use it as a platform to learn from each other or where we share common ground.

I cannot abide the hysteria.  Can't abide the complete and total denigration of a man who has been on the job for about two weeks.  Most of us starting a new job are lucky to remember where the bathrooms are within the first two weeks, but can we give the guy whose office is in a complex as complicated as The White House a chance?!  Oh, HELL NO!  We can't be reasonable.  We can't take a wait and see position.  We can't act like Human Beings instead of a mob out to kill The Monster.

And, the war continues with this next chapter of the presidency with the Democrats and Republicans in Washington just as bad if not worse.  The Democrats are going to fight like fiends against any and everything because that's what their base demands.

We certainly can't be civil in our discourse.  We can't discuss with each other.  We cannot listen to each other.  We don't want to think, analyze, garner facts... we just want to react.

We want the toxic feeling of drama coursing through our hearts and minds- living as if our hair's on fire!

But, I don't.  I don't want it even for a few minutes much less Every. Single. Minute. Of. The. Day. as it is currently in Social Media.

I've lost friends, (by that I mean FB friends, which aren't really real.  It's not like the ones who unfriended me ever spent one real-time minute sitting and looking at me while we talk,) because of a man I don't know personally.  I've been unfriended over my civic duty of casting my vote. I've lost friends who got so mad reading comments made by others on my posts, that they decided I am not worthy of their time and energy. Sadly, I have had one or two people who have known me awhile in real time simply turn on me, too. Was it because I baited them or belittled them? Nope; it was because I had the audacity to give them my differing opinion on the posts on their walls.

Concurrently, I had several people message me off facebook basically asking why I tolerate people talking to me as they do.  And that's been my conflict; feeling personally savaged while still attempting to stay true to my core belief that dialogue is the only thing that can save us.  That being open is the only possible answer to our annihilation. But, when a young friend of mine, a guy whose take on the world is pretty solid and grounded, texted me to say that he found me way more tolerant and civil than he could ever be, it started my wheels turning...

Am I allowing mySelf to be abused by others simply because I believe so strongly in the importance of letting people express themselves?  The answer came back, "Sadly, yes."  Eventually I picked being kind to mySelf over the need for others to be crazy on something as inconsequential as a social media platform.

So be it. I'm done with it for now.  Eventually, I may go to see what people are posting about their dogs or their kids. I may want to see what new recipe someone has found and really likes.  But not until I can control mySelf and not want to bitch slap people who have been fucky with me simply because they can get away with it.

For believe me, I don't care how passionately you feel about things, I guarantee that you do not have the courage to be in the same space with me and talk like that.  You wouldn't have the nerve because you'd be looking into my eyes and you could not deny that I am a Human Being standing there being excoriated by you...

...over matters that neither YOU nor I have the power to control.  Over matters which, on the day to day, do not change how you live from the time you wake till you crawl back in bed at night.

...over people whom we will never know personally.  Instead, on a stupid social media platform, you'll lecture me from your moral high ground of superiority about how I should be tolerant of all social issues and people while you are completely intolerant of me or others having any opinion that varies from your own.

Hypocrite.  Let me give you a few minutes to yank that blank from your eye before you start searching for the splinter in mine. I want you to see clearly when you see me. As sad as it might be, I can live without you being kind, for which I've given up all hope. But, I cannot and will not abide people who refuse to be civil when I can simply stop your access to my space.

Namaste' Till Next Time,
Holly aka She Who Is Done With facebook, For Now

A Butterfly Flaps Its Wings In My Yard...

I'm sure you've heard the sentiment, "A butterfly flaps its wings somewhere and the wind changes, and a warm front hits a cold front off the coast of western Africa and before you know it you've got a hurricane closing in."  It's a way to explain Chaos Theory which basically goes to teach that for every action we take good or bad, it impacts something, somewhere down the line in ways that we can't predict or even imagine.  For me, it's a good reason to sit still and do absolutely nothing for the rest of my life because, well, who needs that kind of power or lack of control?!  

However, since I've decided to create this blog post, I'm sure that my decision will impact events in ways I didn't envision, so I may as well continue.  You may want to get out your storm gear just in case.

At the very edge of my property runs what is left of the driveway that lead to the tiny farm house that was home to the people who owned the farm this development now rests on.  It was tucked up in a canopy of over-growth and trees.  You could tell it was once loved as day lilies still bloomed close to the foundation.  By the time the developer bought this 50+ acres, it didn't much resemble a farm and the house was falling to ruin.  We all hoped the small house could be saved, but it would have cost way too much to reclaim it.

All that is left of the original owners is the long driveway and some of the huge pines edging it.  It's taken me awhile to get used to the notion that I have a driveway as the last few feet of my property, but it has come in handy when we need to get mulch or other things to the backyard.  A truck fits down it quite well.

Over time, the concrete has broken up and fallen apart further along the drive, but up at our end the first four home owners still have concrete. It's become wild and overgrown as the years have gone on. While we have our grass cut as part of our monthly dues, wild areas are left to the homeowners to manage as part of their property. We aren't a condo association with all the exterior being common ground.  We each own our quarter-acre property as well as the house that sits on it.

Our home owners association, envisioned ours to be a 'no fence' community, at least for the patio homes.  This means that we all have the freedom to do what we wish when it comes to gardening.  We liked the idea that one would see a continuous vista of green open space with the Laurel Highlands as the back drop.  It's one of the best views I've ever been blessed with as a home owner.

It's actually worked out very nicely.  We all collaborate with each other about plants and flower beds and other things we wish to do so that it's become quite a close knit group.  We all benefit from the additions and plants.  It's park-like. We've given an open invitation for our neighbors to feel free to use our fire pit anytime they'd like.  And there's a great deal of chatting back and forth when we're out.  Nice.  Very!

The other day My Lion said, "I'm going to get a quote to have the landscaper clean out the back.  I want to be able to get a vehicle down there again.  And, we have to keep it cleaned out so that the gas utility people can get to the gas line for service.  Can you talk with the neighbors to see if they want to participate?"

To be honest, over the ten years we've lived here, it had become a real mess.  My neighbor Theresa and I especially dumped our yard waste down there.  I mean, what are you going to do with all the cut back?  The trash company won't take it to the landfill and we don't have a recycling spot that will accept it so it seemed an easy solution.

It turned out it wasn't our best idea.  Why?  Because as it got more and more filled with yard debris and grass clippings, it's become a bridge from the farm directly behind us to our yards for ground hogs and snakes and you name it.  And, as it became more overgrown, we've had lots of incidences of neighborhood kids using it for whatever nefarious deeds young people are want to do. The last straw was finding what turned out to be my neighbor's stuff strewn about and picked over after her car was broken into and well, enough was enough.

I talked with my neighbors on either side.  Theresa immediately said she agreed and would contribute.  My neighbors on the other side said they'd have to think about it.  The neighbor on the other side of them said, "No, I'll have my guy take care of it like he does twice a year.  Thanks."

Last Friday, the landscaper came with a small bobcat and they got to work to cut back the trees and brush and weed-wacked till it was down to the low point.  The bobcat was used to shorten how many hours he'd have to charge to have them remove the debris by hand.  It was either pay for the equipment rental or pay them per hour for clean-up.  We went with the equipment option which was actually a bit cheaper and I am certain they all breathed a sigh of relief when we did.

In about four hours time they had it returned to the way it looked when we moved in- in fact better! Perfectly cleaned out and down to the original cement drive.  Now we have a natural fire break and the critters will possibly think twice before sauntering over to our yards.  I hope.  Theresa was pleased with the job.  We were completely pleased with the job.  Michael told the three neighbors what the job cost and asked them to contribute what they feel it is worth to them.  In case you're curious, the job cost $1500.  He says, "Regardless if they want to contribute, the job had to be done so I did it."

Now, $1500 is a pretty big price tag and we're totally hoping that the neighbors will kick in, but if they don't we still feel we what was best for our property and for the good of the community.  So, I bet you're wondering why I started out this post with the whole Chaos Theory bit, aren't you?  I'll get to that now.

While the job was being done my neighbor, with whom we've been very friendly and who declined to be part of the job, rings the door bell.  I step out, big smile on my face because I'm always glad to see him and get totally bushwacked.  Totally.  He starts out by saying he's very upset and when I ask why he continues, "I thought we were friends!  And yet, without telling me that you're having equipment brought in and severely changing the grade of that back property, you just go and do it. I've called my attorney and if you cause a ponding, standing water issue for me, well, you're going to have to deal with my attorney."

Shocked, I answered, "I did call you and tell you we were going to have it cleaned out.  I offered you to be part of it if you wanted to have the brush and grass hauled away.  I know you have it weed-wacked twice a year but if you wanted the build-up removed, you could have done it!"

He went on to say we'd severely changed the grade and since he sits at the lowest point on the run, he'll have major issues.  I tried to tell him that we couldn't change the grade because the cement is already there.  He refused to believe me saying that cement only remained at the very top of the drive. I countered that he was incorrect.  Asked if he wanted to go back and look and he refused.

His parting words to me were, "I'm just really disappointed.  I thought we were friends and friends don't cause problems for friends." When he drove away I simply stood there.  Totally caught off-guard.

He's not spoken with us since.  My Lion says, "Once someone threatens me with their attorney, all conversation on my end stops.  I won't get involved with a treat. We have the pictures and a video that the landscapers shot that shows he already has a problem with standing water back there.  That's how they determined how far to go with the clean up."

Sigh.  SIGH.  MAJOR SIGH! Yes, I suppose this is one of those times when No Good Deed Goes Unpunished.  But, I have to say I am totally perplexed.  How can our decision to do what's right for our home and the homes immediately surrounding us, willing to absorb the total cost, be anything but a good thing?

How can a butterfly flapping its wings in my yard cause a total shite-storm Tsunami for our neighbor two houses away?!?  Can anyone explain that to me?  It seems Chaos Theory applies to people as well as our Universe, I suppose.

And, it turns out that Chaos Theory is correct; I never saw that one coming...

Namaste' Till Next Time,
Holly aka The Tsunami Starter

I Don't Know What Possessed Me At Walmart

Yesterday, I was standing in an aisle in Walmart.  Staring at the shelves for something I just knew should be there, but wasn't.  You know that stare...the one where you're looking in your refrigerator, just hoping if you look long enough, something you want to eat will magically appear.  Empty vacant stare  Not seeing what you want.  Wait, is that it?  Yeah?  No, false alarm.  THAT stare.

At any rate, while I was intently looking, to the corner of my awareness came people pushing a cart. My staring contest was slightly interrupted by a youngish male voice saying, "Well that's just stupid, Mom."  To which said mom replied quietly, "Please don't speak to me like that."  I continued staring for my desired item.

The very next statement the kid made was, "Well it is Mom, sometimes you sound dumb as shit!"

And I truly don't know what possessed me, but before I knew it, I could feel my eyes blazing, and I whipped around and to the kid I said, "Excuse me, young man, I do not know you but I will tell you this: don't you ever speak like that again.  This woman is your MOTHER and she deserves your respect.  She most certainly does not deserve to be spoken to like that EVER!  Especially not from you and especially not in public where others can hear your ignorance and wonder about how stupid you sound!!!"  There was a split second of shocked silence...I think all three of us were shocked.

The kid mumbled, "Well, she just sounds dumb sometimes!"  I felt the possession growing as I replied,"You don't get to say that to me or anyone else.  She is your MOTHER!"  He looked down and turned red.

Here's the funny thing.  While I was having the exchange with that kid, the woman standing beside me started to alter her being.  I could feel her energy change.  She was round shouldered and small when this got started, but I swear to you I could feel her shoulders pull back and her head come up and she felt secure...quiet...but secure.  It was so odd to feel that shift.

The kid mumbled petulantly, "I think I'm going to go wait in the car."  And both of us together said, "Good idea!"

I turned to walk away but before I left, I said to Mom, "Please forgive me for getting involved in your private business.  It's just that I know he was raised better than that, and you certainly deserve better than that from him."  She looked at me and said, "Oh don't worry about it, you're right, he was raised better than that."  She never acknowledged the most important part which is that she deserves better.  That's a real shame.

Here's what makes me wonder now in this age when we can no longer truly parent, discipline, correct, admonish, direct, or punish our kids for fear of social or legal retribution:  How do we deal with them when they become so emboldened that they have no idea of the limits?  How do we deal with them when we have entitled them to hold us emotionally and mentally hostage?  Like the boy yesterday in public, speaking like that because he probably knows his mother's not going to take the risk of  lowering the boom and being thought of as a bad parent? How is that in any way fair?!  Just?  How is it in any way good for a young person to have the world cow-tow to them and never get the crap smacked out them for being rude, mean, tyrannical? Why do we no longer believe in taking the immediate, sometimes harsh, measures necessary to gain an attitude adjustment?!  Why is their personal self-esteem more important than their manners and civility?

We become increasingly alarmed at the lack of civil connection young people seem to exhibit.  We bemoan how they all act as if it's all about them with never a thought about those around them.  We scream about the increase in bullying.  The increase in petty meanness.  Yet we don't seem to make the connection between the increase in terrible behavior with the way we have abandoned some basic tenants of parenting! The need to discipline, punish and set limits is a necessary part of parenting.  It's the key to turning a young wild animal into a Human Being fit for living in, and contributing to, society!  Setting limits is part of loving a young Spirit...so is just discipline.  They are actually a form of love just as much as a hug and a kiss.

How did we allow this world to turn the need to set limits, require one to speak in a respectful, civil way, and basic discipline of a young person into a sin and a crime?!

Oddly enough as I walked away, I realized all that time I was in the wrong aisle; I wanted the next aisle over. That's where the hot sauce I was searching for is shelved.

Namaste' Till Next Time,
Holly aka The Thunder

And They Ask Me Why I Drink!

Ring.....Ring....Ring.... "Good morning, Lakeview Animal Hospital. How can I help you?"
"Do you know Who this is?"
"Ohhh...why certainly, Princess Fiona, how may I serve you?"
"Please ask him to come to the phone."
"Your Highness, I'm sorry he's with a client at the moment."
DEEP ROYAL SILENCE and then, "HUMPH!"
"Of course Princess, forgive me, I don't know what I was thinking, I'll get him right now!"
Scant seconds later...
"Princess Fiona, I am here, how can I serve?"
"Good Day Doctor Ro, We wish to let you know that We have, once again, done our part.  We believe you have a child who is in need of a college fund, is this correct?"
"It is indeed, Highness!"
"Well, we have taken care of that.  Be ready when we come in to see you yet again."
"Princess Fiona, how would my family or I ever live without your grand patronage.  We are so very grateful!"
"Of course you are.  That will be all."

That toy?  The one at the top?  It languished in the toy box for months.  No one bothered with it.  Last night, we watched as Fiona ferreted it out and began softly gnawing on it.

This morning, Michael says, "You know that ring Fi got out of the box last night?  Take a look at it now."
"Holy crow!  Where are the pieces," I ask.
He just looks at me, "What pieces?"
And, if anyone asks me why I drink?  This would be a good example...very good example.

Thanks a heap Fiona.  I can't believe I'm saying this, but I'm hoping that poop patrol this week will be a very pink and colorful event.  Because I sure don't need another vet bill.  You and Doctor Ro are spending way too much time together of late.

Namaste' TIll Next Time,
Holly aka Fiona's Handmaiden

It's A Door, Not Effin' Rocket Science!

 My Lion, the other night, declares, "That's IT!  I am going to Lowe's tomorrow and buying a pet door and we're going to pay to have it installed.  I'm heating the entire outside leaving that door ajar so we don't have to act like the doorman at the Ritz so Argyle can go in and out and in and out!" 

"Fine by me," I think.  I get weary trying to keep up with Argyle.  He's one of those dogs who doesn't really wish to be out or in.  What he likes is the process of going out to in and in to out.  Over.  And over.  And over again.  What he really needs is a revolving door but we opted to the pet door instead, which was successfully added to the back door a few days ago.  It's not the most comely thing I've added to my decor, but if it keeps me from opening the door a million time a day, hey, I'll get over it.

Fiona and Rory watch me closely while I explain that this new door is the bomb and will make their life so much better.  "You can go out anytime you want to now and you can jet in when you'd like!  This is going to be great!"  As you can see by their faces, they're not really buying in to my enthusiasm.

 Even Argyle, who was the instigator of this purchase looks a little excuse the expression, hang dogged, when I take him to show him his new escape hatch.  WTF, what do you mean you're not sure about it?!

The directions that came with said wonderful invention explain that you need to use treats to lure your dog through it the first few times so it can catch on to how it operates.  Okay, I figure I'll use the one thing I know that will entice....liver treats!!  Rory, who is the most finicky eater ever, will never turn down a liver treat.  Hell, he'd stab Fiona to get to one of these things.

I don't wish to tell you how many of these things were ingested those first hours of training.  Let's just say that I'm afraid my fingers may well smell like this forever....eww....

 And, still, this is how the door looks most of the time.  Not because the dogs don't want to go out, oh no, they'll sit there and whine for me to come and do my Humanly duties.  I was saying on FB, "Come on, Rory, just use the effin' door!!!"  To which a friend of mine retorted, "Rory is most likely saying the same to you!"  Thanks a heap.  Okay, I admit that was funny.  Rory, it's a door...just go through it; it's not rocket science, there's no secret code, just push it with your nose and go!

At any rate, as the time ticked on, Argyle the youngest and most energetic, figures out that he can go outside and bark his butt off anytime he feels like it.  So he's taking to it; every morning, though, he sits at the door and looks at me waiting for it to be opened.  I go over and push the flap and it's like he recalls "Oh yeah, that's right, I can do it this way now," as he pushes it and jets out.  He's learned the secret-  NO HESITATION!  Don't stop half-way, just go;  done that way, and the flap doesn't press down on your head.

Fiona, the Princess, is not as amused by it all.  However, if Argyle is out barking, Bossy Bess simply must go to supervise so she'll push and not very gracefully stumble out barking the entire time.

Rory? You have got to be kidding.  No way he wants anything to do with it.  Rory is 'head-shy' and he ducks if you put your hand over his head.  He's been this way since he was a pup; he hates anything to press down on his head.  The flap made of heavy, flexible plastic, is meant to bend easily as the dog pushes on it.  That means it will touch his head!!!  He looks at me as if to say, "Tis a bleedin' death trrrrap!  If tis all the same tu ye, ah wheel juz let me kidneys burrrst.  Ah wheelna use the fashing thing!" 

If you look up the word, 'stubborn', there's most likely a picture of a Scottish Terrier next to it to illustrate the definition.

Rory, you're going to become the poster child for the axiom, "You can't teach an old dog new tricks,"!!!  This leads me to consider, "Am I like that?"  When something new comes along, a way that could make my life easier and more in my control, do I dismiss it out of hand because it's not the way I've always done things?

I hope not, but I'd have to be honest and say that I know I do it more than is good for me.  Just because it's the way I've always done it, doesn't mean it's the way I should do it going forward.  I think that is true for anything, including relationships.  When new and credible information comes to you, allowing you to reconsider your circumstances, at the very least, give it a good consideration.  Maybe you'll decide that you're too old a dog to change, but at least you'll make a conscious decision. 

Do not say a word.  Not one single word!!  Sometimes a parent or owner or senior Human Being has to do what it takes to help another move past their trepidation.  I'm not a saint.  I simply am not going to waste the money invested and I'm giving up my doorman's great coat.  That dog is going to learn to use this door or this old dog, (by that I mean me,) is going to die trying.  Lead by example, I say!

And, sometimes, being brave enough to set an example of the willingness to try new things is all that is needed.  Good boy, Rory, I KNEW you could do it!


Namaste' Till Next Time,
Holly  aka Mum

Let's Call It What It Truly Is

Last night, viewing the "debate" left me disliking both of these men completely.  This morning I woke up realizing that I shouldn't be simply disliking these two, but instead really direct my mail to the correct address.  I should have the chance to bitch-slap the organization, The Commission on Presidential Debates.  They are morons...not that these two are off the hook for not refusing to participate in last night's forum the way it was set up.

What something is called matters!  Don't hand me a pig's ear and call it a purse!  I know the difference.  So should most people.  Let me be clear:

As defined by Webster's:

debate n :  a contention by word or arguments as the formal discussion of a motion...  b : a regulated discussion of a proposition between two matched sides.

discussion n :  a consideration of a question in open and usually informal debate.

town hall meeting :  from Wikipedia : an American English term given to an informal public meeting derived from the traditional town meetings of New England. Everybody in a town community is invited to attend, voice their opinions, and hear the responses from public figures and elected officials about shared subjects of interest. Attendees rarely vote on an issue or propose an alternative to a situation. It is not used outside of this secular context.

Okay, now that we're clear, let's get back to the ridiculousness that was presented last night.  The second Presidential DEBATE was presented as using a TOWN HALL MEETING  format, where about 80 undecided registered voters were randomly chosen to be on the stage with Governor Romney and President Obama.  The intention was to have these voters ask questions that they wished answered; the questions were chosen in advance by the moderator.   With me so far?

It was supposed to lead to DISCUSSION between these two and the questioners who represent us, in terms of things we feel are important and would like to hear their ideas and notions.  It would give these two candidates the opportunity to more clearly define the differences between their view of the issues.

But, what we got was throw away moments of an American citizen honestly, and with commitment, asking their question only to have these two boobs use them as a springboard to go at each other.  There was no true exchange...no discussion...no respect...no better understanding of the people who were there, either of the people who asked the questions or these two who totally missed the point of the evening.

Shame on the Commission for setting this thing up for big failure in the eyes of any who watched this train wreck.  And, rather than thinking either one of the sparring partners came out the winner, as far as I'm concerned, they both lost.  And I lost an hour and a half of my life I'll never get back.

To my mind, the one who would have come out the winner, would have been the man who was smart enough to give a real rat's ass about, not only the question, but the questioner.  The winner would have been the one who momentarily connected to the man or woman standing there with major nerves jangling at the notion of asking a powerful person a question on national television.  The candidate who would have carried the night would have made that questioner feel important rather than a toss off.

The one who could have truly won the debate last night would have been the man who decided to stop fighting the guy standing next to him and concentrated, instead, on being in true COMMUNICATION with the individual who had asked the question.  The winning candidate would have stayed on the question instead of using it as a weasel hole to launch off into what else they wanted to say instead of answering what was courageously asked of them.

The winner would have demonstrated true care and commitment to being the leader of the free world by giving a damn about the citizens sitting in the circle around them instead of using them as fodder to spew their agenda.

But neither of them was smart enough to forgo their need to beat the other guy senseless and care more about the people.  Which, sadly, is the way most people running for political office at that level behave more times than not.  Especially in a public forum.  Does an individual give up their Human capacity to genuinely LISTEN, and thereby demonstrate the ability to truly care when they go into politics?!  Sadly, it seems they do.

Do I blame President Obama and Govenor Romney?  Not really.  After all, they are being constantly prepped for a DEBATE and this one was called The Second Presidential DEBATE.  No, I blame the Commission for calling it one thing, yet setting up as another thing by staging  it as a TOWN HALL MEETING.  Setting up the citizens on the stage as well as us in the viewing audience to hope against hope that these two men would rise to the occassion of being able to decern and give a damn about the difference.

Stop using the town hall format as a platform in a nation debate!  They are mutually exclusive concepts; set up this way they do not foster better understanding of the candidates.

Today, spokespeople of both parties will be on the news shows and talking head moments crowing about how their guy won last night.  They're all spinning it today.  I should know, I was part of the Spin Doctors as my career.

But the truth?  The real truth?  Both Romney and Obama failed because they were too determined to hammer their ideas and what they thought you should know rather than listen and connect to even one of the citizens who were part of the process with them.  They were too concerned about the smack-down between each other instead of taking the opportunity to show how they could and would genuinely care about the citizens they say they wish to serve.

Simply saying the questioner's name and thanking them for their 'important' question before you launch off on what you want to say instead of answering the question and connecting with them as a Human Being does not constitute truly caring!!!  Don't pander!  We know when you're doing it and we don't like it!!

So, shame on both of them.  Shame on the Commission on Presidential Debates, and shame on the moderator who allowed her bias to slip out too much.  I am, once again, totally disgusted with the political process.

Namaste' Till Next Time,
Holly

Enough! Know When To Say It

For the love of God! Be warned. If someone like me, someone who is lousy with numbers and math, can see that there's a problem here....well, let's put it this way....we're all royally screwed.

Because if the problem continues long enough and grows messy enough, even someone who as stupid as I am with numbers can finally see it. Even though, by then, it's a total cluster screw. And, Ladies and Gentlemen, I'm telling you....

This economy and Washington's attempts to correct it? The Queen can see the problem. Time to roll down a flight of steps to kiss your ass goodbye.

Yesterday, I'm listening to the news. Big mistake. I don't know why I do it. It's not unlike yanking out my eyelashes. And, I hear the latest attempt by the Fed to correct the economy is to put another TRILLION dollars into the fix. Absolutely crazy, right? But here's what's truly appalling, the trillion? There will be a bit of a delay while they feverishly PRINT IT FIRST!

Print it?! Are you kidding me? Print it!

Isn't that about as ridiculous as a youngster's foolish thinking that just because you have blank checks in your check book, it's an indicator that you have money to spend???

How old were you before your fiscally responsible parent disabused you of that wrong thinking? I was about 10. Didn't any politician have parents who helped them understand that when it comes to money and living life....

Don't write a check that your money and mouth can't back up!!!

If we keep lying to ourselves...if we keep printing money. You'll need a wheel barrow full of it to take to buy a loaf of bread!

Don't take my word for it; go read about life during our Civil War, when Confederate currency became worthless. Or, read about the Russians and what happened to their Ruble. Or, Germany following the war. Or, what lead the French to their Revolution. And, it had nothing to do with cake! Which, by the way, Marie Antoinette NEVER said. But for God's sake, learn what happens when a government continues to act like fools, behave without a conscience, and do whatever they want- refusing to listen to the people.

Couple that with our current mania for all inclusiveness, and we have a flash point that is Armageddon in its potential. This could be the end of American civilization as we know it. I'm not suggesting whether that's a good or bad thing, that's on you to decide for yourself. I'm simply stating that life as we recognize it may well be over. You better get ready.

Look, here's the deal. It's not real; none of it. Money is not real. It's a tangible representation of energetic exchange. But, you have to ask, what's really going on here? If it isn't real, what's wrong with continually printing more of it? Because, when you print money instead of working to correct a problem, it further pollutes a bad situation. Because, it's not backed by truth, not funded in real currency- it's not genuine. It will do no good at all to help things get better!

As Betty Davis, in All About Eve, said so memorably, "Fasten your seat belts boys, it's going to be a bumpy night!"

You know that I believe that all of us succeed or none of us does; a rising tide raises all ships. But, that's on the energetic, spiritual plane of existence. Here on earth, where life is a learning lab constructed for our highest spiritual development, failure is a necessary part of the rising tide.

As Humans, we learn more from our failures than we do from our successes. Failure makes you look at yourself. Wonder about what should have been done differently or better. Humbles you and makes you more open to awareness of yourself as a spiritual being. It's hard and bitter. Failure is not for the weak-hearted. But it is critical to the future.

Success simply tells you, keep doing more of the same. It's not innovative. It doesn't change. It's actually quite static.It's failure that makes us curious about what we missed...what could be improved...what's what!

FAILURE MAKES US BETTER! STRONGER! MORE RESILIENT! MORE HUMAN!

So, when we insist on this mindset that all of us must succeed, the astronomical cost associated with it be damned, the reverse is what we get. We set up conditions for all of us fail. Cease to be. We legislate the spirit of winners and entrepreneurs out of our country.

Based on our current crazy behavior, if we had authorized the Federal Government to run the Titanic, there would have been ZERO survivors! Why? Because they would have insisted that none of us could get into the life boats unless all of us did.

If the Federal Government was funding Thomas Edison as he attempted to invent the light bulb, we'd be sitting in the dark. We'll never know the true number, but it's famed that it took Edison 10,000 attempts to make a bulb that worked. When a reporter asked him how he felt about that sort of grand failure, Edison said, "I haven't failed, I simply now know 10,000 ways not to create a light bulb."

However, if the current political climate were running the show, they would have said,"That's all right Thomas, we don't need to keep doing that now. You tried really hard, though; good job! Here's some money. Go invest in lamp oil or whatever. We'll continue to do just fine with that."

Stop allowing Big Government to increase its footprint and control of FREE enterprise and the economy! Please. I'm begging. There's no place for Washington in private enterprise. It will cease to be and then, so will we. Oh you're right, attempting to legislatively decrease the gap between the haves and the have-nots, absolutely means we'll be on a more level playing field.

But the field will hold a tent city where all of us struggle to survive!

Ask the Russians how the experiment with socialism worked! Everyone certainly was made equal; equally poor, starved, terrorized, and unmotivated to attempt change. They were provided housing and forced to live with perfect strangers; the lights on most of the time but there were no books to read, nothing to watch; heat worked most of the time but no thermostats to control it; government provided health care that one waited months to access; unaffordable food although Russia is a massive country that could be farmed but there was no equipment or supplies; and very little else. Wake Up! It's not like we haven't seen examples of what's currently beginning in our country!

Big Business and the me-first-you-last behavior that goes with some big money is a necessary part of the dog at the gate. It's the part that's likely to bite you, true, but it's also the part that keeps us on our toes and moving forward. Big money is also the thing that supports philanthropy...gives us medical buildings....gifts us public libraries...parks...museums...works to end social ills, disease, hunger.

Everyone is furious with AIG for doling out bonuses in this shitty economy. Agreed. But, don't ask the Washingtonian thieves to do anything to correct that. Stop looking to the government to legislate correct behavior! Have you never heard of BIG BROTHER?! What? You think because we passed 1984 that we dodged that bullet??? Focus on the real problem- politicians who didn't set up the stipulations on the bail out money as part of the agreement! Who didn't proceed with a plan instead of a panic.

You can't give someone a loan, without stipulations and parameters, and then attempt to control how the person uses the money! That's legislation after the fact! Not possible! Why aren't we angry that we have politicians who are that stupid, that corrupt, that asleep at the switch, that they give our money away, and then act like bastions of correct behavior post facto?

Doing the morally correct thing, freely making the best choice for the best outcome for all of us, is a process of learning to be a real Human Being. You can't legislate that! It's a process. It's understandable to be frustrated that the AIG execs, despite knowing what total chaos we're facing, still can't find it in themselves to do the right thing and refuse the bonuses. You should be furious with politicians who are that stupid and short-sighted. But, don't expect stupid behavior to effectively change insensitive behavior. It can't.

We cannot continue to turn to Washington for a fix; it's like leaving a dingo to watch your baby. We have to get right with the fact that some things will perish. Some things need to be allowed to fail. We're not playing pee-wee T ball here! We all don't get to stand and swing repeatedly until we connect. We can't all live small so all of us feel good. We must allow things, some individuals, and perhaps this economy, to hit bottom. We need to do it sooner than later.

If we sanction the Fed to continue to print monopoly money, our Dollar will be so devalued, we'll lose our world standing totally. No one will trade with us. No one will lend us a thing. Foreign money will pull out and things will collapse. We'll be held in a terminal dog paddle hoping we can stay afloat. Endlessly struggling to keep our heads above the rising waters. Eventually, we'll succumb, but not before we ruin the world for our kids and grandchildren.

Enough! It's time to take a solid stand. This far, no further. There are times when you have to be courageous enough to surrender the useless struggle. Allow yourself to sink. Perhaps drown. Sink to the very bottom with your faith intact. But, once you sink, when your feet brush the firm bottom, you have the chance to push UP and break the surface. Living once more.

I know it's frightening. But, it's time to pick our poison. Do we want to be killed in tiny small doses delivered without our control? Or would we rather pick the time and place of the battle? The battle that might kill us, but may prove to make us victoriously triumphant through passing defeat. Stronger for what we endured. Wiser for what we lived through. Not just here in America, but for our entire global village.

I can guarantee which choice this old Spartan makes. The question is, which one will you make?

Namaste' Till Next Time,
Holly

I Feel Safer Now

Yesterday, the Mayor of Pittsburgh and his city council demonstrated such legislative prescience, that I am completely amazed and have to share it with you. It's not often that a group of politicians are this vigilant and concerned with citizen safety. And, it's even more rare when they move so quickly to make sure that bad guys are tagged and dragged out in the open, thus neutralizing their danger.

The hours following the Steeler Super Bowl win in January were the last straw. How many times can you witness such deadly behavior and not do your political best to end the madness? In my opinion, this legislation will make some uncomfortable, but The Council is paid to do the right thing for the City of Pittsburgh and its citizens. Many may violently disagree with the new legislation, but it has to be done. So, be aware, if this groundbreaking bit of law-making passes, hence forth, there will be no more couches permitted on open porches.

Ever again. And, we will sleep safely once more.

Yeppers. No more West Virginia gliders will be seen on Pittsburgh porches. Unless yours is glass enclosed...then you can have one. But, if your porch or front stoop is open to the atmosphere, you may not, under penalty of law, have a couch there. Nope. Not any more...

It's simply unsafe. Those rowdy students from Oakland at University of Pittsburgh could come along and snatch it to set on fire in the streets! Or, those crafty brainiacs at Carnegie Mellon could use it as a space rocket or something, turning it into a trajectory of doom. Who knows what can be done with a settee? So, we're removing them from a bad guy's arsenal. Forever.

So there, Mr. Bad Guy! Ruffian Students. Rabble Rousing Super Bowl Winning Pittsburgers. Take some of that! No more divans for you to use against us! And Pittsburgh is safe again!

But I wonder....aren't we rushing to judgment about these upholstered assassins? Aren't we sending a biased message here? Is it fair? Politically correct? Shouldn't Pittsburgh law makers also be legislating the couches' partners in crime? Who is going to have the guts to go after the Zippo lighters? Doesn't anyone see what I see? I think we need to crack down on the easy access to those city transients, those disposable lighters! Those cheap, sparky domestic terrorists.

Maybe we should license them. Make it less easy to walk into a convenience store and snatch one off the rack. Perhaps a three day waiting period? Personally, I think that if those trouble making lighters weren't around everywhere, the couches would settle down and stop causing such problems.

I think I'll write to the mayor and let him know my thoughts on this.

Here's the only bit of advice I can give you if you don't live in Pittsburgh and you don't have such protective legalisation to keep you safe: If you walk into your home today, and you hear even the slightest bit of growling or noise coming from you sofa--RUN. It's gone rogue and can no longer be trusted to live safely with you. Find a way to get it outside immediately. Then call the frat houses at U Pitt. They are highly trained in this circumstance and they'll happily come and take it off your porch for you.

And remember: When couches are outlawed, only outlaws will have couches.

Or something like that. God, today is one of those days when I am simply misty eyed to live in America.

Namaste' Till Next Time,
Holly