Saturday, January 31, 2009

The Change? Into What??

It's an interesting name, The Change. For a woman who hates change and despises being hot, this stage of life, The Change, is truly a trial.

There's a group on Facebook called, I Flip My Pillow To Get To The Cool Spot. I considered joining. I adore laying my head on a cool, crisp pillow. I turn mine a couple of times a night to get that second of refreshment. So, along comes, The Change. And, now I don't just flip my pillow. Now I spend nights migrating around the mattress searching for a cool spot. Not unlike those poor animals you see dragging the African Savannah in their desperate search for water.

We have a new latex mattress. Seemed like a luxurious idea because it molds to the body providing total support. No more tossing and turning. No more waking up with sore parts. Expensive? Hell yes, but we are so worth it. Yep. That's right. Have you ever seen what happens when you put a flame thrower close to latex? Why, aren't you the clever one, yessssss, it does dissolve! I'm fairly certain it's my body temp that has caused the crater on my side of the bed.

I seem to sink into the mattress like it's quick sand. Once enveloped, the spot heats up to the very same temps as on Mars. I'm a great marketer, but I'm not sure how even I could prepare a sales person to sell against this situation: "Madam, you'll adore this bed unless you are going through The Change. If so, we can only sell it to you if you have proof of adequate life insurance. And you'll need to sign this Hold Harmless waiver which insures that you won't hire Edgar Snyder to sue us for your unfortunate demise."

Covers on. Covers off. Covers on. Covers off! The turbulence turns the bedroom into a wind tunnel. Maybe it'll be better with just the sheet. How the hell did this cotton sheet turn into rubber when I wasn't looking?! Holy crap that's hot. Mere minutes later my body sends the panic code to my brain, "Are you crazy? Put something on or you're going to wake up with frost bite!" All night long, long, long.............

Poor Michael. He hates to be cold. So, when he realized how high my engine runs most of the time, he thought he'd struck gold. He calls me, The Source of All Warmth. Yep. That's me. And, I love that he snuggles against me for comfort and warmth. Except that, when he's all toasty next to me and I get a surge, with our combined body temps, I'm fairly certain the top of my head is going to pop off. The survival mechanism goes on red alert; the brain screams, "Warning! System overload eminent. Get the hell off now!!!!" Pushing your husband away in not good for a successful relationship.

Not wanting to ruin our new marriage, we've finally worked out a system. He wears socks, flannel bottoms and a shirt to bed. Sometimes a sweat shirt. I refused his plea for mittens and a muffler. Along with that, we have an extra throw on the bed ONLY on his side. Don't let that thing come over to mine! If he hears, "You have to move now," he reacts immediately to avoid Ground Zero. I have to say, it's all so sexy I can hardly stand it! My heart used to race from romantic moments. Now it races just before I combust into flames.

I hear The Change, for some women, can hang on for years. How fabulous. I wonder if life in Antarctica might be a good option? And, when The Change is over, what is it that women change into? I have to go, I'm feeling momentarily dizzy. Oh yeah, during the day when I surge, getting light-headed is part of the package. Delightful! Maybe if I stand in front of the open refrigerator... Yes I know it's only nine degrees outside! What's your point?

Namaste' Till Next Time,


chrisk said...

I had a spell of excessive body heat when I had Graves Disease/Hyperthroidism last year and it was HELL!! I don't envy you being hot all the time. Before I was diagnosed, friends would wonder why I was trotting around the house in a t-shirt and barefeet in the middle of the winter. Not being able to cool off is miserable. I'm now back to the reverse, in cuddl duds 24/7.

Anonymous said...

HOW FUNNY!!!! I am going through "the change" as well. In fact, I just sent a friend a birthday e-card that read: Remember Saturday Night Fever, well, welcome to Saturday Night Hot Flashes!!!! And it's not only Saturday night, it's Saturday afternoon, Saturday morning, etc, etc, etc....aren't we the lucky ones and husbands, just watch out! That's the only warning that I gave to my husband...WATCH OUT!!!!

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