Let It Get Cold

When I was teaching Public Relations Writing at Towson Univesity, I told my students to let their writing sit for at least 24 hours before editing. Our brains cannot simultaneously create and correct. So, time is needed for our brains to actually 'see' what's on the page and then the necessary edits and corrections are so much easier to spot. Why? Because the brain resets and sees it as it is, not the way you thought you wrote it. I call this: Allowing Your Writing To Get Cold.

Lately, I've been reading a lot of comments on social media platforms and articles about behaviors in the cyber connection world in which we now live.  And, one of the common threads seems to be the lack of civility and bad behavior we witness or receive.

The real conundrum is the total lack of common sense exhibited by people who simply broadcast everything they do.  Every thought they have.  Every sarcastic or cutting remark goes up for ingestion by the rest of the world.  It's so terribly wrong on so many levels. The absolute lack of understanding that a civilized person does not put their personal stuff out on the sidewalk so people can pick through it, is alarming.

As of the recent election, the amount of stories about bad, horrible behavior and treatment of others on social media has really up-ticked.  While most of us simply thought it would die down post election, which is true to a point, it seems that many people have turned into...

...Internet Trolls.

The Urban dictionary defines a Troll as: “Being a prick on the internet because you can. Typically unleashing one or more cynical or sarcastic remarks on an innocent by-stander, because it's the internet and, hey, you can.”

You might wonder why the name, Troll, which I find pretty accurate and funny.  If you think about the trolls that we all heard about in fairy tales, they seem to live in dark and unsavory places.  They lay in wait under bridges for unsuspecting travelers. Trolls just love frightening before they snatch you up and eat you alive.

If you've ever experienced troll behavior on your social media pages, you know it immediately even if you didn't know what it's called.  You can't help but pull back thinking, "What the hell?  Where did that come from and why did she/he even write that?!?!?!"

The cautionary tale for all of us is: BEWARE!  High stress situations can bring out the hidden troll in all of us.  It's especially upsetting when you are on the receiving end of troll-like behavior from someone you thought was a 'friend' on social media.  You wonder, "What the hell did I write that would cause him/her to be so crappy?"  And, the answer is generally because...

...Social Media has an immediacy that strips away good judgement and polite behavior, especially during emotionally charged times or topics. And, because you're not in the same space with an actual Human Being, looking them in the eyes as it were, we lose our normal filters.  If you had to look at the person with whom you are talking so shitty, well, you probably would hold back.

We are in the brave new world together.  And it's only going to get faster and worse before, or if, it can get better.  As technology shifts, as the world goes faster in a breathless pace of thought to  broadcasting, we must begin learning new ways of being. We must possess new ways of interacting-- new sets of manners and polite behavior.

Because if we don't, all of us will become infected.  All of us will become more Troll than Human Being.

I don't have the answers to what it's going to take to stem the epidemic, but I can start with this one from my teaching days:

When it comes to any topic on social media, especially those that are contentious or highly charged emotionally, before you hit SEND, let your writing get cold.  It's the knee jerk reaction to things that is getting us into Troll territory.  It's not allowing our polite filter to command our response.

When we're speaking and, in a moment of poor judgement, say something that turns out pretty horrible or passive-aggressive, with enough time, the impact will lessen.  Thankfully, we have short memories on so many levels.  But, if you write that same horrible thought, IT LASTS FOREVER! Unless it's deleted, it will be read over and over.

The best I can suggest at this point is, after you let it get cold...even for five minutes and think about how it might sound, you can stop yourself from turning into a troll.

The ultimate test is to ask yourself, "Is it really contributing anything to say it that way? Does it add value or simply cause further strife?"  If the answer to either of those questions is NO, and you would never want someone to comment that way to you, hit DELETE and be a better person for your commitment to be kind instead of an ass-hat Internet Troll.

Namaste' Till Next Time,
Holly aka She Who Never Wants To Be A Troll

Liar, Liar Pants On Fire!

Social media, love it or hate it, has completely changed how we deal with each other and how we take in information.  It's still a steep learning curve for most of us.  One area where we all could do better is not spreading falsehoods simply by accepting a post as fact and hitting, "Repost, ReTweet, Rerun." Our childhood taunt of, "Liar, liar pants on fire," should guide what we post!  I wonder, instead of our noses growing when we told a lie, if our fingers caught fire, would we be more careful about what we type?

When I was teaching at Towson University, I had a few class rules.  One of my most stringent was that the Internet could not be the sole or first source of information for papers and presentations.  Was it easier for students to simply sit in front of a computer and type key words into a search block?  Yes. Was it the best source for information?  Not back then and certainly not even now. My students couldn't always grasp that just because it was on the internet, didn't mean the info was verified or correct. Anyone with a keyboard and/or an agenda can add noise without substance to the Internet. As President Reagan said so well, "Trust but verify!" Multiple sources are usually needed.

Maybe this isn't important to everyone, but remember, I was teaching students whose aspirations were to be professional communicators.  And, I believe those professionals need to hold themselves to the highest standard of fact gathering and checking.



In terms of posting to social media, people don't seem to understand the importance of  being factual, true, or accurate.  Is the post real?  Is the story correct?  They simply re-post things without checking first.  I wish I had a dollar for every time I've seen a post with comments,"You need to check this, it's not true." Or, "This is an urban legend!"

Even more amazing is that, even after it's proved wrong, some simply leave it up! A testament to the notion that fiction travels at least three times faster than the truth! If you learn it's incorrect, take it down off your wall!

In the current political climate and the horribly divisive world we now occupy, I believe it's more critical than ever to know that what we post is real.  At least the facts should be real because how we feel about the facts is enough of a powder keg these days to set off fights and bad feelings way more than is necessary.

It's interesting that people easily find info via the internet or on social media and don't stop to think that it's just as easy to check facts before posting.  There are dozens of sites, the sole purpose of which, are to give you the facts.

I like Snopes.  And even though it has come under fire as being liberal leaning, I don't worry about that.  I use them to get baseline confirmation of authenticity.

FactCheck is the other site that I rely upon, especially for political stories.

It's ironic that people can't tolerate having anyone lie to their face, but they don't seem to understand that a lie in print is just as damaging or frustrating as a verbal lie.  Maybe even more so because verbals fade, but once something's in print- it's always there.

The Managing Editor of Snopes, Brooke Brankowski, has the right take on this issue, "If it arouses an emotional response in you- if you see the headline and go, 'I can't believe this, I'm so angry,'- then it's probably something you need to check against something else."

If reading something causes an immediate strong reaction, it's always best to check it.  Your gut is, generally, a great lie detector!  Trust it!

Posting things that you don't know to be correct is the social media version of gossip!  If you can't abide gossip in real time, don't let your social media posts be gossip!

While most people make it their goal to never speak an untruth, we all need to start holding ourselves to the same standard in terms of what we post.

You can trust me.  I always check my facts before posting them for your consumption.  I promise not to lie to you with my mouth or my posts.  I hope you'll all join me in this important challenge.

Namaste' Till Next Time,
Holly aka She Who Tells The Truth

FaceBook Killed My Blog, Then Politics Killed My FaceBook

It would seem that the immediate gratification of communicating with each other via social media platforms has really taken a bite out of blogging.  I guess the chance to reach more people is just too enticing.  But, when I think about the fact that I started Your Mother Knows as more or less a diary or repository for my thoughts, I'm not sure why I've drifted from it.

That's not correct- I drifted from it primarily because I have to invest more energy in my writing here versus the hit and run communication that I do on social media.  Hell, Twitter has been the best editor I've ever worked with because only having 146 characters at my disposal means get to the point.



So, I am back again because I absolutely, at this time, EFFIN' hate facebook.  Or more to the point, I hate the way people are being pre- and post election on facebook.  The amount of hysteria, hate, inflammation, craziness, panic, angst, fear is way beyond even what I experienced with Bush Derangement Syndrome. I'd even venture that if you asked any liberal if they'd take the current President Trump or have back President Bush, they would scream, "Bring George Back To The Oval Immediately!!!" That should give anyone perspective on the current level of crazy and backlash against the new 45th President of these UnUnited States.



As a PR person, I'm fully versed in how it feels to stand in front of a group and make a statement only to be blasted in response.  The ability to stand there, not react, and continue to try and discuss takes years to master.  It is very hard not to take it personally.  I'm proud to say for the most part of my career, I succeeded.  Not that I didn't go back to my office muttering, "ASSHATS!!!!," while slamming my office door.  Hell, I am only Human!

Yesterday I signed off of FB wishing everyone well.  I have had enough!  I am over seeing posts suggesting the end of the world and civilized society.  I'm done with reading things that would make one believe that I'm somehow a hideous Human because I voted for Trump. Or that I am somehow morally inferior to my friends on the left. I am finished with reading, "HAPPY NOW?!," every time someone at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue so much as picks up a pencil.

Here's what I can say to all my fellow facebook posters:

I can be somewhat concerned over some of the news coming from The White House without wishing they would start Impeachment Hearings for the new president.

I can be Pro-Choice and Anti-Abortion because of over-broad abortion policies. I can be Pro-Choice and strongly believe tax dollars should not be used to support clinics that provide these procedures.

I can be Pro-Access without having my taxes pay for your birth control. If you use it, pay for it yourself. I paid for mine.

I can be Pro-Birth and not Anti-Woman.

I can be Pro-Life and see the reasonable desire of some to be peacefully freed from the pain of their failed bodies.

I can be a champion of immigration and still believe it should be done within the legal limits the laws of this country have drawn. I can believe that if you are here illegally and have found yourself facing our legal system, you should be permanently deported.

I can be a conservative in regard to spending and rather socially liberal.

I can be a supporter of the Gay and Lesbian community without being a Democrat!

I can wonder about the complexities of Trans-Gender without judging the individual.

I can be white without being racist.  I can vote for a Republican candidate and support Human Rights.

I can multi-task and hold various opinions and like every other Human Being on this earth, I can be more than one-dimensional on any issue you might wish to discuss and debate.

What I am not willing to do is have every single thought or comment I post on my wall used as fodder for people who simply want to pick a fight.

What I am not willing to do is be judged by Liberals or Conservatives.

I am not willing to fill my day with people who want to live with the drama instead of looking at the facts. Or, shout at me if I attempt to respectfully post the facts.

I am not willing to fill my wall with people who do not want to listen to any opinion that varies from their own.

Or, with people who lecture me on my choices.

I am not willing to deal with people who think access to my page on social media means you can say whatever you want to me! I did not Friend you on facebook to fight!

STOP!  Just stop!!!!  I used to be paid to let people blast me for my comments, but I'm not getting paid any longer to listen to your shit!!!!  I call DONE!

I'm to the point of absolutely wanting to slap people, which is about me, not really them.  People are going to be who they are.  And as infuriating as it is to me right now, they have the right to do and say what they wish. If I don't like it, I have to go.  Exercise my options... vote with my feet.  So, here I am back to my blog once more. Why?  Because I'm a communicator and I have a deep desire to reach out and connect with others. Because I am a writer and the need to hone my craft is a niggling itch that never goes away. Because I am a Human Being and need someplace safe to process my thoughts.

Right now, we have a brand new President in the Oval Office.  Personally, do I like the man?  I DO NOT KNOW because I don't know him, personally.  News flash, neither do you!  Do I think I might not want to have him as a personal acquaintance?  Leaning very much toward, yes.  But, then again, if I knew the man personally, I might change my mind.



Because I voted for him, does it mean that I think him the perfect candidate?  NO.  However, as unorthodox as is his personal style of communicating, he didn't keep me up nights worried as much as the idea of Mrs. Clinton sitting in the Oval.  So, I voted my conscience from strictly a political point of view.

My pulling that lever on election day did not automatically turn me into a hater of Immigrants, LGBT, Muslims, Women, The Environment, Climate Change Theory, Little Children, Education, Social Programs, Those In Need, The Poor, and whatever else you might want to throw into the Shit Stew that is currently life in America.  I am the same person.  The very same person.  If you genuinely were my friend before I voted, you should respect me and understand that we don't have to agree on every single thing.

I am adult enough to understand that I do not have to like a person personally in order to understand they might be the best person for the job.  I may hate their personal style, but their resume of success is enough to prove why they are sitting in the seat.  And, even more, I trust in the Will of The American People and our process of government!

But, our world is not the same place.  Instead we now live in a world where the only thing of value is a person's feelings and their right to hurl them at others!  Their feelings are the only thing of paramount importance.  Their feelings; not yours.  We no longer understand the value of taking a measured stand on issues.  We no longer teach the importance of putting what's best for the majority ahead of what we might want as an individual.  We no longer view the world via a Servant's Heart. We do not know what it means to be a good citizen, instead we just want to be emoting bags of FEELINGS!

We have turned social media into a tool for acting out. We don't use it as a platform to learn from each other or where we share common ground.

I cannot abide the hysteria.  Can't abide the complete and total denigration of a man who has been on the job for about two weeks.  Most of us starting a new job are lucky to remember where the bathrooms are within the first two weeks, but can we give the guy whose office is in a complex as complicated as The White House a chance?!  Oh, HELL NO!  We can't be reasonable.  We can't take a wait and see position.  We can't act like Human Beings instead of a mob out to kill The Monster.

And, the war continues with this next chapter of the presidency with the Democrats and Republicans in Washington just as bad if not worse.  The Democrats are going to fight like fiends against any and everything because that's what their base demands.

We certainly can't be civil in our discourse.  We can't discuss with each other.  We cannot listen to each other.  We don't want to think, analyze, garner facts... we just want to react.

We want the toxic feeling of drama coursing through our hearts and minds- living as if our hair's on fire!

But, I don't.  I don't want it even for a few minutes much less Every. Single. Minute. Of. The. Day. as it is currently in Social Media.

I've lost friends, (by that I mean FB friends, which aren't really real.  It's not like the ones who unfriended me ever spent one real-time minute sitting and looking at me while we talk,) because of a man I don't know personally.  I've been unfriended over my civic duty of casting my vote. I've lost friends who got so mad reading comments made by others on my posts, that they decided I am not worthy of their time and energy. Sadly, I have had one or two people who have known me awhile in real time simply turn on me, too. Was it because I baited them or belittled them? Nope; it was because I had the audacity to give them my differing opinion on the posts on their walls.

Concurrently, I had several people message me off facebook basically asking why I tolerate people talking to me as they do.  And that's been my conflict; feeling personally savaged while still attempting to stay true to my core belief that dialogue is the only thing that can save us.  That being open is the only possible answer to our annihilation. But, when a young friend of mine, a guy whose take on the world is pretty solid and grounded, texted me to say that he found me way more tolerant and civil than he could ever be, it started my wheels turning...

Am I allowing mySelf to be abused by others simply because I believe so strongly in the importance of letting people express themselves?  The answer came back, "Sadly, yes."  Eventually I picked being kind to mySelf over the need for others to be crazy on something as inconsequential as a social media platform.

So be it. I'm done with it for now.  Eventually, I may go to see what people are posting about their dogs or their kids. I may want to see what new recipe someone has found and really likes.  But not until I can control mySelf and not want to bitch slap people who have been fucky with me simply because they can get away with it.

For believe me, I don't care how passionately you feel about things, I guarantee that you do not have the courage to be in the same space with me and talk like that.  You wouldn't have the nerve because you'd be looking into my eyes and you could not deny that I am a Human Being standing there being excoriated by you...

...over matters that neither YOU nor I have the power to control.  Over matters which, on the day to day, do not change how you live from the time you wake till you crawl back in bed at night.

...over people whom we will never know personally.  Instead, on a stupid social media platform, you'll lecture me from your moral high ground of superiority about how I should be tolerant of all social issues and people while you are completely intolerant of me or others having any opinion that varies from your own.

Hypocrite.  Let me give you a few minutes to yank that blank from your eye before you start searching for the splinter in mine. I want you to see clearly when you see me. As sad as it might be, I can live without you being kind, for which I've given up all hope. But, I cannot and will not abide people who refuse to be civil when I can simply stop your access to my space.

Namaste' Till Next Time,
Holly aka She Who Is Done With facebook, For Now

I Don't Know What Possessed Me At Walmart

Yesterday, I was standing in an aisle in Walmart.  Staring at the shelves for something I just knew should be there, but wasn't.  You know that stare...the one where you're looking in your refrigerator, just hoping if you look long enough, something you want to eat will magically appear.  Empty vacant stare  Not seeing what you want.  Wait, is that it?  Yeah?  No, false alarm.  THAT stare.

At any rate, while I was intently looking, to the corner of my awareness came people pushing a cart. My staring contest was slightly interrupted by a youngish male voice saying, "Well that's just stupid, Mom."  To which said mom replied quietly, "Please don't speak to me like that."  I continued staring for my desired item.

The very next statement the kid made was, "Well it is Mom, sometimes you sound dumb as shit!"

And I truly don't know what possessed me, but before I knew it, I could feel my eyes blazing, and I whipped around and to the kid I said, "Excuse me, young man, I do not know you but I will tell you this: don't you ever speak like that again.  This woman is your MOTHER and she deserves your respect.  She most certainly does not deserve to be spoken to like that EVER!  Especially not from you and especially not in public where others can hear your ignorance and wonder about how stupid you sound!!!"  There was a split second of shocked silence...I think all three of us were shocked.

The kid mumbled, "Well, she just sounds dumb sometimes!"  I felt the possession growing as I replied,"You don't get to say that to me or anyone else.  She is your MOTHER!"  He looked down and turned red.

Here's the funny thing.  While I was having the exchange with that kid, the woman standing beside me started to alter her being.  I could feel her energy change.  She was round shouldered and small when this got started, but I swear to you I could feel her shoulders pull back and her head come up and she felt secure...quiet...but secure.  It was so odd to feel that shift.

The kid mumbled petulantly, "I think I'm going to go wait in the car."  And both of us together said, "Good idea!"

I turned to walk away but before I left, I said to Mom, "Please forgive me for getting involved in your private business.  It's just that I know he was raised better than that, and you certainly deserve better than that from him."  She looked at me and said, "Oh don't worry about it, you're right, he was raised better than that."  She never acknowledged the most important part which is that she deserves better.  That's a real shame.

Here's what makes me wonder now in this age when we can no longer truly parent, discipline, correct, admonish, direct, or punish our kids for fear of social or legal retribution:  How do we deal with them when they become so emboldened that they have no idea of the limits?  How do we deal with them when we have entitled them to hold us emotionally and mentally hostage?  Like the boy yesterday in public, speaking like that because he probably knows his mother's not going to take the risk of  lowering the boom and being thought of as a bad parent? How is that in any way fair?!  Just?  How is it in any way good for a young person to have the world cow-tow to them and never get the crap smacked out them for being rude, mean, tyrannical? Why do we no longer believe in taking the immediate, sometimes harsh, measures necessary to gain an attitude adjustment?!  Why is their personal self-esteem more important than their manners and civility?

We become increasingly alarmed at the lack of civil connection young people seem to exhibit.  We bemoan how they all act as if it's all about them with never a thought about those around them.  We scream about the increase in bullying.  The increase in petty meanness.  Yet we don't seem to make the connection between the increase in terrible behavior with the way we have abandoned some basic tenants of parenting! The need to discipline, punish and set limits is a necessary part of parenting.  It's the key to turning a young wild animal into a Human Being fit for living in, and contributing to, society!  Setting limits is part of loving a young Spirit...so is just discipline.  They are actually a form of love just as much as a hug and a kiss.

How did we allow this world to turn the need to set limits, require one to speak in a respectful, civil way, and basic discipline of a young person into a sin and a crime?!

Oddly enough as I walked away, I realized all that time I was in the wrong aisle; I wanted the next aisle over. That's where the hot sauce I was searching for is shelved.

Namaste' Till Next Time,
Holly aka The Thunder

Lessons From The School Bus Driver

 This morning the door bell rang and I opened the door to see Jack standing there with a smile.  Jack and his family are the great gardeners that do jobs for me that I can't manage by myself anymore.  Especially since I don't have any place to let the clippings and cutting compost.  He takes all that away with him to his farm. 

He's such a great person, as is his wife Olive and son, Eric.  So very easy to deal with and talk to; as a matter of fact, we can get into such great conversations that I sometimes feel guilty for taking up their valuable time, but they seem to enjoy this aspect of service just as much.  So, being able to spend some time in the company of kind people is a bonus.

Today, when I said, "Jack, the door's open if you need anything or if there are questions," he responded, "No questions.  Just wanted to let you know we're here and will get started and see how far we can get.  You know school's back in session and I'm the bus driver again."

I asked how his bus is this year; you often hear stories about how some unfortunate drivers end up with Satan Spawn as passengers.  He said, "No problem.  They're good.  I set the rules with them from the very first day. I think kids need to be allowed to be kids, but they have to be respectful."

It was then that Jack the Gardener/Bus Driver taught me a great many things in the conversation that followed:  Jack says "Good Morning," to every child who gets on the bus and waits for them to wish him the same.  If they don't, he makes a joke out of it by saying, broadly, "Why good morning to you, too, Jack!"  He says he only has to do that one time and then the kid remembers he has to return the greeting.

Each afternoon, as they exit his bus, he says to each one of them, "Good evening," and waits for them to respond in kind.  And, they do.  Many of them say, "Thank you."  That's a bonus!

If a child addresses them as, "Bus Driver," he kindly corrects them and say, "My name is Jack, I drive a bus.  If you need me, please use my name."  They do.  He doesn't require that they call him Mr. Jack, but many do, and that's also a bonus.

He tells them, "You all will be many different things in life.  Some might be surgeons, or farmers, or lawyers, or bus drivers.  You'll all be different, but the one thing you all must know how to do to be successful is know how to recognize and acknowledge another Human Being."

So, he sets about teaching them that through the daily expression of a simple courtesy.  On his bus, in the average day, without a big deal, Jack is teaching these little plantlets how to grow into fine specimens of Human Beings.

And it happens just by getting on Jack's bus.

It seems to me, that if each one of us, through our usual routines and jobs, remembered to extend those sorts of lessons quietly to each child or person we encounter, we could collectively make a huge difference in turning this increasingly graceless world back into one that is kind and good.

Thanks, Jack!  For teaching me something today, especially since I never rode a bus to school.  Have a good day!

Namaste' Till Next Time,
Holly

Racism 50 Years Later: Where Do We Go From Here?

This Wednesday, the 28th, marks the 50th anniversary of Martin Luther King, Jr.'s march on Washington and the broadcast of what is now called his, "I Have A Dream," speech.

I find it interesting that, just as we are going to pay tribute to that monumental moment, we are facing some upheaval in the United States that makes one wonder: how far have we really come in terms of race relations?  The media coverage of the George Zimmerman trial turned it into a race bait, even though it is a tragic case of a man and a younger man getting into a street brawl with one of them ending up dead.  It should be about a lot of things that would help us make better choices and better legislation but it didn't.  Instead it became about the color of skin.  It became about a white man killing a black man. Although, what you did not hear very often was that Travon Martin was unfamiliar to a neighborhood watch man, in a neighborhood being plagued by home break-ins and other issues committed by black youths.  The color issue seems to be one of those things that distracts us from the facts and turns a very sad case into something hateful and inflammatory.  Should the black man have been thought of as suspicious by the white man?  In a perfect world, no.  But, in a perfect world, black men wouldn't be committing the crimes that tend to make everyone suspicious of someone they don't know.  Since it was a white man who did the shooting, the media wanted to make this one about race.

Just last week in Oklahoma, a good looking Australian exchange student was murdered by two teenagers.  Why was he killed?  Was it because he was in a neighborhood in which he should have known better not to be?  Or because he was in a brawl?  Or because he said anything hateful?  No.  He was murdered while out for his regular run in a quiet neighborhood.  Why?  Because the ass-hats who did it proudly crow, "We were bored,"  while one danced around and carried on like a fool during the booking process. It may not have been race related, but when you read some of the stuff the shooter posted about hating most white people on his FB and Twitter, it makes it very frightening that a young person would feel these things and act on them.

Are you freaking kidding me?  We had a young man murdered as the result of boredom?  How incredibly awful.  The perpetrators are reported to have been running wild in their neighborhood without supervision of any kind for quite awhile.  The mother is in jail.  A father?  Nope, not around.  It's like these kids had gone feral.  It's interesting, however, that different from the Zimmerman coverage, since these criminals are young black men who killed a man who happened to be white, the media really do want to make certain we don't immediately jump to the conclusion that this was a racist hate crime.  Interesting.

What do these two incidences and how the news covered them, have to do with the 50th anniversary of Dr. King's famous speech?  I'd say everything.  I am a 58 year old, white woman who was an impressionable eight year old when The March on Washington happened; I remember it.  And, as a white woman, having the Civil Rights Movement as part of my history, I have always believed it is my moral responsibility to never judge individuals because of the color of their skin.

That hasn't been necessarily easy; I was born in the mid-50s, grew up in downtown Baltimore in the 60s when serious race riots happened in many major cities, and came of age in the 70s when peace and love were important and so was making race a non-issue.  In those early years, although the beginnings of awareness that racism is anathema, names like nigger, spick, cracker, honkie, kike, wop, guinea, dago, mick, bo-hunk, etc, were still used without a trace of discomfort.  They were part of our world.  Hell, we even used phrases like, "jewed him down," when we were crowing about getting something for absolute bottom dollar!

But thankfully, even though it seems slow, we are a long way from those days when how we thought about someone was decided by their color or nationality.  Are we where we should be?  No, but we are far better than we were.  And, with each generation that comes along, color becomes less and less important until it would seem that our children are becoming almost color blind when it comes to people.  Pretty amazing when you consider it.

So, here we are 50 years after Dr. King's speech and I'm really questioning. After all the affirmative action, and social programs, public housing, education, discussion, and now political correctness, are we any better, a half century later?

I say yes and no.  And,  I'm going to be totally Politically Incorrect and add, I am sick to death of  the continual suggestion that white people are racists and that race relations in the U.S. are still awful. Even more, I reject the notion that most white people are racists who have simply learned not to share their thoughts out loud.

I'm also sick of feeling as though race relations rests completely on the white race changing the way we are, the way things are.  We all play a part in the success, or failure, of this issue.  Why don't we spend as much time talking about what people of color should be doing about this issue?  Where are they in meeting whites somewhere in the middle to help things change instead of standing back and waiting for miserable whitey to finally get it?  And, why does it seem that when an African American of notoriety, like comedian Bill Cosby, calls out his own about their behavior, he's called an Uncle Tom or completely dis'd by the black community?

Dr. King, a black father, movingly said, "I have a dream that my four children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin but by the content of their character."   What a beautiful wish for his children!  All children should have a passionate parent who would dream such huge dreams for them.

Dr. King, I completely agree with you.  And, even though I grew up in a world that didn't always recognize the correctness of this sentiment, I have always tried to meet each Human Being with this in mind. I think the average person does as well.  But lately?  Lately, all I am is very frustrated.

Lately, I am left to question the increasing sounds of people telling me I don't like them simply because I am white and they are not.  IT'S NOT ABOUT YOUR COLOR!  IT'S ABOUT THE WAY YOU LIVE YOUR LIFE!

While I do everything in my power to not judge you by the color of your skin, it's up to you to live your life in such a way that I can only judge you by the content of your character!  You must do the hard work to live your life in a way that requires that others immediately recognize the content of your character.


If you are a woman and have a a child out of wedlock, I think you have chosen a hard life, but I support you in that choice.  I support you having a child and raising it.  I don't insist you be married.  But, if you continue to have children with different men and they don't even know their fathers or share their last names?  What would make you think that is correct?  Currently, the statistic is that 75 per cent of black children are born out of wed-lock or into broken homes. More and more white children are homeless or in terrible situations. More grand parents are becoming the guardians of these children as drug addicted or absent parents drift away.  That is not all right.  I don't care what color you are...it's wrong.

If you are a man having sex without using birth control and your children are scattered all over, who you do not financially and emotionally support, who wouldn't know you were their father if they bumped into you, that's not all right.  I don't care what color your are...it's wrong.

If you decide that it's all right for you to call each other nigga because you are black, but want to hurt a white person who uses the word, it's wrong.  You don't have the right to use that word in songs and in public if you have determined it's hate speech.  I don't care what color you are, if the word is hateful, it's wrong to use it.

If you act out in public with your pants down around your thighs so that your ass is out and I see your underwear, you act in a way that is disrespectful to yourself and those around you.  It is not a fashion statement, it's stupid.  I don't care what color you are, it's wrong.

If you find yourself in school and you don't do everything you can to maximize the opportunity you are being given, it's wrong.  If the school you are in is broken or not teaching you, go find a mentor, go find a tutor, go find an adult who will help you.  Don't sit there and say, "It's not my fault they're not teaching me anything," go look for someone who would be more than happy to help you!  Hell, call me, I'm happy to tutor you!

If you can do something to help your neighborhood come together and begin to regain its peace and sense of community, but instead you run in gangs, take part in drive by shootings that kill innocent children, sell drugs, and terrorize people, it's wrong.  If you don't help people in need, beginning with your family and extend a helping hand to those around you,  I don't care what color you are, it's wrong.

If you have the opportunity to form a committed relationship and a secure family instead of using each other like sex toys and spreading unwanted children all over the place, and you don't do it, it's wrong.  I don't care what color you are, it's wrong.

If you don't look for a connection with the God of your understanding, and instead act in a godless, miserable way, spreading hate, fear and crime, I DON'T CARE WHAT COLOR YOU ARE, IT'S WRONG!!!!

And, I'm not racist expressing these ideas.  Nor am I wrong to call "Bullshit," on those insisting that I am intrinsically racist simply because I was born white.  If you believe that, aren't you acting in a racist way, or am I missing something?!

So, as I see it, here's the challenge, (and the liberating thing is that this whole racism issue is no longer just the white race's issue to correct,) because...

...I can very successfully not judge you by the color of your skin.  Thanks to Dr. King and other people who were part of the Civil Rights Movement who helped us all to understand the importance of this.  BUT, only you can decide to live your life in a way that compels me to respect you, by the content of your character.

We have a lot of work to do in this country, but it's the work of all.  It's no longer enough to point a finger at Whitey and say it's their work alone.   If we want racism to vanish so that we're not having this same conversation at the 100th anniversary of Dr. King's speech, it's not enough for only white people to hold themselves accountable.  People of color must also work within the framework of our collective society to bring about the change that is needed.  And, if we really wish to eradicate racism, we must teach children that it's not enough to be color-blind; they must live their lives justly so that the content of their character is the only measure.

Namaste' Till Next Time,
Holly 

I Was Young Once And Liberal

Definition of liberal n :  one who is liberal: as one who is open-minded or not strict in the observance of orthodox, traditional or established forms or ways.

Interestingly enough, in older dictionaries, the definition also includes:  lacking moral restraint.

Am I the only one who had a father who said words to this effect:  "It's easy to be liberal when you're young because you're doing it on someone else's dime!"  I hated it when he would say things like; it seemed so snide.  When I was old enough to begin looking at the world around me; take account of my world view; wonder about the rightness/wrongness of the world, there was more than one occasion when Dad and I simply had to end our discussions with the live and let live philosophy.  The, "we'll have to agree to disagree," rule was often invoked.  But, I'm awfully glad that he continued to spar with me and make me think.  I like to believe that my bright-eyed, optimistic, youthful exuberance for the ability to positively impact wrongs and make change, helped him maintain equilibrium in his thinking.  Maybe even keep him on his toes while we verbally squared off!  At the very least, keep him hopeful that things can always be made better.

My father was never dismissive of my thoughts simply because I was young with less life experience. He told me not to give up on anything I believed was just, right, fair, but he did show me where just wishing something was so wasn't enough to get it done.  Because he didn't treat me like an idiot or condescend, I always gave him the benefit of the doubt.  I recognized his intelligence, wisdom, and deeper experience.  Still, the 70's were a breeding ground for social upheaval and dissonance; the never trust anyone over 30 philosophy was rampant, so our points of view were vastly different on many things.  Not unlike our world today, it gave us lots and lots to discuss and argue.

I believe that my father was one of the best parents in the universe. Even more, he was a mentor.  A strong advocate.  A teacher.  A guide.  He did way more right than wrong in terms of my up-bringing.  However, the one thing I wish he had done better was teach me how challenging it can be in terms of living in the real world.  I wish he had been more open about money and finances.  I wish he had been more forthcoming about the financial struggles our family faced.  How difficult it can be to own and operate a business successfully.  I wish I understood sooner that things just don't happen without someone making sure they happen, like:  The lights and heat are on because someone paid the utility bill.  I ate regularly because someone worked to make certain we had food in the house.  I was blessed with a great education because someone made sure that tuition was paid, or that appropriate financing was secured for the tuition; financing that would have to be re-paid by a person who understood their responsibility to the contractual agreement.

I wish, instead of adopting the usual mind-set of most parents, the one that says "make sure my child always feels safe and secure," he had talked more about the need for someone, somewhere to secure that our world was orderly, our needs were met, because someone worked to pay for it all.

Because conversations like that didn't happen often, I didn't give it much thought.  The inner workings of the need to contribute and understand what heavy lifting it takes to keep your loved ones together body and soul just wasn't something I pondered.  By nature, I am a grateful person, so I always said thanks for things but you can't thank someone when you aren't even aware of the gift.  Know what I mean?

I am still very liberal in terms of my thinking when it comes to the Human condition.  But, as I've grown older and struggle, like most of us with finances and the rising cost of breathing in and out, I'm so not liberal in my thinking when it comes to money, government, or funding what so many now consider their right, their due, their fair share.  I'm just not.

And, I must admit it bugs the hell out of me because despite my best efforts of making sure, "I'll NEVER think like you do, Dad!!!"  Well, here I am.  I'm not Jimmy Dietor, but I sure the hell am Jimmy Dietor's Daughter. So, how do I say what's on my mind now without sounding like a condescending old, F**k?  I don't know...but I have to say it regardless.  So here goes:

We have done our younger generations a serious dis-service.  Our children should be part of  a discussion about our family bills.  It's all right to talk about our monthly expenses and when we're a bit strapped for cash.  It's a good thing to let our kids know when we need to tighten our budget or when we can celebrate better times with a treat for all.

We should have made basic finances, how to budget, and money management a major part of educational curriculum.  We should teach our children to get right with money and understand how it works.  We should stress how each of us needs to invest in ourselves and work toward feeling successful. 

Instead, because we've taught them to expect they should always have everything they want or need without regard how it is paid for, we have raised them to believe they have more RIGHTS than privileges. We now have people who can no longer differentiate between the two.  It's becoming increasingly problematic.  Let's be clear what is the difference:

right n:  Something to which one has a just claim; the power or privilege to which one is justly entitled.
privilege n:  A right or an immunity granted as a peculiar benefit, advantage, or favor.

A right comes to you simply because you are.  A privilege is something you earn or is given to you out of the generosity of another's purse or belief that you are worthy.  And, while in practice they do seem closely related, they are not interchangeable concepts.

As Human Beings, as Americans, we have very few RIGHTS; those we have are incredibly significant.  Read the Constitution and our Bill of Rights is spelled out.  You will not read any where in it that you have a RIGHT to a life made better or easier and paid for by others.  It simply is not there.  It's not an over sight; it's not meant to be cruel.  It's that the writers of the Constitution understood the concept of manifest destiny and embraced personal freedom to create our lives as we see fit.

We The People! We make up the government.  There's no separate entity, called The Government that has an unending privy purse ready to make your life easier.  When you say The Government should pay for something, you're actually saying, "The people of the U.S., more specifically, the Tax Paying Citizens of the U.S. should pay for my fill-in-the-blank!" It doesn't work that way.  Nor should it. 

When I hear younger people say, "I have the right to health insurance and I'm not asking anyone but the insurance companies to do their part,"  or, "I have a right to affordable education and paying for my college degree shouldn't be something with which I am burdened," I want to ask, "Really?  You don't think you should pay for these things yourself, but you think I should be required to buy it for you?" And how do you think that's going to happen? Companies are profit centered entities.  We can discuss how much profit is too much and whether they should be more service minded and caring; I probably will agree with you.  But, at the end of the day, they are profit driven businesses.  If they don't make money, they don't stay in business.  And, if they are forced, through laws, to pay for your health care, your birth control, your education, or your fill-in-the-blank to which you think you are entitled, those costs will be passed along to others in terms of hidden fees and higher premiums, higher costs and taxes.

At what point does your belief that you have a RIGHT to things for free or at no cost, justify that the price tag be passed along to the rest of us for payment ?!  Or, had you simply not considered it? If there is a bill involved, someone, some where must pay the bill.  Nothing is free.  But, you have to be open and fair enough to wonder who is expected to pay for it if you're not willing.

Recently, a friend of mine said, "If  I see someone hungry and I have enough to share, then I'll share it. The only thing over which I have any real control is myself."  For me, that's true liberal thinking at its finest.  I am liberal enough to want to help everyone in need.  But I am conservative enough to understand that I only have resources to help some and that I can only do so when I have enough to share.  My liberal way of thinking means that I search for ways to help others, but first I must meet my obligations to myself and my family.  At the same time, I'm conservative enough in my thinking to say, "My willingness to help another is my choice; I will not have it mandated through government policy that is too far-reaching and invades my personal space and life!"

I wish we would return to the days when people understood that they need to invest in themselves first before they look to others to invest in them.  Return to the days before we constantly looked for government to take care of us.

conservative n:  marked by moderation or caution.  Relating to traditional norms of taste, elegance, style, or manners.

So after trodding the earth for awhile, here's where my journey has brought me:  If I wish to be liberal in my thinking of Human Beings and  be willing to respond to need when I encounter it, I must be conservative in my views of what I can do and also what I need.  I must be conservative in my view of finances and money so I can meet my financial obligations and help those truly in need.  I must be conservative enough to believe that I have very few rights but am lucky to have privileges.  I must be conservative enough to understand that I must make my own way, and trust that if I do right by others and am liberal in my willingness to help, those good intentions and acts will be returned to me.

Go ahead Daddy....where ever you are, you can laugh.  I get it.  I'm now with you on this topic.  I am finally a liberal conservative; or maybe I'm a conservative liberal.  However you say it, you knew I'd eventually figure it out.

Namaste' Till Next Time,
Holly aka Jimmy Dietor's Daughter

Ben Ruthless...berger

Any of you have 28 year old son? Mine is 24. Close enough for me to relate. Think about some of the yelling matches you've had with said son. Think about the times when you've wanted to bang your head against the wall and wonder who you should kill first, you or him.

Think about all the hours you've prayed hoping he'll act responsibly and demonstrate the values you've worked so hard to instill in him. Consider all the hopes you've had for him to be thought of as a gentleman, if not a scholar. Oh, hell, go for both! A gentleman and a scholar and his good looks are exceeded only by his pleasant personality. Yeah, that's it, think how hard you've worked in hopes of hearing that said one day about your baby boy.

It takes all your heart and soul to bring him safely to a certain point, giving him the foundation of faith, values, morals, and an understanding what it takes to be Real. All too soon you come to the awful spot where you know you've done all you can do and the rest is up to him. You still continue to pray and hope; that's what a parent does most.

Okay, now picture your 28 year old son, and imagine you're in ancient Rome and your son has proven to be all but invincible in the Colosseum, at the Circus, where men are pitted against each other for sport. Fights to the death are the norm. Maiming and cursing, and hurting and swearing, and having your every carnal need attended to because you draw the crowds by the thousands! He is a Gladiator! An elite class. He is a highly trained warrior!  Staggering amounts of money have been invested in him. Oh, you are so proud of your son, now a leading Son of Rome!

However, when he comes home occasionally for a pasta dinner, you can't help but notice that your darling little boy has become a brute. The bravado and swagger that keep him alive against the attacking Goths, is too big in your tiny villa. His flip and off-handed way of dealing with every other person in the family, as though they were there for his amusement and to meet his every need, becomes really insufferable.

You start thinking, "What a monster you are becoming all for the sake of the roar of the crowds and the money that is thrown at you. When did being one of Rome's favored citizens give you the right to act like a brute?! I raised you better than that!!!"

See where I'm going with this?

The Pittsburgh Steelers beloved quarterback, Ben Roethlisberger is in deep dookie at the moment. Most reasonable fans could see the trend building to a bad outcome. The NFL Commissioner just suspended him without pay for six games, (a loss of about $3 MILLION in salary, holy crap!) for acting in ways unbecoming of a gentleman. For acting in ways that do not exhibit the values and behavior expected from players. And, while he's not the first to act out big time in public, wow, he's continually stepping his big feet into really big shit. Not criminal perhaps, but certainly not moral or ethical.

So, from this point on in the discussion, I'm going to look at Ben from a Public Relations professional's slant. I'm going to consider it as though he is a client of mine. In PR, my job is not to judge a situation; my job is to represent it as correctly and truthfully as I can based on the facts and the legal constraints that may prohibit me from saying everything that someone might want to know.

And, if I was Ben's PR guru I'd grab him by his ear, (if I could even reach it,) yank his face down to mine and within inches of said face I'd hiss, "What the hell are you thinking? Oh, check that, clearly you don't think!!!! So this is how it's going to be moving forward or I'm walking, are we clear?!"

I'm an excellent PR professional, but I'm not sure even I could sell this prize pig at the market right now. Even though there have been no legal charges, he continually finds himself in the middle of a murky stew of poor judgment, boorish behavior, and an emerging pattern of outright ruthless conduct when it comes to women. Regardless, as a PR person, I must put aside my personal feelings; I'm not hired to judge the right or wrong of the facts. My role is to give my considered opinion about the situation, craft a plan for communication and exposure, and represent the client in the best possible light to the public. I told you I was good...

But, here's the thing-- I can't successfully work with a client if he won't do his part and work with me by listening to and following my sound counsel. I can't help if he continues to surround himself with shady sycophants instead of ethical individuals who wish to help, guide, and assist. I can't care more about an individual's reputation than he cares about it for himself. I can't continually tell the public that it was just an unfortunate confluence of events predicated upon a young, powerful millionaire athlete, out on the town to blow off steam, combining with the mis-directed desire for young women or men to be close to that energy.

I can't talk about his merits as a gladiator, which is what our modern day football players are, in hopes that this status will prompt us all turn a blind eye and say, "Well, okay, I don't like it but it's perfectly understandable." I can't continue to bleat, "It's not Ben's fault, it's the fault of the young woman in question..."

And to further compound the dilemma, ethically, I am obligated to walk away from a client if I know, without question, they are lying or purposely acting dishonorably. I will not put my reputation on the line if the client isn't willing to do the very same.

If he continues to find himself in the middle of shit storms of poor behavior when it comes to women, even when charges don't stick, eventually any sane person, fan or not, is going to start to think, "Yeah, but where there's smoke there's fire."

But, let's go back to your 28 year old boy. Give him millions of dollars. MILLIONS! Give him a very public personae. Give him a golden arm that makes him the darling of the citizens who jam the stadiums each time he steps onto the field. Give him all of that and then ask yourself, despite all your home training, the hours you invested emotionally, mentally, physically, energetically in your little boy...

...would he behave any better than Ben seems to behave? You could desperately hope, but you'll never know with absolute certainty.

Famed Steelers Quarterback, Terry Bradshaw recently said it best for many of us, "Ben doesn't like me very much, and I'm beginning not to like him very much." Sad. I want the old Ben back, the respectful, eager, talented guy who showed such promise.

Today, say a prayer for Ben's mom. And for him if you're so inclined. But definitely for his mom who must be so sad. Having done all she could, seeing her boy rise to such heights, only to see him be yet another victim of the system that makes it so easy to plunge into the eighth level of hell.

A system that has caused her baby boy, Ben Roethlisberger, Big Ben to all of The Steeler Nation, to become Ben Ruthlessberger. There are no winners in this issue, I'm sad to report.

Namaste' Till Next Time,
Holly aka She Who Prays For Her Son

It's Only O.K...

...if you're talking about the gunfight at the O.K. Corral. Otherwise, it's not okay.

Ah, the power of three. Yesterday I had three brushes with this topic so I'm sharing them with you today. It's about the wonderful qualities of our mother tongue...that's English for those who are wondering.

ENGLISH! Learn it. Words, all words, have power. Use them wisely. Use them well. Find a grammar and style book that you like and refer to it. My favorite is Strunk & White's, The Element of Style. It's short, easy to read, easy to use.

For those of us who are wordsmiths, yes, the debate is constantly afoot about the idea that languages are living and must be allowed to change and modify. However, there's a fine line between change and deterioration. We're allowing it to erode through laziness and the need for speed. Technology is taking its toll. Unacceptable says The Queen. Class is now in session.

There is a great article in yesterday's Tribune Review written by Rege Behe entitled Shortcuts cost language a lot of its style. Give it a read. Behe says that it's not alright (no such word,) what we're doing to language these days. And, it's absolutely all right that he feels that way. He agrees with me; we've become worse for the obsession to be expedient. Case in point:

Melissa was telling us that she got this text yesterday: "HBTY. HBTY. HBDM. HBTY." Disturbing. It was her mother 'singing' Happy Birthday. Sigh. I'm not sure what's more weird. The fact that she text messages at all...the fact that the birthday wish came in code...the fact that it would have been so much better if mom had called and said or sang it. I'm going with all three.

Come on. Are you really so busy that it would kill you to type, see you, instead of CU?

Here is a list of some of The Queen's pet peeves:

Spell check, DOESN'T! You can't rely on it because it can't discern your intent. Regardless, (Notice I did not use irregardless, WHICH IS NOT A WORD! Although it is in the dictionary now because so many knot heads use it...but then again, ain't is in the dictionary too; need I say more?), use it anyway as the first pass on your work. At the very least, it will highlight things for your attention and consideration. Cripes. It's right there! Don't be so lax. Click it and see what it turns up. Even for your e-mails. It's too easy not to use it. Unless you're terminally lazy.

There, their, and they're: Learn the difference. There is no reason that their luggage is lost so they're truly pissed. Got it now?

Its, It's, Its': Its- belonging to it. It's- the contraction of it is. Its'- a failing grade when I was teaching and read it in a paper. Why? Because it's not a flippin' word! Stop doing that!

I.E. vs E.G. : We all know that I.E. is used to site an example. But, did you know that it's most correctly used only when speaking? It's Latin, id est= that is. As in, 'that is to say.' The say is your tip-off. However, when you are writing and wish to give an example, it's most correct to use, E.G. Latin exempli gratia=for example. Perhaps it's not earth shattering to use them interchangeably, but like every tool, using it correctly gives optimum performance.

I vs Me: This confuses many of us. Understandably. Which is correct? Easy enough to figure and train yourself. When you're not sure about using I or me, split them apart. Do you want Joe & I to take you? Split it: Do you want Joe to take you/Do you want I to take you? See, it's immediately apparent that you should use, me.

Let's do it a different way: Me & Joe will take you. Joe will take you./Me will take you; not unless you're two years old. Otherwise, it is- I will take you. You would be correct to say, I & Joe will take you, but it's stilted speech, so to be absolutely correct, you'd change to: Joe & I will take you.

Give yourself the gift of the deciding split and the entire me & I nightmare goes away.

Stop ending your questions with 'at.' Stop talking just before your mouth says it. "Where are you at?" NO! "Where are you?" Stop in time and save our ears.

Here's another: "What did you want it for?" When you hear yourself ending questions with prepositions, it's because you're not asking the correct question. Learn to ask better questions. The real question here is not what, it's why: "Why did you want it?" See? Easy.

It's, "i before e except after c, or as sounding like a, as in neighbor and weigh. Most of us know the first part of this handy device, but many didn't get the last bit. So, I share it with you today!

Melissa says that, often, when she's reading this blog, she feels as if I, "Sneezed commas." I had to laugh! It's a great description. There were five of us around the table when she made her observation. Three of the five, including me, went to Catholic school and were taught by Grammar Nazis, e.g. The Sisters. I am exceedingly grateful to the nuns for having the fortitude to teach us the rules of usage and correct form. It is what distinguishes many of us. The three Catholic kids stood firm on the whole comma debate. We get twitchy if we don't use commas to separate any, and all, independent clauses. Commas were sacrosanct and it's difficult to cut them without great trepidation...

I admit, even for me, punctuation is really, really tricky and deserving of its own blog. So, I'm not going there today. Except to say, give yourself an exclamation point moratorium- no more than a carefully considered few to a communication. Because, if everything is emphatic, then nothing is emphatic.

I also know that writing styles change. Rule of thumb- si fueris Romae, Romano vivito more; si fueris alibi, vivito sicut ibi: When in Rome, do as the Romans do. In other words, learn the style manual that is currently acceptable at your place of business or school and adhere to it. The AP Style Manual has done away with many of the sneezed commas that used to be de rigueur. While I'm learning to reduce their numbers, I'll never view them as extraneous.

One that I insist on though, is the serial comma. I absolutely abide by it. The flag is not red, white and blue. There is no color named, 'white and blue.' Doesn't exist. Being most specific, the flag is red, white, and blue. We can argue this one over drinks some night.

As this relates to the various modes of communication now at our disposal, we've become shiftless instead of more efficient. We've become less personal in our personal communication. We're systematically removing human interaction. Stop it! Use tools in descending order. Stop sinking to the lowest, most distancing, mode of communicating as your first choice. Whenever possible:
- speak face to face. Yes, it can take additional effort but do it!

- If you can't, then call.
- If that's not possible, email.
- If that's not possible or you are mobile, text.
- If you want your communication to be lasting, write it.

The caveat to this rule: In order to be most effective in your communication, learn the recipient's preferred form of communicating and use it as much as possible. For example, I really don't like the phone; I prefer email and check it with alarming frequency. If you want to get something back from me as soon as possible, always go for email first. However, if you prefer the phone, I'll give you what you need your way.

Finally: Remember, all rules were made to be broken. But, you need to know there are rules and consciously decide to run counter to them. This is most obvious in creative writing. Acceptable. But you must know the rules.

My friend Frank sent this yesterday, and although I can't determine who the author may be, it's well worth sharing so enjoy:

This is English

We'll begin with a box, and the plural is boxes,
But the plural of ox becomes oxen, not oxes.
One fowl is a goose, but two are called geese,
Yet the plural of moose should never be meese.
You may find a lone mouse or a nest full of mice,
Yet the plural of house is houses, not hice.

If the plural of man is always called men,
Then shouldn't the plural of pan be called pen?
If I speak of my foot and show you my feet,
And I give you a boot, would a pair be called beet?
If one is a tooth and a whole set are teeth,
Why shouldn't the plural of booth be called beeth?

Then one may be that, and three would be those,
Yet hat in the plural would never be hose,
And the plural of cat is cats, not cose.
We speak of a brother and also of brethren,
But though we say mother, we never say methren.
Then the masculine pronouns are he, his and him,
But imagine the feminine: she, shis and shim!

Let's face it - English is a crazy language.
There is no egg in eggplant nor ham in hamburger;
neither apple nor pine in pineapple.
English muffins weren't invented in England.
We take English for granted, but if we explore its paradoxes,
we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square,
and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.

And why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing,
grocers don't groce and hammers don't ham?
Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend?
If you have a bunch of odds and ends
and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it?

If in the past, teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught?
If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?
Sometimes I think all the folks who grew up speaking English
should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane.

In what other language do people recite at a play and play at a recital?
We ship by truck but send cargo by ship.
We have noses that run and feet that smell.
We park in a driveway and drive in a parkway.
And how can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same,
while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites?

You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language
in which your house can burn up as it burns down,
in which you fill in a form by filling it out,
and in which an alarm goes off by going on.

And, in closing, IF PEOPLE FROM POLAND ARE CALLED POLES
THEN SHOULDN'T WE CALL PEOPLE FROM HOLLAND, HOLES,
OR THE GERMANS, GERMS?

Namaste' Till Next Time,
Holly