Well, that's not really true. I have thoughts...about changing the next load of clothes from the washer to the drier. About the need to clean the stove top. Wash the kitchen floor....sit and doter through Pinterest. Look at my Facebook page, yet again.
Do I really need to make the bed again today? I just did that yesterday. Who's here to see it if I don't make it? Who even cares if I do or don't. I wonder what that stupid dog of mine is barking at now; I don't see a thing.
When I vacuum, do the marks made in the rug have to be even? When was the last time I had the Orek in for service? Is there gas in my car?
Should I just break down and put the heat on? It's only early October for heaven's sake! Maybe just put on another sweater or something...quit being a wimp.
The clock needs winding. Crap, the dust bunnies are back big time. So are the Stink Bugs. I hate these stink bugs! Wonder why I'm not interested in music lately?
I wonder why I have nothing new or in-depth to write about? I wonder when I lost my enthusiasm for blogging? Did I lose it or did I just run out of things to say? How the hell can someone like me run out of things to say?
How do you avoid running out of things to say? Was anyone listening anyway? Did it serve a purpose? If I stopped, would anyone care?
I wonder what Laura did with that box of all my formal journals I left for her to keep? They represent hours of my life as I wrote them and I suppose I was hopeful that some of my journey may assist her with hers. I hope it does. If she even reads them.
Why do we journal any way? It's actually the same with blogging. Why do we blog? It starts out as a need to connect; it starts out as a portal and conduit for the creative energy built up in all of us. It starts as a need to share. To be seen. To be heard. To be recognized.
I look back on some of my earlier postings and have to admit that I'm proud of the breadth and depth of the topics I covered. I'm proud of the writing; it's good and solid. My writing is directed and sometimes rich and deep. Now?
Not so much. And, because I took my eyes off the creative horizon, the travel to my page has dropped off and few new readers find their way to the site. If I did it for myself, does it really matter if anyone ever comes to read it? Was that the real reason I started the blog? However and whatever, it's my fault if readership has dropped off. Wait. No it's not...it's Blogger's fault; it has sucked my brain dry.
I intended to blog regularly. To use it as a creative exercise and a way to keep my skills sharp. But, days have gone by and I haven't written anything. NOTHING! Where did my enthusiasm go? Where did my ideas go? I still go to various blogs to see what's being posted there and to check in with writers that I've grown to love and I very rarely even write a comment. Oh crap...I've become a lurker instead of a participant!! What the hell has happened to me?!
And then, I stop thinking a fleeting thought of blogging when the next snippet of stupid pops into my brain...
The price of food! Sweet Jumpin' Baby Jesus!! The cost of food?! INCREDIBLE! Trust me, I'm like most Americans...I'm price sensitive and not price conscious. And, if I can SEE the cost of food increasing, it's not just a small increase! It's an increase that is enough to be noticed and it's not just occasionally, it's pretty much all the time!
What the hell are we supposed to do? How are we supposed to make ends meet? What can I do better to be more fiscally responsible to my household budget?! How do I become a better domestic engineer?
Because I may as well embrace that role since my professional life has come to a stand still. I may as well establish myself as proficient in that capacity as I worked so hard to establish it in my professional life.
Is this the way most people feel? Does it all seem as momentarily chaotic and fruitless as my thoughts would suggest? Niggling. Small. Inconsequential. Meaningless to the wide audience. Tiny. Silly. Gnats...thought gnats. I used to have big thoughts and ideas and now in the space that has been vacated, I've only a swarm of tiny thought gnats.
I used to have giant thoughts...deep thoughts and ideas worth writing about. But, maybe we have only a finite amount of those big ideas and notions. And, maybe, thanks to blogging, I've shot my wad and there's nothing else to consider or share.
Yep...blogging has sucked my brain dry, it seems. And now the biggest question...
Namaste' Till Next Time,
Holly aka She Who Wonders If This Is Sustainable