Monday, April 13, 2009

The Blessings of Expansion

Our house is very quiet now. Maybe a bit too quiet. Perhaps I don't find it as peaceful right now. Perhaps it feels a bit empty in place of the formerly perceived peace.

Rory and Fiona still seem a bit sleepy after three plus days of play. I know Michael and I are, but that's all right. I wouldn't trade it for anything.

Michael, Jen, and Grace left yesterday morning. Our visit was a wonderful one. Full of a young girl's energy. Hours of catch-up conversation. Sharing new experiences. Walking down familiar roads. Furthering relationships that are years deep in the making.

On Saturday, sitting together at Barnes & Noble, Michael- (okay to be clear,) Doog and I chatted about 'stuff' that only he and I seem to share. Ideas about martial arts and body work...books that we've liked and think the other would enjoy...and for the briefest of moments, I felt my heart well-up with a burble of, "I'm so very glad that you are here so we can talk like this! I've missed our in-person talks together!!"

Our Starbucks coffee finished, Grace having located what she wished to purchase, Jen and Michael finished browsing, we headed back home again. Our trip the next day to the zoo and lunch afterward, gave this family of ours a shared new experience.

Seeing something so usual as a zoo, takes on a new layer of wonder when you experience it with a child. Their enthusiasm and comments make it new. Grace is no exception, and found it interesting, even though the mammoth National Zoo is her home zoo frequently visited. Children live completely in the moment; they don't often diminish an experience by comparing it to what they already know. Note to Self: Attempt to follow a child's example; I'll like my life better that way...

But, the true beauty of our visit were the moments filled with the mundane. The moments of Grace sitting with Michael in his chair and talking about things, and Jen reading, while Doog and I cooked a new recipe together. Sitting around the kitchen table drinking coffee and talking. Nothing so very exciting...but so completely rewarding.

And none the less binding.

Today, in the quiet of a visit's aftermath, I am grateful for the blessings of an expansive mind. The ability for all of us, except for Grace whose supple young mind only knows us as family, to be flexible in our thinking.

For me- to have been willing to consider what my former husband could be to me after our marriage of 14 years needed to end. To be willing to recognize that I can keep the good parts if I let go of what used to be...

For Doog- to have been willing to apologize for having to hurt me in order to do what was authentic for his life. And hold hope that what was still important between us could be redefined and newly invented.

For Jen- as Doog's wife & partner, to recognize the value in maintaining one's past while growing a new life together. For being the sort of woman who is comfortable in her own skin with a rare spirit of generosity; secure in her own worth and life enough to easily expand her definition of family to include a former wife.

For my husband, my beloved Michael- for recognizing that while it is not the usual for people who were once married to continue to mean so much to each other, it's pretty remarkable. And, to be expansive enough in his thinking to understand them as my family and now our family.

Here's what I know to be true: there will never be enough love in the world for any Human Being. And, if we hope to maximize our share, it takes the blessing of an expansive mind to consider all possibilities and say, "yes," when they are offered.

How unique and wonderful that all of us are blessed in this way. I hope the very same for you.

Namaste' Till Next Time,
Holly aka The Former Mrs. Duggan, aka Shine, aka Aunt Holly, aka Blessed


beth said...

holly, this was beautiful....your words here were amazing and I had to read them twice just to make sure I loved them as much as I thought I did the first time....

and mundane....I like mundane sometimes best of all !!!

duggan9 said...

As usual you see the best in all of us and reach for the greater aspect of which we are all part. Our love and thanks to you, Michael, Rory, and Fiona for opening your hearts and home to us.

Donna said...

You are truly blessed with a family, no matter who they are, are still a loving family.

Quote time: When we seek to discover the best in others, we somehow bring out the best in ourselves.

Cam@Journey Wildly said...

Family is all inclusive. It reaches beyond genetics, legalities, space, and time.

Your family sounds like a safe place to call home.

Healing happens in the most magnificent ways possible, and always in good time.

Eileen said...

Just one of the many examples of how unique and special you see the world and understand how to open your heart and your spirit to its fullness. Everyone else is drawn to that energy and example.

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