Silent Sermon Sunday

Over A Year In The Making

It's taken me over a year to write this post.  I'm still not sure I'm up for it, but at this point I know it won't ever be my best work, or the easiest to construct; certainly it won't be easy to read, ever.  But, there you have it.  Some of the most necessary writing is the worst to create.  On the steps together are Argyle, Rory, and Fiona.  It's one of the last times I was able to capture an image with the three of them.  On January 29, 2015 Michael and I said farewell to Rory and Fi and sent them together on their journey to The Rainbow Bridge.

For any pet parent, the decision to do this is the worst.  I call it the Hideous and Heroic Thing. Hideous because you are making the decision to end the pet's life.  Heroic because, in all cases, the decision comes when you can almost hear your beloved pet whisper, "Oh thank you for loving me enough to end my suffering."

We decided to do it this way because Rory & Fiona had spent every day of their lives together after being born 10 days apart.  Fiona was first and from the same sire different dam.  Rory always looked to Fiona to tell them what they should do.  I never once saw him question her authority.  As they got older, if he didn't agree with her, he'd simply ignore her, but he never once challenged her.

In the end, they were only nine years old and both were dealing with very unexpectedly serious issues.  With Rory, I tried for two years to get him well-- after all, it was just a skin issue!  With Fiona, her cancer showed up out of the blue and as there is no cure for Transitional Cell Carcinoma of The Bladder- TCC for short, well, I just hung my head, opened my hands, and yielded to The Creator with this defeated prayer, "I can't do this any longer.  My life is consumed with trying to keep them together body and soul.  And, I am failing.  They deserve better.  I love them too much to keep them here."  Her cancer was the final straw.

I think I now understand how a parent of several children, one of them with special needs or serious behavioral issues, must feel torn.  All the energy goes to keeping the child at risk or in need together. At some point, though, in a moment of calm, your attention is attracted by your good child who never makes demands on you, always does as you ask, tries to help you care for the sick child, and never ever has your time. You think, "Oh you beautiful child how unfair this all is for you..."

I looked at sweet Argyle and realized he was getting more than the short end of the stick. Rory and Fiona had never bonded with him.  They learned to live with him.  They accepted he is part of our pack, but they never really interacted with him. Toward the end, I would see Fiona cleaning Argyle's face and I'd often them see them laying near each other, but the same can't be said of Rory.  In fact, it was a couple of months after Argyle came that I noticed a quarter sized red, wet, raw spot on Rory's side.

And that took off like wild fire; Rory became beyond miserable with a skin issue that no one could identify and nothing helped.  I became like a Valkyrie trying to heal him.  Eventually, it got so that My Silly Boydog wanted nothing to do with me or anything around him.  He was that miserable and uncomfortable.  And THAT, that was the moment I felt my heart break.  My Beloved Boydog, my Silly Boydog avoided being near me.  Just because I was constantly trying through baths, and potions, and pills, and powders, and oils, and, and, and....he just couldn't stand it any longer and neither could I.

Fiona, my little die-hard was much different.  First, she developed Cushing's Disease which, for me, was no big deal to manage.  I'd had a Cairn Terrier with it so I knew what to expect. Her drug, while expensive, kept her symptoms well controlled.  At its start, Cushing's is really a quality of life issue before it actually begins to effect the organs enough to make it a life threatening disease.

So long as the Bossy Bess got her two square meals, treats, and her bonies to gnaw on, things were good.  Then one day, she began having trouble peeing and there was lots of blood. We thought it was a bladder stone, but when she got to surgery, well, it wasn't that.  My vet called from the OR to give me the news that he'd found cancer. And that moment is when I felt my heart and back break.

There's no cure for TCC.  And, although the scientists at Purdue University are working like Trojans to find answers, any answer wouldn't come in time for our girl.  There are a rare few Scotties who go through treatment and come out cancer free.  Most of the time, an owner only gets a few hard months with their dog before the dreaded day comes.  And, those months are far from quality.  Far from...

Michael and I talked it over.  I called some very close Scottie friends to tell them what we were facing and to ask for their input. And, like I said, I finally offered my prayer of defeat or maybe it was a prayer of final acceptance, and we made the decision.

My husband made the observation, "I think, even though Fiona still feels pretty good, we should send them journeying together.  Fiona would be fine without Rory here, but I honestly don't think Rory could cope with the leaving of Fiona on top of how physically miserable he is feeling."  I couldn't have agreed more with that assessment.  At the same time, I knew my mind would snap if I sent Rory on and in six months or less, was looking to take that final walk with Fiona.  Call me weak, but I just could not do it.  "I think we should send them together; they've spent every day with each other. Let's allow them to take this final walk with each other," whispered Michael. I nodded.

Mike called our vet; he immediately said he thought we were making the right decision.  He agreed to bring a tech with him to our home where we could let them go surrounded by the familiar and loved ones. I said to Dr. Roman, "I'm afraid I'm cheating Fiona out of time."  He answered, "Holly, I think you're doing the right thing here.  Most of the time, we euthanize an animal on the worst day of its life.  It makes it that much more terrible for the family and the pet.  Allowing them to go when they are still a bit happy with life is a blessing."  I won't ever forget him saying that.

The end was quiet and peaceful as these journeys are generally.  I held Rory in my arms and Michael held Fiona.  And all too soon, their time with us was done.  We had them cremated together and their ashes wait, with all my other beloved dogs, to be blended with my ashes when the time comes for my journey to The Bridge.

Why has it taken me so long to record this in a blog?  It's not as if it was my first experience taking that final walk with a dog.  It won't be my last.  I think it's because of the immense impact it's had on me spiritually.  I think the two years of struggling every day with them, most especially Rory, had imprinted me with some form of post traumatic stress.  I didn't want to talk about it, even though I knew there were many kind souls who would listen. I could not find the words to express my feelings and thoughts.  I could not find the way to tell the story without covering every, terrible, harrowing detail of the struggle we'd gone through.  And, if I can't tell a story in a way that is clear and succinct, well, I'm not going to tell it.

So, I didn't write about it here although my friends on Facebook knew what was happening and their outpouring of grief and prayers and good wishes was a true balm to our souls.  It was heart healing to hear how many people had come to love our Scotties through my writings and how we shared them in pictures.  It really, really made clear how people can help immensely while you grieve even though there is so very little they can do.

I didn't write about it, because things on this blog have great meaning for me.  I didn't write about it here because I was simply too heart sick to attempt telling the tale.  I didn't write about it here because I was emotionally exhausted.  I didn't write about it here because I needed a break from all the sadness.  I didn't write about it here because I simply wanted to dwell is some joy with the sweet boy still with us.  I wanted to concentrate on Argyle who so patiently and stoically never interfered or insisted on having his way.  I didn't write about Rory & Fiona's death because I needed to concentrate on living with Argyle and Michael.  I didn't write because I couldn't.

An entire year later, I realize that my not writing about their death has left a bit of business undone. I've not given Rory and Fiona their moment of final glory by articulating how much they meant to me and how much their going has altered me and, hopefully, deepened my ability to care and be a Human Being.

A year later, I find mySelf wanting to record this and thank them for being such a marvelous part of my life.  I write to say how lucky we were to have brought Argyle into our home.  He helped us through our sadness by being with us and loving us quietly without demands.  He adapted quite easily to being an Only Child.  His uncomplicated and sunny personality truly helped me to return to life. He bonded to Michael and has chosen him as His Person.  He loves us both, but he totally loves sitting in Mike's chair in the evenings.  It's been sweet to watch him bloom after the shade of illness, sadness, and sorrow was ended.



The thing about life is that it does go on.  Life does move on, even though many of us mourners resent that it does.  While I don't hate that life progresses, I now realize that grief is not something to get past...it's a process that changes who one is- how one identifies themselves.  Grief is the fire that can deepen our Spirit and expand our ability to be compassionate.  Grief is the price we pay for having been given the grand gift of love.  And, I wouldn't avoid the grief at the expense of not loving.

So life has moved on here at Casa de Frock.  Michael and I talk about Fi and Rory quite a lot and it doesn't hurt us now when we do.  Argyle continues to be a handsome, loving, funny Scottie. He's our sweet Brindle Boy, (Except when the mailman or the UPS guys have the nerve to breach the Scottie Perimeter of Hostility, e.g. come to the front door.)

 And to prove that life rolls on, well almost a year later...

Here is the newest member of our Pack...please say hello to our baby Sweetie Wheatie!  This is Rabbie Burns MacCelti.  He is full of life, energy, and play.  Happily he and Argyle are bonding together nicely.  Argyle is the perfect mentor to teach him manners and how things work.



Not quite four months old and he has a chipmunk kill to his credit.  Somehow, I just know Rory was purring, "Auck, Laddie, ah am sae verra prrrrroud of ye!" While Fiona is saying, "Move over, time to eat!  I just love me some fresh Munk."

Namaste' Till Next Time,
Holly aka She Who is Mum to Argyle MacPiper & Rabbie Burns MacCelti

Silent Sermon Sunday

Fiona Louise Wigglebottom, I miss you so!

Namaste' Till Next Time,
Holly aka She Who Has Been Blessed To Have Dogs

Silent Sermon Sunday

May your Sabbath and week ahead be peaceful.

Namaste' Till Next Time,

Holly aka Fiona's Mum

Silent Sermon Sunday

May your Sabbath 

be restful

to ready you for the week to come.

Namaste' Till Next Time,
Holly & Scotties

And They Ask Me Why I Drink!

Ring.....Ring....Ring.... "Good morning, Lakeview Animal Hospital. How can I help you?"
"Do you know Who this is?"
"Ohhh...why certainly, Princess Fiona, how may I serve you?"
"Please ask him to come to the phone."
"Your Highness, I'm sorry he's with a client at the moment."
DEEP ROYAL SILENCE and then, "HUMPH!"
"Of course Princess, forgive me, I don't know what I was thinking, I'll get him right now!"
Scant seconds later...
"Princess Fiona, I am here, how can I serve?"
"Good Day Doctor Ro, We wish to let you know that We have, once again, done our part.  We believe you have a child who is in need of a college fund, is this correct?"
"It is indeed, Highness!"
"Well, we have taken care of that.  Be ready when we come in to see you yet again."
"Princess Fiona, how would my family or I ever live without your grand patronage.  We are so very grateful!"
"Of course you are.  That will be all."

That toy?  The one at the top?  It languished in the toy box for months.  No one bothered with it.  Last night, we watched as Fiona ferreted it out and began softly gnawing on it.

This morning, Michael says, "You know that ring Fi got out of the box last night?  Take a look at it now."
"Holy crow!  Where are the pieces," I ask.
He just looks at me, "What pieces?"
And, if anyone asks me why I drink?  This would be a good example...very good example.

Thanks a heap Fiona.  I can't believe I'm saying this, but I'm hoping that poop patrol this week will be a very pink and colorful event.  Because I sure don't need another vet bill.  You and Doctor Ro are spending way too much time together of late.

Namaste' TIll Next Time,
Holly aka Fiona's Handmaiden

Silent Sermon Sunday

Rory shows baby Argyle the garden wall...

 

Whenever possible, take time to help another find their way.

Take time to help another learn.

Take time to care through sharing.

 

 

Namaste' Till Next Time,

Holly

It's A Door, Not Effin' Rocket Science!

 My Lion, the other night, declares, "That's IT!  I am going to Lowe's tomorrow and buying a pet door and we're going to pay to have it installed.  I'm heating the entire outside leaving that door ajar so we don't have to act like the doorman at the Ritz so Argyle can go in and out and in and out!" 

"Fine by me," I think.  I get weary trying to keep up with Argyle.  He's one of those dogs who doesn't really wish to be out or in.  What he likes is the process of going out to in and in to out.  Over.  And over.  And over again.  What he really needs is a revolving door but we opted to the pet door instead, which was successfully added to the back door a few days ago.  It's not the most comely thing I've added to my decor, but if it keeps me from opening the door a million time a day, hey, I'll get over it.

Fiona and Rory watch me closely while I explain that this new door is the bomb and will make their life so much better.  "You can go out anytime you want to now and you can jet in when you'd like!  This is going to be great!"  As you can see by their faces, they're not really buying in to my enthusiasm.

 Even Argyle, who was the instigator of this purchase looks a little excuse the expression, hang dogged, when I take him to show him his new escape hatch.  WTF, what do you mean you're not sure about it?!

The directions that came with said wonderful invention explain that you need to use treats to lure your dog through it the first few times so it can catch on to how it operates.  Okay, I figure I'll use the one thing I know that will entice....liver treats!!  Rory, who is the most finicky eater ever, will never turn down a liver treat.  Hell, he'd stab Fiona to get to one of these things.

I don't wish to tell you how many of these things were ingested those first hours of training.  Let's just say that I'm afraid my fingers may well smell like this forever....eww....

 And, still, this is how the door looks most of the time.  Not because the dogs don't want to go out, oh no, they'll sit there and whine for me to come and do my Humanly duties.  I was saying on FB, "Come on, Rory, just use the effin' door!!!"  To which a friend of mine retorted, "Rory is most likely saying the same to you!"  Thanks a heap.  Okay, I admit that was funny.  Rory, it's a door...just go through it; it's not rocket science, there's no secret code, just push it with your nose and go!

At any rate, as the time ticked on, Argyle the youngest and most energetic, figures out that he can go outside and bark his butt off anytime he feels like it.  So he's taking to it; every morning, though, he sits at the door and looks at me waiting for it to be opened.  I go over and push the flap and it's like he recalls "Oh yeah, that's right, I can do it this way now," as he pushes it and jets out.  He's learned the secret-  NO HESITATION!  Don't stop half-way, just go;  done that way, and the flap doesn't press down on your head.

Fiona, the Princess, is not as amused by it all.  However, if Argyle is out barking, Bossy Bess simply must go to supervise so she'll push and not very gracefully stumble out barking the entire time.

Rory? You have got to be kidding.  No way he wants anything to do with it.  Rory is 'head-shy' and he ducks if you put your hand over his head.  He's been this way since he was a pup; he hates anything to press down on his head.  The flap made of heavy, flexible plastic, is meant to bend easily as the dog pushes on it.  That means it will touch his head!!!  He looks at me as if to say, "Tis a bleedin' death trrrrap!  If tis all the same tu ye, ah wheel juz let me kidneys burrrst.  Ah wheelna use the fashing thing!" 

If you look up the word, 'stubborn', there's most likely a picture of a Scottish Terrier next to it to illustrate the definition.

Rory, you're going to become the poster child for the axiom, "You can't teach an old dog new tricks,"!!!  This leads me to consider, "Am I like that?"  When something new comes along, a way that could make my life easier and more in my control, do I dismiss it out of hand because it's not the way I've always done things?

I hope not, but I'd have to be honest and say that I know I do it more than is good for me.  Just because it's the way I've always done it, doesn't mean it's the way I should do it going forward.  I think that is true for anything, including relationships.  When new and credible information comes to you, allowing you to reconsider your circumstances, at the very least, give it a good consideration.  Maybe you'll decide that you're too old a dog to change, but at least you'll make a conscious decision. 

Do not say a word.  Not one single word!!  Sometimes a parent or owner or senior Human Being has to do what it takes to help another move past their trepidation.  I'm not a saint.  I simply am not going to waste the money invested and I'm giving up my doorman's great coat.  That dog is going to learn to use this door or this old dog, (by that I mean me,) is going to die trying.  Lead by example, I say!

And, sometimes, being brave enough to set an example of the willingness to try new things is all that is needed.  Good boy, Rory, I KNEW you could do it!


Namaste' Till Next Time,
Holly  aka Mum

Silent Sermon Sunday

All shall be well.

And, all shall be well.

And, all manner of things shall be well.

~ Julian of Norwich

Namaste' Till Next Time,

Holly aka Fiona's Hopeful Mommer

Silent Sermon Sunday

May the view of your world from your garden gate be as kind.

Namaste' Till Next Time,

Holly aka Rory's Mommer

They Grow Up So Fast

Fiona, Rory & Argyle

My kids, like yours, grow up when you're not looking.  They simply refuse to stay babies or puppies.  And, neither did we.  Each inch they gain, gives us a chance, as mothers, as women, to reinvent ourselves.  Consider how to be in the best relationship with them.  Consider how to best mentor and guide.  Consider how much they teach us.  Consider how to best love them into their full potential.  Just as someone who loved us did for us.

This Mother's Day, I hope you feel honored for all you have invested of yourself.  For all you have done and do each day.  This Mother's Day, I hope you can feel the strength of being a part of the long line of those women, and in cases like mine, the men, who have dedicated part of their lives and hearts to see the blossoming of a young soul.

Smile and be glad; you so deserve it.  Happy Mother's Day.

Namaste' Till Next Time,
Holly aka Mommer

Leap Day Magic

It's a day that only comes around every four years...so that makes it different for sure, but this one was very special. Because today is the day that a puppy magically turned into a young dog.

Argyle got his first big boy hair cut! And, he did very well considering all the new sounds and buzzing and snipping, and cutting, and oh my toe nails what are you doing?!

We knew we had a brindle puppy, but even we couldn't have guessed how much brindle goodness was laying in wait under all that puppy fuzz!

So, here he is, my four month old Big Boy who got his first hair cut on a day that only comes every four years! I think I'm going to love him four ever!

Namaste' Till Next Time,
Holly aka Argyle's Mum

Silent Sermon Sunday

May you rest and renew today.

Namaste' Till Next Time,

Holly

I Swear I Didn't Peek!

I already know what I'm getting for Christmas, but I swear I didn't peek and go searching for the box.

I already know because my Christmas gift is also my 5th anniversary gift. It is too big to be just for one special occassion. And, I had to agree that I wanted the present before Michael finalized his surprise.

Because, well, after all, I will have to work hard to keep it in good working order. And, well, My Lion just wanted to make certain I would be totally delighted. And, it's one of the most surprising and wonderful gifts I've gotten since, well, since he surprised me with my diamond engagement ring on New Years Day six years ago!

Want to see it? Okay...



I am pleased to introduce Argyle MacPiper, my new brindle Scottie! He is one of the Rocky Creek Scotties and Holly's brother. I am so thrilled and I can't wait until we pick him up later this month. I'm not sure how Rory and Fiona will like this notion, but I know it will all work out.

Don't be surprised if Fiona renames him, Stuffie...

Namaste' Till Next Time,
Holly

Look! Up In The Sky.... It's A....

I'm laying in bed this morning, still involved with my post-Thanksgiving, turkey induced comma....minding my own business and luxuriating in the warmth and softness of the flannel sheets. Having a love affair with Morpheus.

The bedroom door creeks open a wee crack and then next there is a Scottie presence anxiously standing next to the bed. And, it goes like this:

Rory: Mum! Mum! Ye mun wake now!
Holly: Boydog, no, go away. Mum is resting...
Rory: MUM! Ye mun get up ast ah need ye strrraight away!
Holly: Go play with Fiona, I'm meditating...
Rory: MUM!!!! ARRRROOOOOO!
Holly: Oh for heaven's sake, Rory, what is it?!
Rory: Gae and get yer picsturrre taker now! Ah need ye tu capture the mirrracle that Sirius has sent tuday!
Holly: What the heck are you talking about? What miracle??
Rory: (As he noses the curtains at the bedroom window aside,) Luk at the sky!!! See it?!
Holly: Oh my goodness! Yes, I see it...
Rory: Quick like Mum aforrre it gaes away....

I jump out of bed,run for the camera, and come back to the window as Rory is anxiously hopping about. And, this is what had him so excited. Can you see it too?


Click on the picture to make it bigger if you can't see that, in the sky hangs a Cross of St. Andrew! Yes, that is Scotland's flag done in nature's colors.

St. Andrew's day in November 30th, so this is a wee early, but Rory and Fiona are thrilled that Sirius sent them a living sign of their homeland heritage. Now that is a site to earn an ARRROOOOO! We stood there wondering about it and then Rory whispered, "Ack, tis grrrrand, aye?" Me, "Yes Boydog, it is indeed."

Namaste' Till Next Time,
Holly aka MUM

Fairy Dogmother

Is this not the cutest wee Scottie you've seen in awhile? She's so new her eyes aren't even opened yet.

She is one of five healthy Scots delivered recently over at Rocky Creek Scotties. She was the first to be born.

And, in honor of me, she's been named Holly...

How cool is that? I'm not certain that her family will keep the name or not. But I will always know she was named after me.

Even if I can't talk My Lion into a third Scottie in the family, knowing she is there and making someone delightfully happy is still pretty good.

Oh, Holly, you are so adorable! Thanks Lynn for the huge honor!

Silent Sermon Sunday

Even in the worst of storms, you are never alone.

Namaste' Till Next Time,
Holly aka She Who Is Thinking of Hurricane Irene

When Blogs Collide!

"The puppies will be ready for visitors sometime around June 4," Lynn explained. "Gary and I would be happy to have you and Michael bring Rory and Fiona to see them. Would that work for you?"

The chance to see eight wheaten Scotties? To hold them and smell puppy breath and cuddle? You bet. Well, even if it is a good six+ hours of a drive, how many times do you get that chance?! Michael said, "I'll re-arrange my schedule; no way I'm letting you go without me. I need to make sure you come home with only the two dogs you went with!" "They're already going to their homes and are not for sale," I shot back. "That's good, so I'm just along for the fun then!"

Lynn and I met here in the blog world. She is the mad hand behind Rocky Creek Scottie Adventures. And, she and I chat on Facebook as well. I've found her to be loving and generous like many dog breeders. She's got a huge crush on Rory because he's so cute and lovable and she has a mad passion for wheaten Scotties. It seemed a fun chance to visit their farm in the beautiful Blue Ridge Mountains.

I've often wondered what it would be like to live some place so remotely set, that you always know a car in the driveway is someone who is specifically coming to see you. Always someone you're expecting or who knows the way to your home. A driveway whose crunch of stone means someone you're likely to be happy to see is on their way. That's what Lynn and Gary have there at Rocky Creek.

We spent the evening sitting out on the lawn and getting to know each other in real time instead of blog time. We dined alfresco and Lynn shared the secret to her great salad! We laughed as we watched Rory play with a young cow almost the same color as he, dancing back and forth along the fence. We did get weary of Fiona barking her bossy bark but she wouldn't yield and the cows wouldn't listen to her, so it was pretty much an impasse.

I met her beloved Scotties. Piper and Rory eventually accepted each other enough to sit butt to butt and watch the night fall. We all looked up to witness the gift of a sky heavy with stars because there is no light pollution to blot out their twinkle. I made a wish as a falling star streaked through the velvet above me.

We spent the night tucked under the eaves of a home that is ancient and whispers its secrets if you listen carefully. It was a Walton's moment when the lights downstairs where turned off and the house went completely black...and the night became brighter outside the windows than what was in the room with you. Crickets chirped a lullaby.

The quilts that Lynn and her female kin have made keeping us warm through the wonderfully cool night. Dogs curled at our feet not moving, completely exhausted from a fun night of introduction to cows, other Scotties, and country air.

Morning came and the soft lowing of cows drifted through the windows. The sounds of puppies mewling for attention crept up the stairs to wake us. Big Scots barking from their bedroom as they heard the two visiting Scots coming down the stairs added to the morning serenade.

A wonderful breakfast of muffins and melon. Long chats over coffee and then it was back in the car to make the trip home. A short visit so worth the long drive. Because when blogs collide, the world is made more loving and fun. When blogs collide you learn so much and can't help but be amazed how interesting and fascinating the lives of others are and how lucky we are to learn of them.

When blogs collide, a woman you didn't really know becomes a friend and Rory gets another fan and both he and Fiona now have an Auntie Lynn. A woman who wanted to hug him even though he was a mess from running in the farm grass wet with dew. We now know the good woman and good man who live at Rocky Creek Farm always welcome you.

Yeah, when blogs collide it can be just like that.

Namaste' Till Next Time,
Holly