Monday, November 16, 2009

Traffic Lessons

So, I'm sitting at the corner of a small road, waiting to make a right into two lanes of very busy traffic that moves at 55 miles an hour. Fiona & Rory are in the back seat going along for the ride.

Across from me in the suicide shoot, is a truck waiting to make a left, cross the two lanes of solid traffic, and continue its journey on the road where I wait.

Traffic races by, vroom, vroom vroom, vrrroom! The Santa Fe shimmies from the force of the air surges blasting with each passing vehicle.

After a time, in the lane closest to me, there is a break in the race. I get ready to move out sharply, commanding Fiona, "Fi get down now!" When the car isn't moving, she likes to stand on the door so she can peer out the window. She's learned to get down immediately when the car begins moving as she's tumbled off the seat onto the floor a couple of times.

Do not call PETA or the SPCA on me; I don't have harnesses for them, and I don't care for them or the politically correct way we deal with pets and everything else these days. So, if you want to send me gifts of harnesses for both of them AND come deal with bullheaded Scotties each time I need to go somewhere, great. Otherwise, let's move on with the story.

Just as Fi's butt hits the seat and I start on the gas to make my break in the small opening, a driver in the far lane, seeing the truck waiting in the suicide shoot, does an incredibly nice thing. To create a space for him to start out across the road and without putting on her indicator to signal her decision to change lanes, she darts into my open spot sealing it off, just as I was beginning to pull out.

My breaks slammed on. I stopped in time; the woman doing the incredibly nice thing probably doesn't even know that she almost got T-boned by me. But I sure the hell know it.

And, that's when, with my heart racing, it struck me....

I wonder, how many times when someone was doing something very nice for someone, does another person get unintentionally hurt by the nice act?

Have you ever been supportive of a friend who is having a tiff with a mutual friend, only to have the other friend let you know they feel betrayed or let down by your kindness to the other?

Have you ever decided that you had to attend an event which meant that you had to disappoint another friend? My friend couldn't make it to my wedding because her mother's anniversary party was the same day. And, I thought, "Yeah, it's her Mom but she's had lots of anniversaries and this is my wedding!!" But, I had to be nice about it, not make her feel worse. It didn't hurt me so much as disappoint me, but you get the idea.

And, how many times have you been told, "I didn't know which one to pick. And, I thought you'd understand, but So-in-so would never forgive me if I didn't come to their party so I went there."

Yeah, sometimes the fact that I'm so flippin' easy going and understanding gets on my own nerves.

There's no answer to this musing today. Just that there will be times when you will do something incredibly nice for someone and find out later, that someone else was injured by that kindness.

I think it's the same about many things in life. A political party does this to support that group, and the taxes goes up for everybody...Ouch. Laws are passed to make some part of the population safe, only to have less freedom available in the over all.

And in our own lives, subtle things, not always noticed. Certainly not all that earth shaking such as the case of who gets to see you at a party while another gets to miss you at theirs.... but makes you wonder.

Perhaps that's what we really mean when we say, "No good deed goes unpunished." Perhaps only in heaven can something go well for every single person. It sure doesn't happen here on Earth.

I just know today, some woman I don't know trying to do something nice for someone she didn't know, caused me to almost pee my pants and say some words that haven't fallen out of my mouth in a very long time. And, that's got me thinking.

I can't talk longer...I have to go wash my mouth out with soap and while I'm at it, I might as well change my pants.

Namaste' Till Next Time,
Holly aka Potty Mouth Pee-Pee Pants


Alix said...

Sooo been there. Life is just this giant ballet and you go spinning off in circles dancing with this person then switching to dance with that person. It's a twirling kind of madness but you feel like as long as you keep dancing everything will be okay. Sometimes it is, sometimes it's not. I've lost two good friendships virtually over nothing and when I think about that it makes me sad. On the other hand, I have finally learned how not to be used or taken advantage of and if it means standing my ground, so be it. I know this isn't exactly what you're talking about - but a lot of times in life we need to slam on a different kind of brakes to save ourselves.

Lovely post as always. XO

beth said...

time to start wearing those depends when you're driving, huh ?

this was great and made so much sense and I often feel that I'm "that one" who does something nice and in the end gets burned....arrghhhh !

but that won't stop me from being who I am....not at all :)

and I don't harness sophie if anybody has any issues with that, they can come after both of us.....

Big Pissy said...

I'm just SO glad that you and the Scotties are OK! I know that was scary. :(

...and oh, yes: I know EXACTLY what you mean in your post.

clairedulalune said...

Holly, I read your post and I have to say, I related to your writing very much. I often have that kind of situation in work, if I give someone the day off, someone else is peeved they have to do their work and so on and so on. I have only recently cottoned on to this, I am a bit slow on the up take, but reading your post has really got me thinking and I will think even harder when dishing out my wee kindness parcels! Once again Holly, you make me start thinking and it hurts!! Hugs to you!!

Rocky Creek Scotties and Java said...

Is everyone OK?

Wow!! this really made me think - how many times have I hurt someone by my selfish acts?

Have a great evening.


Joanna Jenkins said...

YOU ARE BACK Snarky Sister, and I love it!

This is a classic post-- One that will stand the test of time. I'm bookmarking it so when I need a good chuckle I can reread it because "Yeah, sometimes the fact that I'm so flippin' easy going and understanding gets on my own nerves." is just perfction!

Thanks. I need this :-)

Love ya,

Sunny said...

Your post got me thinking...Many years ago when I was young(er), I was invited to two weddings of two friends on the same day, I was so torn because I was afraid of hurting someone's feelings that I sent my regrets and didn't attend either one. The result of doing what I thought was the right thing, ended up severely damaging two friendships. It was a sad lesson in life.

Brenda said...

I'm just glad your ok! I'm afraid I do not think so hard on these type of things. I don't get irritated with people too often and it does not last long. Probably someone has misunderstood me before but if it is a friend I just set them straight. If a stranger I just think "I'll probably never see them again". My Scottie would probably never put up with a harness in the car. If I drive for any distance I put her kennel in the back seat to keep her safe. Gee I can't even get her to go to bed when it's time. She has a mind of her own. It's her 1'st birthday today!

Dreamwriter said...

Glad that you and your *Kids* are safe and well..

Alison said...

Aaah yes! Again - how I always can sooo relate to your postings. Yes re the traffic and the unwitting acts of kindness/hurt. And regarding the functions/invitations and how we so often end of being hurt or hurting someone - I was brought up to believe that you always went with the first offer. So if something better comes up - tough! I just couldn't change from that now - I am sure I would be struck down by lightning if I did. But I am often surprised/upset by people who do let you down and go with the best offer. I'm sure it seems perfectly logical to them, but not to me! C'est la vie!

Kavindra said...

Ahh, but the Buddhist's call it "skillful action" - as opposed to being a bozo who endangers everyone else in traffic.... Compassion and kindness are useless unless we use our reason to implement our heart's urgings wisely (so they say, it's not like I have it down yet myself...)

Poor little Fi! I bet she would've had some choice words, if she spoke english, too!

Sarah said...

Awww hon..what happened?? Huge squishy hugs coming your way. I do understand this.
Many years ago when my Mother was dying and I was about to deliver my second child, a close friend of mine wasn't there for me..when the baby came two weeks before I delivered...she was missing after the birth. A year or so later she gave birth to a severly disabled kiddo. That sweet child lasted 3 months. When she passed I called and wanted to be there for her..her family told me to leave her to them and call back in a couple days..I thought I was doing something right..she was deeply hurt and thought that I didn't care. We just never worked through it..the hurt on both sides..we tried. I thought I was doing what she needed..she thought I deserted her. She just never got over it.
Sometimes you just have to let these things go..sometimes there is no help and you can only do what you can do hon!! Huge hugs and love you, Sarah

cinner said...

I think we all feel this at times. I had a panic attack just looking at the picture of the traffic.I am glad you were okay, and the scotties too.Take care.

Life With Dogs said...

This one is easy to relate to on many levels. I'd like to take a few guesses at your choice of expletives...but I won't. :)

The Fragrant Muse said...

Suicide shoot? What is that exactly?

Helpful Buckeye said...

So....Holly, did you finally make it out onto the road? Your description of the crowded traffic conditions on some of those western PA highways brings back memories! Be safe....

Helpful Buckeye

clairedulalune said...

PS: I have a surprise for you on my blog.................

JennyMac said...

So glad you are ok! Yikes. I enjoyed reading your post very much. My first visit here and Im hooked.

joyce said...

I do love your musings....but have to confess the mental image of the intersections & placement of the vehicles has got me a little confused. Never heard of a "suicide shoot"!

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