Friday, August 21, 2009

But, Can She Juggle???!!!

Okay, I warn you: This is a rant and it's going to be short as I'm dripping wet. Not kidding, dripping.

I often wonder about this business of multi-tasking, who invented it, how do I find him or her and, as to the rest of what happens next, you don't want to know. That way you can't be hauled into the court room as a witness for the prosecution. Trust me, I'm only looking out for your welfare.

So, here's the thing, we know that life is incredibly different for women and men. For more about my thinking about why that might be, take a read back on Tigers & Berries. But not at this moment because then I'd be forcing you to multi-task and that would just be wrong.

And, when it comes to the most simple of tasks, sometimes it's not fair that it is more simple, or let's say less complicated for our men folk. Taking a shower being today's example:

When Michael gets into the shower, I'm telling you, if he decides to lallygag, it will take him, oh, about five minutes including drying time where he flaps and snaps that towel around like it's the mainsail of a schooner. That extended shower almost never happens. Most of the time, he's in and out in about three minutes. Amazing! Hair washed, body squeaky clean, and he's even one of those wonderful men who squeegees the walls and glass! I know! Lucky aren't I?

We have one of those showers that when you see them in the model home, you're fairly certain you'll die if you can't have one just like it for your very own. Yeah, tile and glass on two sides....lovely. Well, be careful what you wish for! Can I tell you how I hate that shower now? There's no keeping it looking pristine...NO WAY!

So it bugs me. I try to ignore it but it's too big for that. It's a huge rain box staring at me. Taunting me with its streaked self. But, I digress...

I'm in the shower this morning and I look down at the container that neatly holds all of our shower supplies. And, I think, "Cripes, Mike has one body/hair wash. ONE! While I on the other hand have my body wash, my shampoo, my face scrub, a razor, a pumas stone, a luffa!"

Let me remind you, I am not, am NOT a girlie-girl. But, still, I have all this stuff. One thing I take great pride in is that I don't use conditioner. Score one for me. So, I'm still one up on the average chick.

The shower then commences. I wash my hair; I scrub my face; I shave my legs and my underarms; I scrape off my feet with a stone. I run the luffa around. And, I'm exhausted.

It's now a tropical rain forest in the bathroom. I'm certain two Scotties were in the room when I started, but I'll never find them in the fog. Bark so I can locate you!

Now here's where it really gets nuts and you know me, I always get back to the point I started...back to the multi-tasking. Some of you with weak stomachs may want to stop here because the rest of this entry is not pretty. It may fall under the heading of TMI, but it's my blog.

At the very last moment, I decide to hop out of the shower, dripping wet, run like a mad woman to the kitchen to get the bathroom cleaner. Did I mention the front door is open? Why did I go streaking through the house? Because I may as well clean that freaking shower while I'm in it and already soaking wet.

Yep...there's a naked woman standing there, soaked, scrubbing down the walls and glass. Don't look hard you'll likely burn your retinas out. It's seems the easiest way to get it clean! So, water off, me dripping away, standing there to squeegee the walls and now clean glass. Even wipe it down with paper towels.

It's now 25 minutes later than when I started running the water. 25 minutes to his three in the shower. So not fair. And, a simple thing like a daily hygiene ritual has turned into a marathon of multi-tasking! To make it even crazier, I decide I have to go rant about this, so I rush in to the office to fabricate this! Rrrrggggg!

There is one bright spot, though; up until now, I haven't found one good point about the fact that I'm wearing glasses for the first time in my life. The fact that I can't wear them in the shower turns out to be the bright spot...

Without them, everything looks really clean. And, The Queen is very pleased. Clean, exhausted, but pleased.

Namaste' Till Next Time,
Holly aka She Who Hates Housework


Kavindra said...

Oh sweet baby jesus this is funny!
Only YOU could toss this off dripping wet just back from your multitasking shower.

You just made my day.

Linda said...

Self induced pain deserves no pity!
Neurotic bathroom cleaning does not need to happen during or immediately after a nice relaxing shower. Save it for another day- and then end it with a refreshing shower silly! Only you could make a spa like existence sound like waterboarding! No wonder the dogs are hiding- fear!

Alix said...

Can't. Breathe.

Can't. Catch. Breath.

Laughing. Too. Hard.

The visual was priceless, and you are funnier than freakin' chit man.

I am now convinced that we are twins separated at birth.

Kyddryn said...

Oh, Mizz Holly...Ohmugoodness...I just had to put down my lunch for fear of dropping it, I was laughing so hard.

Thank you, ma'am.

I have a tiny shower, just big enough for me. I wish it was larger - showering with a loved one saves water. Ahem.

And how's this for synchronicity? Last night I was at my weekly Pagan discussion group, and we were chatting about multi-tasking and who we thought generally did a better job of it - men or women?

We weren't as funny as your post, though...

Thanks again for the laugh.

Shade and Sweetwater,

ajordan said...


Sunny said...

You are too funny! I can't stop laughing!
Sunny :)

jkc said...

Wonderfully hilarious pictures here...although I must admit I was waiting for someone to be at the open front door as you ran to the kitchen!!

Chester said...

Funny post!
One question though. Wouldn't it save you steps if you kept the bathroom cleaner in the bathroom instead of the kitchen?
I'm getting old enough and comfortable enough that I don't worry about household perfection anymore and just do what I can and live happily with what I can't. Cuts way down on multitasking.
For example: while lying on the floor with Chester this morning I saw multiple cobwebby corners. Did I spring up and get something to swoosh them away?
NOPE! Come on over, I'll let you look at 'em. Take your time 'cuz they are gonna be there awhile. Chester and I are going to take a walk or play football instead.
Is my house a hog pen? No, but it's comfortable -just the way we like it.

Chester's Mom :0=)

Mel said...

When you're done at Chester's house...c'mon over...I"ve got a few of those cobwebby things myself...

Is yours the kind of house where I'd be afraid to sit down for fear of crinkling up the sofa? Good thing you have dogs..if my crumpet made a crumb I'm sure they'd take care of it....:)

Mind you...I don't enjoy streaky glass....still...I can live with it...*grin*

I was also hoping for a delivery person at the front door...;)


beth said...

we have one of those showers, too....and I hate it !

granted, it's great being able to see my television through it while I'm showering, but keeping it clean...YUCK !

we are total squeege people...we have to or otherwise I'd freak out daily instead of monthly over the glass cleaning needs !

Jane said...

I'm laughing over at this end. We have the opposite in our house. Breen has an entire detailed morning ritual for the shower. Me? I'm in and out quickly. In my old house, I had glass doors and I know what a pain in the arse it can be. The glass was always streaked, foggy and mildewed.

Eileen said...

Well then I guess I can be happy with my "old fashioned" three tile walls and a shower curtain arrangement. Thanks, you saved me a bundle! Too funny even without pictures ... ah, but my imagination has had a few very funny minutes!

Kathleen Krucoff said...

ROTFLMAO. You are too much! Thanks for sharing.

Sara said...

Giggling here too. Love ya! xx

joyce said...

Oh my gosh....your ability to write such an entertaining blog every day is amazing. This one was one of the best, but then I say that everyday. I must say though, I was waiting for something to happen with that open door!'s another way to add to your shower multitasking.....throw all your dirty dishes in there too. :)

Sarah said...

ROFLMAO...I am blew coffe through my nose all over the keyboard...Holly girl you owe me a new one...giggle snort....
There was not a single part of this post that did not make me giggle with glee...retinas whaaaa haaa - me too.. Huge hugs and keep it up ya, Sarah

cinner said...

Holly dear, now I know why you were late with the post this am, because of your multitasking...I was sure there was someone at the door, thats what the new blog i read was talking about his neighbor streaking through her kitchen with cleaning products. I can send you his http address, oh he also said you were being chased by two scotties. Love ya, c

The Weight of Me said...

Cinner with the wasps, Holly with the streaks ... hee hee ... want I should make it even worse? hmmmMMMMM?

in my family, wherein I'm the only female, I am the 3-minute prepped & waiting party ... I'm always sitting on the couch fidgeting, waiting for my three GQ stud muffins to finish beautifying themselves. Hate me now?

Marisa @ Getting Back To Basics said...

Ha funny. I know what you mean about the glasses. I wore reading glasses for years, but only for reading. It wasn't until I graduated to transition glasses
(three different levels)that I had to wear all the time, that I saw just how dirty my floors really were.

Joanna Jenkins said...

Since I left the house at 7:15 am, I'm just reading your post at 4:30 pm. I will now laugh my ass off while i make dinner, trying not to multi-task, naked, dripping wet.

Holly, YOU CRACK ME UP!!! Great post Snarky Sister.


Ribbon said...

Too funny holly :)

thanks for multi tasking and sharing this... another upside:)

love to you

Barbara said...

OMG, Hi-larious! And you have just summed it up for all of us with picturesque little visual! Thank you! That made my night.

Renee said...

Thank so much for the laugh. I needed that.

Renee xoxo

My name is PJ. said...

Holly, Submit this as one of your three examples of writing! Excellent and just dripping with truth!

Ty-Anna said...

Oh my I'm laughing sooo hard picturing all of this! ... and of course I can say, I understand :-)

great post!

histreasure said...

totally hi-la-rious..i just couldn't stop laughing...
ahhh..just wat i needed..a good laugh an already too weary day..thank you

david mcmahon said...

Thoroughly enjoyed this post. My first visit here - a friend gave me this URL and said I simply HAD to check out your work.

Brian Miller said...

lol. you know as a guy, i never think about cleaning the shower when i am in there...maybe we need the glasses? congrats on the POTD mention over at Davids.

Alix said...

GIRLFRIEND!!!! This post was nominated for Post Of The Day by David McMahon!

You really ARE Queen of the Universe.

PS: I got nominated too. Are you believing this??


Cheffie-Mom said...

I came over from authorblog. Congrats on the Post of the Day Award!

Eddie Bluelights said...

Came over from David to congratulate you on POTD - very glad I did, Holly, because I was highly entertained.
I am only a man and hence have no idea how to muli-task but we can do one thing at a time properly!! (gosh! I've been and done it now - bars of soap and this and that are being chucked at me so I am going to retire to my shower and concentrate on cleaning all my imortant little places one by one so I do not get system overload!
Love the blog - You have a fabulous sense of humour (I hope!). I will return when I can to read some more ~ I am doing a play at my place - a new version of The Wizard Of Oz - Eddie

Joanna Jenkins said...

Recognition from David McMahon is VERY cool.

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