Saturday, January 3, 2009

Two Scoops

Okay, so let's continue with sex and ice cream.

First, a caveat: I am not, yet, talking about sex from a moral or religious bent. That'll come later. For now, I am addressing the fundamental issue of sex as a sacred part of life. In no way am I advocating careless behavior. I am not speaking in terms of being amoral or moral. However, that whole overlay is directly responsible for people stuck in a constant internal struggle when it comes to sex. So, let's be clear: Holly is an advocate for responsible, thoughtful, reverent sexual conduct.

Also, for those in a committed relationship, be it new or years old, this conversation still applies. Even if you think you don't need your little pink spoon anymore, think again. You still need it. Maybe not to sample different flavors, but certainly to sample how many ways you can serve ice cream as a delicious part of daily life.

Now that we understand the approach men take to ice cream selection, and how women make their decisions, let's examine how that came about. How did women become reluctant to sample as many flavors as they might? Is it a female's nature to want only one flavor for her entire life? If vanilla is your favorite, how did you decide? Did you compare other flavors to know? Or, did you accept it as your best hope based on a Good Girl's single taste?

Because, if it is a guess, you'll spend the rest of your life hoping that it is the best choice. And, hoping that you'll never be tempted to try other flavors. But, you will be tempted. You will be curious and want to know with certainty that vanilla is the only flavor for you. The problem is, that when you don't try other flavors at the appropriate time, you can't possibly ever know with absolute conviction.

Males are hardwired to propagate the species. In order to make sure the gene-pool is diverse and that we don't end up with an eye in the middle of our foreheads due to inbreeding, male wiring directs, "Lay with as many different females as you can find. Cast your seed wide!" Women are hardwired to keep the species alive. Our wiring says, "Don't let the fire go out. Have something to eat. Are you warm enough? Is everyone here and accounted for each day?" So, in essence, males are responsible for making sure we have people on earth, while women are responsible for quality of life issues once we're here. Women are responsible for building clans. For moving civilization forward. In order to do that, there are rules. There are limits.

As those mandates relate to ice cream- men absolutely will sample as many flavors as possible before eventually settling down with a favorite. However, there will never be a time when he isn't curious about the other flavors in the case. Women get so angry over that, "If I'm the one he picked, why does he still look at other women?" Because that's the way he's wired. It has nothing to do with being satisfied with you as his choice!

Women direct all interest to their selected flavor and never want to think about the ice cream case again. The selection means certainty. No more running around willy-nilly with a pink spoon for them! Women want to marry ice cream in order to eat it. Men don't get emotionally attached to ice cream in order to enjoy it. For men, ice cream is just ice cream. But, ice cream is much more complicated for women!

Women want ice cream, but only if they can't be judged for indulging. Men don't care what anyone thinks of them if they want to eat ice cream every day. In fact, they love to crow about how much ice cream they can eat!

It's not that women don't want or like sex. But, societal pressures mean they spend the better part of life accepting what others tell them about sex instead of experiencing it for themselves. We limit our exposure to it. There's no way a man will limit his exposure to such a fascinating topic. He wants to know all there is know. And, the only way to know is through first-hand experience.

Experience is gained by repeated attempts. Men know that the only way to define what they do/don't like is by switching it up and tasting lots of different flavors. Women, even those who know that experience is gained by repeated attempts, generally want them only with the chosen flavor. It makes it 'all right,' that way.

It could happen. But, you're more likely to be struck by lightning. For most, in order to know what we like, what feels good, requires a variety of people and encounters. We have to be willing to know. We have to be willing to carefully explore.

I can sense tension, so let's dial it back to safer ground. Let's talk about kissing. Most of us like kissing. It feels good. How do you define a good kiss until you've sampled different kissers? A kiss is as individual as the finger print. Each kisser is different. How do you know the kiss that makes your knees buckle unless you've survived kisses where you think, "Okay, I don't ever need to do that again!"

Don't say, "A kiss isn't the same level of importance as sex. It's not a fair comparison." It is; kissing is part of sex. I've had some kisses that rocked my world and were more intimate than intercourse! Lighten up; sex is such emotional dynamite, that most women will only explore it in certain contexts, with certain conditions in place. However, I'm not talking what you've been encultured to think; I'm talking about your birth right as a Human Being to have healthy physical contact with another.

But, you have to make yourself open and available. You have to allow someone into your personal space. You have to be willing to be curious. You have to be courageous enough to define it rather than accept what you've been told about right/wrong. You have to desire to eat ice cream for yourself instead of accepting what society says you should taste.

Ask yourself, "How open am I to ice cream? Does ice cream make me uncomfortable? Where do my ideas come from? What parts of my life and the people in it have formed my opinions about it?"

Namaste' Till Next Time,


Samantha said...

I love this post Holly (and the Little Pink Spoons one).

The ones that got away ~ the Kissers that made my knees buckle. And I don't think about the others.

So, is that the great litmus test? If the kiss doesn't at least make your tummy wobble a little, should you move on and try another flavour?

Holly said...

That's a good question, and I'd say, know from a kiss...and the rest is likely to follow. The kiss is the gateway to it all...that and how committed and completely the guy knows how to hug...turning it into an embrace the warms your soul.

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