It's Only O.K...

...if you're talking about the gunfight at the O.K. Corral. Otherwise, it's not okay.

Ah, the power of three. Yesterday I had three brushes with this topic so I'm sharing them with you today. It's about the wonderful qualities of our mother tongue...that's English for those who are wondering.

ENGLISH! Learn it. Words, all words, have power. Use them wisely. Use them well. Find a grammar and style book that you like and refer to it. My favorite is Strunk & White's, The Element of Style. It's short, easy to read, easy to use.

For those of us who are wordsmiths, yes, the debate is constantly afoot about the idea that languages are living and must be allowed to change and modify. However, there's a fine line between change and deterioration. We're allowing it to erode through laziness and the need for speed. Technology is taking its toll. Unacceptable says The Queen. Class is now in session.

There is a great article in yesterday's Tribune Review written by Rege Behe entitled Shortcuts cost language a lot of its style. Give it a read. Behe says that it's not alright (no such word,) what we're doing to language these days. And, it's absolutely all right that he feels that way. He agrees with me; we've become worse for the obsession to be expedient. Case in point:

Melissa was telling us that she got this text yesterday: "HBTY. HBTY. HBDM. HBTY." Disturbing. It was her mother 'singing' Happy Birthday. Sigh. I'm not sure what's more weird. The fact that she text messages at all...the fact that the birthday wish came in code...the fact that it would have been so much better if mom had called and said or sang it. I'm going with all three.

Come on. Are you really so busy that it would kill you to type, see you, instead of CU?

Here is a list of some of The Queen's pet peeves:

Spell check, DOESN'T! You can't rely on it because it can't discern your intent. Regardless, (Notice I did not use irregardless, WHICH IS NOT A WORD! Although it is in the dictionary now because so many knot heads use it...but then again, ain't is in the dictionary too; need I say more?), use it anyway as the first pass on your work. At the very least, it will highlight things for your attention and consideration. Cripes. It's right there! Don't be so lax. Click it and see what it turns up. Even for your e-mails. It's too easy not to use it. Unless you're terminally lazy.

There, their, and they're: Learn the difference. There is no reason that their luggage is lost so they're truly pissed. Got it now?

Its, It's, Its': Its- belonging to it. It's- the contraction of it is. Its'- a failing grade when I was teaching and read it in a paper. Why? Because it's not a flippin' word! Stop doing that!

I.E. vs E.G. : We all know that I.E. is used to site an example. But, did you know that it's most correctly used only when speaking? It's Latin, id est= that is. As in, 'that is to say.' The say is your tip-off. However, when you are writing and wish to give an example, it's most correct to use, E.G. Latin exempli gratia=for example. Perhaps it's not earth shattering to use them interchangeably, but like every tool, using it correctly gives optimum performance.

I vs Me: This confuses many of us. Understandably. Which is correct? Easy enough to figure and train yourself. When you're not sure about using I or me, split them apart. Do you want Joe & I to take you? Split it: Do you want Joe to take you/Do you want I to take you? See, it's immediately apparent that you should use, me.

Let's do it a different way: Me & Joe will take you. Joe will take you./Me will take you; not unless you're two years old. Otherwise, it is- I will take you. You would be correct to say, I & Joe will take you, but it's stilted speech, so to be absolutely correct, you'd change to: Joe & I will take you.

Give yourself the gift of the deciding split and the entire me & I nightmare goes away.

Stop ending your questions with 'at.' Stop talking just before your mouth says it. "Where are you at?" NO! "Where are you?" Stop in time and save our ears.

Here's another: "What did you want it for?" When you hear yourself ending questions with prepositions, it's because you're not asking the correct question. Learn to ask better questions. The real question here is not what, it's why: "Why did you want it?" See? Easy.

It's, "i before e except after c, or as sounding like a, as in neighbor and weigh. Most of us know the first part of this handy device, but many didn't get the last bit. So, I share it with you today!

Melissa says that, often, when she's reading this blog, she feels as if I, "Sneezed commas." I had to laugh! It's a great description. There were five of us around the table when she made her observation. Three of the five, including me, went to Catholic school and were taught by Grammar Nazis, e.g. The Sisters. I am exceedingly grateful to the nuns for having the fortitude to teach us the rules of usage and correct form. It is what distinguishes many of us. The three Catholic kids stood firm on the whole comma debate. We get twitchy if we don't use commas to separate any, and all, independent clauses. Commas were sacrosanct and it's difficult to cut them without great trepidation...

I admit, even for me, punctuation is really, really tricky and deserving of its own blog. So, I'm not going there today. Except to say, give yourself an exclamation point moratorium- no more than a carefully considered few to a communication. Because, if everything is emphatic, then nothing is emphatic.

I also know that writing styles change. Rule of thumb- si fueris Romae, Romano vivito more; si fueris alibi, vivito sicut ibi: When in Rome, do as the Romans do. In other words, learn the style manual that is currently acceptable at your place of business or school and adhere to it. The AP Style Manual has done away with many of the sneezed commas that used to be de rigueur. While I'm learning to reduce their numbers, I'll never view them as extraneous.

One that I insist on though, is the serial comma. I absolutely abide by it. The flag is not red, white and blue. There is no color named, 'white and blue.' Doesn't exist. Being most specific, the flag is red, white, and blue. We can argue this one over drinks some night.

As this relates to the various modes of communication now at our disposal, we've become shiftless instead of more efficient. We've become less personal in our personal communication. We're systematically removing human interaction. Stop it! Use tools in descending order. Stop sinking to the lowest, most distancing, mode of communicating as your first choice. Whenever possible:
- speak face to face. Yes, it can take additional effort but do it!

- If you can't, then call.
- If that's not possible, email.
- If that's not possible or you are mobile, text.
- If you want your communication to be lasting, write it.

The caveat to this rule: In order to be most effective in your communication, learn the recipient's preferred form of communicating and use it as much as possible. For example, I really don't like the phone; I prefer email and check it with alarming frequency. If you want to get something back from me as soon as possible, always go for email first. However, if you prefer the phone, I'll give you what you need your way.

Finally: Remember, all rules were made to be broken. But, you need to know there are rules and consciously decide to run counter to them. This is most obvious in creative writing. Acceptable. But you must know the rules.

My friend Frank sent this yesterday, and although I can't determine who the author may be, it's well worth sharing so enjoy:

This is English

We'll begin with a box, and the plural is boxes,
But the plural of ox becomes oxen, not oxes.
One fowl is a goose, but two are called geese,
Yet the plural of moose should never be meese.
You may find a lone mouse or a nest full of mice,
Yet the plural of house is houses, not hice.

If the plural of man is always called men,
Then shouldn't the plural of pan be called pen?
If I speak of my foot and show you my feet,
And I give you a boot, would a pair be called beet?
If one is a tooth and a whole set are teeth,
Why shouldn't the plural of booth be called beeth?

Then one may be that, and three would be those,
Yet hat in the plural would never be hose,
And the plural of cat is cats, not cose.
We speak of a brother and also of brethren,
But though we say mother, we never say methren.
Then the masculine pronouns are he, his and him,
But imagine the feminine: she, shis and shim!

Let's face it - English is a crazy language.
There is no egg in eggplant nor ham in hamburger;
neither apple nor pine in pineapple.
English muffins weren't invented in England.
We take English for granted, but if we explore its paradoxes,
we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square,
and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.

And why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing,
grocers don't groce and hammers don't ham?
Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend?
If you have a bunch of odds and ends
and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it?

If in the past, teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught?
If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?
Sometimes I think all the folks who grew up speaking English
should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane.

In what other language do people recite at a play and play at a recital?
We ship by truck but send cargo by ship.
We have noses that run and feet that smell.
We park in a driveway and drive in a parkway.
And how can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same,
while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites?

You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language
in which your house can burn up as it burns down,
in which you fill in a form by filling it out,
and in which an alarm goes off by going on.

And, in closing, IF PEOPLE FROM POLAND ARE CALLED POLES
THEN SHOULDN'T WE CALL PEOPLE FROM HOLLAND, HOLES,
OR THE GERMANS, GERMS?

Namaste' Till Next Time,
Holly