Tossed Overboard

It's an interesting expression, "Tossed overboard." Comes from the time when travel by ship was extremely perilous. When a ship floundered, anything that could be thrown over the side to keep the ship from going down, well, over it went. Provisions. Ammunition. Tools. Clothes. Food. Chickens. Ship's Cat. Livestock. Anchors cut loose. Whatever could be tossed, before Humans, went into the drink. Thrown Overboard. To stay afloat. To stay alive.

Have you ever been tossed over by a boyfriend/girlfriend? I have. It sucks. Mike Stakwick was the one who did it to me. (No need to say it, I know, another Michael...) He jettisoned me to get to one of my close friends, Sharon Hughes. I was bewildered and heart broken. How could he do that? We'd just started dating. He was really cute and funny. But, I guess Sharon with her long blond hair and even longer legs was simply too alluring to pass up. So, over I went. Glub. Glub.

And, the direct hit to our relationship, I mean Sharon and me, well that left a huge hole in things. I couldn't help but think, "Damn! You knew how much I liked that guy! What the hell? Why didn't you say, 'no' instead of being part of the pain for me? What sort of friend are you, anyway?" I'd think differently now, though...I wouldn't blame her. It is what it is.

One of my other friends, Dawn, did what a lot of young people do. They rush to your defense and champion your cause. They defend you on the field of honor. Dawn was as close to a Valkyrie as I'm likely to meet. She was tall, muscular, blond, angular. And, very Nordic in every way. She went nose to nose with Mike demanding, "Why would you do that to Holly? She really cares about you and is really hurt! Don't you feel crappy for doing that to a nice person like her?"

Honest answer from Mike, "Well, yeah, I do. But, what do you want me to say? I didn't mean to hurt her. I'm sorry I hurt her, but I don't want to date her anymore."

What do you say to that? Other than, "Ass..."

Is it wrong what he did? I don't think so. At least, not now. I think that we have the reasonable right to reach for what we want. Go for it. I think that twinge you feel when you let go of one thing while reaching for another, is that moment of consideration. It's the split second where you can wonder about what you're about to do. Weigh the consequences as it were.

It's not that you won't have those twinges of remorse about how your choices may impact others. You simply have to be honest and admit that you hurt someone. Apologize when you can. You have to own your choices. But, you shouldn't regret that you made a choice. Or take a risk. We toss things out of our lives regularly as we reach for something new. Relationships not the least of what we let go.

Life is about living and learning. Even the mistakes. Especially the mis-steps. But, it isn't about regret. Especially if you understand that every choice you make is a learning experience. Do you live your life so that at your last moments you can honestly say, "I leave here with a lot of living and as few regrets as possible,"? If you don't, start today with the choices you make.

I'm not certain what started me thinking about this...I think it may be a chat I had with Melissa. She was telling me that her mother got totally emotional and cried when she told her that they put Dash down last week. Beth had an emotional melt down. Which made Melissa a bit disconcerted. I asked why. "Well, I just don't understand what's going on in her brain. I mean, this is a woman who refused to ever allow me to have a dog. Very anti-animal. And, now she's crying over a dog she only met twice?! What's up with that?"

It does sound odd, doesn't it? What I didn't say was that I suspect that she isn't crying about the dog. Certainly she'd respond to it as being sad for Melissa. After all, she is her Mom. No. That's not what Beth's crying over. What she's crying over are her decisions as they relate to moving on with her own life, which means she's now pretty much out of sync with her children's lives. She's crying because she didn't know about Dash until after the fact. She was emotional because it points out that she's no longer in real relationship with her daughter.

I'm not blaming Beth. I fully believe that she has a right to live her life as she feels she should live it. If that means that she's moved on in a different direction, that's what it takes. But, she has to have moments when she wonders if she has done the right thing by tossing her entire former life over the side. Couldn't she have salvaged parts of it? She has to experience twinges of regret that her new life means that she doesn't have a closer tie to her children. How do I know? Because, just like me, she's a Human Being doing the best she knows how on any given day.
A Human Being faced with complicated choices.

I have them. Those 'what ifs.' Those, 'oh man, I should of handled that betters.' The, 'I didn't mean to hurt yous.' We all do. They're good things. They keep us honest. They can keep us humble. They make us Human. But, I don't have regrets.

Neither should you. Accept that you do the best you know how to do under the circumstances. Learn from each experience. Try to live life so that at its conclusion you can admit, "I'd do it all over again. Just the way I did it. It was a glorious ride!"

Be grateful to the things that you tossed overboard. They're the things that have kept you afloat. Honor them by moving forward. Oh, and if you're curious, turned out that Sharon tossed Mike overboard for a guy who had way more money. I guess what goes around does come around; sometimes you're the tosser and sometimes you're the tossee. Anyone know if that's even a word?

Namaste' Till Next Time,
Holly

There Are Limits

It's another early morning, thanks again to Fiona, who is still experiencing stomach issues. Same time; same station. The Queen is not amused. This dog...her stomach most likely has a Ridley Scott, Alien in it attempting to emerge. What else could explain what she is doing? One wonders how an Alien ended up in our yard for her to ingest, but I'm fairly certain that's what's going on here. Where's Segourney Weaver when you need her? Since I'm up, I may as well be constructive. So, I'll talk with you. If you don't mind...

"Have you ever thought about writing a book?" I get asked frequently. Umm, sure I have. I like books. A lot. Well, not as much anymore. I used to sit and read for hours. I've noticed over the last few years, I hate to admit this, but I just don't have the attention span. It's a rare occurrence for me to drop into the covers of a novel and be unable to re-emerge until it's finished. I can't say why I changed and I wish I hadn't. I wish I could read like I used to....

Sure, I've dreamed of writing a book. But, I don't believe there's a book in me dying to come out. I pick up a book and it seems a miracle to me. Even ones I don't like. Even those I'm clearly not interested in, are miracles. I think, "How did they ever do it?! Look at the pages there...how did they have all of that in their brain begging to be released?" Me? I'm lucky I can get something here every day for you to consider.

But, miracles aren't common occurrences. So, when I walk into Barnes & Noble and peruse the sale aisle and tables, I start to think, "Ga, anyone can write a book! Look at how many books are here." Check it out, I've seen a bunch of descriptions, "With this first book, (Fill In Name Here,) sets the literary stage for... Debut novel, More to come, Tour de Force.... All these brain children on sale for less than $5. Makes you wonder how a writer must feel to walk in a book store and find their sweat and toil on the sale table for less than the cost of a paperback.

Then I look at someone like Stephen King, and my mind really starts to smoke. Not only are his books complex and often quite long, look how many he's written! The sheer volume of volumes is enough to make you wonder, doesn't it?

One of my favorite King novels is The Stand. Now, that one is complex and captivating. Well over 500 pages. But, years later, they re-released it; this time published as King intended it...and it's longer still! I had to re-read it. Although, I can't say I can identify the additions, but I'm sure they added to the story line. It's a good thing I read it the second time before my attention span shifted, huh?

Nah, I don't have a book in me. There are limits to my writing abilities...

"Holly, you crack me up! Why don't you consider comedy?! You're really funny!" Thanks. Glad I can make you laugh. It's very important. But, stand-up? Me? Nah. I don't see that in my future. I mean, I guess I'm amusing, but only if you know me and can relate to what I'm talking about. Meaning, I don't have it in me to stand there and make perfect strangers laugh. Do I?

My friend, Jen, and I were chatting the other day about how funny she has always found me. She loves some of the stuff I say here. Makes her laugh out loud. Then she went on to describe me as, "You have a way of revealing the absurd." I think that's a very good descriptor. But, I think that talent, if you can call it a talent, makes me more of an observer of the Human condition, than a candidate for comedy.

Nah, I don't have the ability to do comedy. There are limits to how funny anyone who doesn't know me would find me...

"Holly, you're a beautiful woman. Stunning, in fact. Have you ever considered that you should be thinner?" Okay, well that question, friends don't ask me. Although, I'm sure they think it. The only person still alive who asks that question of me, (my last will and testament will reveal the locations of all the bodies who were foolish enough to ask The Queen that stupid question,) is Aunt Katherine. It's her favorite question which starts every encounter we have together. It even supersedes questions like, "So, how are you?" I love it, wouldn't you?

Umm. Sure I think about being thinner all the time. Wouldn't I be just perfect then? I'm sure my life would be so much better. Hell, maybe I'd even be able to squeeze a novel outta this fat head of mine. Definitely, I'd have fuel for a career in stand-up. Who doesn't laugh at fat jokes? Or, all the machinations fat people put themselves through in the quest to be thin?

Fat people don't want to be fat. They're regular-sized people trapped in an overwhelming situation. One that seems impossible to change. Once you know you're fat, it seems you're at that awful spot on the road of life; stuck in the middle. Too far gone to easily turn back, while the end is nowhere in sight. Sigh. If you told any fat person that there is an easy way to skinny, they'd do it. Immediately. They may say otherwise but, they'd do it. It's just not easy. It's simple, but it ain't easy. It takes dedication and commitment. It takes the desire to put yourself first and be willing to do the hard work and make better decisions every day. Eww.

Nah, I can't be skinny...There are limits to how much I can change my shape. Change my life.

There are always limits. But should there be?

There are limits! But, not anymore. At least, not for one of the things on this page.

Namaste' Till Next Time,
Holly

Then, My Head Exploded

If I sound a bit cranky, you'll have to forgive me. I've been up since 4AM, thanks to Fiona. As many know, Fiona will eat anything. The tire off an 18 wheeler would be no match for Fi should she care to test its culinary merit. I guess whatever she found out in the yard, while we were on poop patrol and not watching, was simply too wonderful to resist. Although, this early morning, we all wish she'd shown some moderation. Especially poor Boy Dog: she yaked all over Rory while he laid there in his doggy slumber. Nice. Very Nice.

If it was that rank coming back up, you have to wonder what the appeal could have been to start. But, I digress. Let's just say, that my sweet, adorable (yes, that's sarcasm you hear,) Fi, who is one of the most pragmatic animals with whom I have shared the realm, has set the world in its correct balance once more. For, while I have been sore of heart over the recent demise of Dashel Dog, this morning Fiona made me question the sanity of owning a dog at all! Thanks a lot there, Girlie...

So, while I do the laundry, yes we had to strip the bed since I was foolish enough to think three times was the charm and it was safe to put her in bed with us, I figure I might as well talk about what is really making me twitch. This whole business with my dog is just the cherry on top.

Yesterday, I watched a PBS show where worlds collided. No, not one of those nature shows. Not any of those that speculate about the moment the Big Bang sounded the shot that started all this. Not programs that postulate about the natural catastrophes likely when this world is done. Nope, nothing like that.

No, I was witnessing the end of the world as we know it thanks to a musical moment. In the form of Steven Tyler of Aerosmith standing sedately next to Chris Botti while he softly accompanied Tyler's sweet and soulful rendering of, "Smile." Yep, you heard me. Tyler being sweet. Singing a standard. With the Boston Pops Orchestra at his back. Anyone else find this life altering?

Okay, so while I was sitting in my chair attempting to process all the input and racing thoughts, Michael changes the channel and we park on a CBS affiliate. We hit during the commercial break. Let's travel back in time for a sec...

When I was a kid, Walter Cronkite, the anchorman for the CBS Evening News, sat in our living room EVERY night. We referred to him as, 'Uncle Walter' as in "Let's see what Uncle Walter has to say about things tonight." Each night, the phrases, "Good Evening, I'm Walter Cronkite," coupled with, "And that's the way it is, this (fill in the blank date,) Good night," helped provide clarity and understanding to our world. It was complicated then...things like the Cuban Missile Crisis, JFK's assassination, Vietnam...just don't want you to think it was easier or less complicated to be a journalist back then. It certainly, wasn't.

Cronkite is still, in my opinion, one of the most credible news men that has ever been. He ranks up there with Huntley & Brinkley, Morrow and other men of that generation, who ethically understood that their job was to report the news. Not make it. Not color it. Not slant it. NO! Their job was, strictly, to present the news. Give the facts so that both sides of each story were fairly presented. More importantly, Cronkite and newsrooms then, did not determine for us, what was the news. They didn't decide what you should know. If it happened, they told you about it. We made up our own minds. Able to take a stand on any issue. We had, as Detective Joe Friday of Dragnet always insisted, "Just the facts."

One of the saddest nights of my young life was when Mr. Cronkite signed off for the last time. It was like a trusted friend had moved away. Leaving a cub reporter in his venerable seat; leaving Dan Rather to follow in his huge footsteps. And, we all know how that turned out. 'Nuff said.

So, back to sitting in my chair, minding my own business, watching television commercials. Still processing Tyler next to Botti, when a commercial for a new DVD comes on. A stunning, new DVD which highlights all the wonderful moments of the Obama campaign and race to the White House. Highlights of the inauguration and his most famous speeches. The announcer goes on and on while images flicker past.

And maybe it was because of what I had just watched, but all my brain kept shouting is, "Holy Crap, they've turned the President into a Rock Star!" What the F? Mr. Obama's the President of the United States and now has a rockin' DVD of his highlights and performance moments to date!? But, that's not what made my head explode...nah, that only made it pulse harder than Tyler's performance.

What caused the sharp pain behind my eyes was hearing who produced the DVD; it was proudly produced and promoted by CBS! The Columbia Broadcasting System is hawking a DVD of all the wondrous moments of the Obamas brought to you by their stellar 60 Minutes coverage of this new American icon!

Am I the only one who has a problem with a major network excitedly doing something this bizarre? A network that already has major problems in their news division? One of the founding networks who has, as of yesterday, further eroded my ability to view them as credible and unbiased? And, that's pretty impressive because I didn't think it was possible after the whole Dan Rather mess.

What the hell is going on here? Have they completely lost their minds? Because it certainly seems they have totally lost their perspective. And, my trust.

To be fair, it could be argued that 60 Minutes is not part of the nightly news division, although it is referred to as a "news program." I suppose CBS could argue that 60 Minutes is produced for entertainment purposes. I'm not certain Mike Wallace or Morley Safer would like being told their journalistic endeavors are for amusement and not edification. I maintain, that without a background in media, (yes, I have two degrees in it so I qualify,) the average person doesn't consider the difference. CBS News and 60 Minutes are very closely tied in the average person's perception. Both are painted with one broad brush as a news source.

Now that they've become rock star DVD producers, should CBS ever be trusted to broadcast the facts about President Obama and his performance in the White House without distortion and color? At a time when the facts, just facts, are desperately needed?

If I want to hear from Obama promoters, I'll talk to my friends who voted for him. On all topics, I trust my friends' opinions even when I don't agree. But, when I need facts? Who do I turn to now? What happens when we can no longer turn to news agencies for facts? Journalists and news agencies must be neutral, not jump on the promotion bus! We are living in a tinderbox with many of us walking around with struck matches! The world is volatile and highly charged. And, CBS wants to promote their new Obama Rock Star DVD... Unbelievable!!!!!!!!!!!

And, that's when... THEN, my head exploded.

Namaste' Till Next Time,
Holly