Wednesday, March 11, 2009

Take A Breath!


Over the past few weeks, I can feel the disturbance in the force. Big time. Of course, it could just be me. But, I doubt it. Don't you find it the same? Tension is high. People are a bit sparky. Patience is low. Tolerance for B.S. is way thin... I find I want to slap the livin' crap outta' something. I just can't find a truly deserving target for the slap.

It's like dancing with a ghost. I can feel it but when I get close to identifying it, it slips away. And, I'm left to cycle around and feel it build. Again. This burbling feeling builds like a scream that never reaches my lips.

Am I reacting to the world around me and our growing fear and sense of doom? I'm increasingly disappointed with the on-going disconnect of Washington politicians with the rest of the world. I mean, really, really disappointed that hope and change seem to be running hand in hand with cataclysmic crappola and spending. On what? Have you seen the difference? Felt it? Benefited from it? Me and mine certainly haven't.

I suspect I wouldn't be so very frustrated if we hadn't been promised so much. But, the new administration promised it would be different. Better. Change things. And, it was promised that the Washington elite would get their house in order and set the world on fire once the White House was Dem. Right all the wrongs of the universe. But, not so much. It's business as usual with all of them. And, I think, "This is how revolutions come about." But, I don't want to live through the heartache of a revolution. Do you?

To add insult to injury, you read in today's paper, when everyone in America is wondering how they'll survive, the Elite refused to put all future raises to their salaries up for vote. Nope. They took that right out of the bill. No vote on raises...they'll continue automatically. They deserve their raises, without question or consideration. Yep, because that's the good life for Washington politicians these days... They're above accountability. They get paid regardless of performance or the lack there of...That's just for us little people. Little people who voted those asses into their seats.

But, how about you? Do you just get an automatic raise now? How about a raise at all? Or are you one of those who's been asked to take a salary cut? Or, have you been told your salary is frozen for at least the next year? How about, do you even have a salary now, at all?

Of course, out here in the toolies of Western PA, maybe my vast geographic space makes it harder for the wave of Washington do-gooders to impact my life for the better....okay, yes, that was sarcasm.

I just want to slap that crap out of something...and I so resent feeling this way.

I've been in stressful situations and times before. But, it didn't seem so pervasive. And, since it wasn't everyone feeling the same shitty way all at once, it seemed I could find a few moments of respite from the tension and strife. Now, it seems close to impossible.

But close to impossible means there's still a tiny crack for the possible. Tiny. Tiny. Tiny. Something so small even a mouse would have a hard time slipping through.

I think I'll try to recall a moment of grace I got on a day just like this one. It's all right if you think I'm really, truly crazy after I share it. I know it is real. And, I promise you that it happened just the way I'm telling it now.

I was sitting at my computer working on a project. My consulting practice was slowed to a crawl. I was living on my own and not certain how I was going to pay my mortgage and my bills. I walked through most of my days feeling like I couldn't take a deep breath...wondering when the other shoe might drop. Wondering what the hell I'd done to deserve a life in this sort of chaos....

All that as background while I worked to complete this tiny crap-assed assignment for my only client. Absorbed in it. And, that's when it happened....

I was listening to the words as they hit the computer screen, hearing the tick of the keys and hearing my own thoughts as they swirled around the construction of the words...

And it was like, you know when you are driving along listening to the radio and you hit a spot where another station momentarily bleeds through and stamps all over what you were listening to? It's startling because it's really loud and only there for a moment.

It was like that, because suddenly, there was an empty space in my thoughts as if someone turned down the volume and I heard a voice. Yes; a decidedly male voice... Not my Holly Thinking Voice. I heard clearly and quietly, "Proceed with a joyful heart and know that all will be well." A few more heart beats of silence followed. Then like a door closing, I was alone again.

I sat there. Not moving for moments, or an eternity? Fingers curled over the keys. Calm. Quiet. And, then I felt it. The first deep breath, like a sigh, I had taken in days. I slowly went back to my work and the calm and warm feeling lasted all that day.

I know that the message was not one that I conjured up. It wasn't from inside my head. I heard it like you're hearing what I say to you now. I know I was visited by something much bigger than I can imagine. Why I was graced, I can't say. Other than to make me grateful, there's no reason for it. Except, I know that when we are truly in need, Spirit provides. And, I was in true need. At times like today, it's a stretch but, I am able to recall that visit and it continues to provide calm and quiet.

So, I want to give it to you. Because I need to have a moment when life feels right. Because I have no way to change how scared and frustrated we're all feeling. Because we all so sorely need it. And we are worthy and deserving of all good things. Despite evidence to the contrary...life is good and we are worthy.

Today, "Proceed with a joyful heart and know that all will be well."

Namaste' Till Next Time,
Holly

6 comments:

Toni said...

Changing decades of governmental abuse/stupidity in 2 months is asking a bit much, isn't it? We gave Bush 8 years to dig it deeper and deeper and deeper, but Obama gets 10 minutes, without a wand? Hmmmmm.

The 'Elite' is a mentality that filters all the way down to the smallest of small fish companies, such as mine ... there are the Entitled (owners), and the rest of us (disposable). Washington Elite could set an example but it's an entrenched entitlement, so entrenched it's become like petrified rock, engraved with 'we deserve it' ... so instead the rest of us, the disposables, keep honing our needs down and down, thinner and thinner.

Anyway, yea, slapping the bejeezuz outta something is much needed, especially after just reading of the mass shootings in Alabama and Germany. I keep saying I'm not going to read the news anymore, keep reading it anyway.

The universe is always offering the BEST of options; the majority of people just don't want to change their choices, or even consider their manner of making choice.

Holly said...

Again, my frustration stems from overstatements...when someone says to me, "immediately," I take them to mean...right now. And, if the new administration didn't say this word a lot during the campaigning, I'd say, "It's just business as usual." That and how everyone seemed to think that the majority would begin to work for our betterment, just as soon as the old regime packed their crap and moved out. But, the only movement they've made is to make sure that their needs are met. And, our spending has gone out of universal preportion. I'm simply tired of being lied to...by everyone. And, unable to do much more than take it. The shootings? As frustration and rage escaltes, so will violence. Fear is a path to distruction. Most of us are feeling raw fear. That's all I'm saying. And, if anyone feels I'm singling out President Obama, that would be incorrect. I'm saying ALL of them should be ashamed and evicted. All of them.

Opie said...

"Fear is the path to the dark side. Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate leads to suffering." - Yoda
I agree with you on this one Holly, and on top of the government issues, this is off to a really crappy year. The funny thing is that work is going great for me, and I'm making more money, however expenses have risen and countered that quickly.
If you really want to smack the crap out of something, I'll volunteer, hopefully you hit me hard enough to wake me up from this nightmare we're living in.

Donna said...

May today there be peace within. May you trust God that you are exactly where you are meant to be. May you not forget the infinite possiblilities that are born of faith. May you use those gifts that you have received, and pass on the love that has been given to you. May you be content knowing you are a child of God. Let his presence settle into our bones, and allow your soul the freedom to sing, dance, praise and love. It is there for each and every one of us.

It can only get better.

I'm a state worker, no raise coming my way but I am thankful everyday just for having a job.

Samantha said...

We all feel frustration, apathy, even despair at the moment, with the current situation, the current administration. I can't share in your discussion about the US Elite as I'm not hearing it over here, and frankly, I'm trying not to listen to the media prattle about our politicians at the moment either. It's all the same.

Can you see what's happening? They're all running scared! They know their days of skimming the cream off the top are severely numbered.

Change is absolutely coming. It's just around the corner. But we all have to disconnect from our pictures of the old/existing reality. And whenever we feel fear, we are feeding the energies of the existing reality. Try to release fear gently, with love.
Compassion and peace will be the order of the day in the new reality, but we visionaries have to help create it before it can be fully birthed into existence.

Sisters, we are such a powerful force when we join together like this. Keep your twinkles bright!

Wildeve said...

wow. I have goosebumps. I really needed to hear that today. Thank you.

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