Friday, October 12, 2012

No, I Don't Believe I Will

Not too long ago, My Lion had occasion to say to me, "Be the bigger person."  It was a situation where he sympathized with me completely and knew that I was really struggling.  Out of my deep love for him, I accepted his advise.  Because, there was so much I could have said, and done; up to and including cutting the other person's head off and handing it to them before they fell to the ground.

The natural warrior instinct in me was raging to be let loose!  And, the part of me who is the peace keeper just wanted to throw up her hands and say, "Let the pieces fall where they may."  But, for the sake of all of the others who were in the situation with us, I couldn't. So I shut my pie-hole and ate all the things I wanted to say.

But here's the thing, unlike usual, the passage of time hasn't cooled my temper.  I'm still angry. I don't want to be the bigger person any longer.  Not as it relates to this individual.  I'm not able to do it any more.  I'm tired of doing it.  There's no pay-off; nothing in it for me to keep doing it.

No, I don't believe I will be the bigger person any longer.  I don't think anyone should constantly be asked to take the high road in a relationship.  It's not equitable or reasonable.  It's not even a relationship; it's a time bomb.

So, I wonder, does it make me a bad person?  Have you ever come to the point when there was nothing left to say except, "I'm done.  I can't be the bigger person all the time.  I don't want to do it anymore with you.  You'll just have to go find other people who are willing to tolerate you and always be the bigger person when it comes to the way you treat people.  I'm out."

Is it all right for me to admit I'm a failure when it comes to being the bigger person?

Namaste' Till Next Time,


Rocky Creek Scotties and Rocky Creek Ramblings said...

Holly, don't ever say, "I'm a failure" because that is unacceptable. You are NOT a failure and never will be. You are the bigger person by accepting the fact that some relationships must end - and that, my dear, takes some mighty broad shoulders!!


Colette said...


I too have been in this situation recently. And it ate at me. One morning as my love woke up I explained that I let loose with both barrels, for I had had enough of the hatred spewed at me. I knew it would unfortunately roll down hill and hit those I care deeply about. While it needed to be said and I am not in the least bit sorry for saying it, the receiving party was not only deaf to my words but dumb as well. Because they will unfortunately be in my life forever i find myself having to take the high road almost weekly. I now choose to have no direct contact with this individual but it still eats at me and i find myself writing long missives that I will never send. Strangely just getting out of my system can go a long way towards carrying me forward another week.

Debra She Who Seeks said...

Life is too short to put up with people who are a pain in the ass. You have the right to live your life free of their BS.

Miss Robyn said...

i wrote about a friend on my latest post.. I tried to be the bigger person, but like you, I found it difficult. I have worked and worked on this over the past months and I think finally i have rid myself of the anger over the issue.. I agree with Debra - life is too short to be putting up with people who are a pain in the butt or a drain on your energy. no, you are not a failure xo

Mac said...

The very notion of being the "bigger person" is saying your are better than someone else or putting yourself on a pedestal.

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