I'm one of those people who stays stuck in the notion that my life was better 'then' than 'now'. I'm constantly having to resist the urge to spend all my time looking backward. Like I've said before, thinking like this is as deadly as attempting to drive a car by looking constantly at the rear view mirror. It can't be done.
So as it relates to my blog, I possibly have exhausted most of my great stories or memories in the four years I've been at this. Now comes the hard part of finding the fodder de jour. Finding the interesting in the here and now. Finding the courage to be creative in the mundane.
If I really think I'm such a good writer, well, it's time to step up. It's harder to be a writer when you're not on assignment; when you don't have an editor giving you the big idea.
If I'm really such a crack reporter, I'll find the nugget of worthwhile to commit to the written word.
Most importantly though, I'll continue to invest the energy in mySelf. I'll take this process on as a form of prayer; an active acknowledgement of a gift given to me by Spirit. A use of that skill simply for me as if there is no one else in the world who might listen or care.
Because the fact is, when I pray, I don't pray for anyone else to acknowledge, or comment, or even know. The only One who matters is me and Spirit. Ego has not a thing to do with it. Go sit down in the corner and keep quiet, Ego. This is not your time. It's mySelf's.
If I pray every day, and I do, then clearly I can or could blog every day. It's not necessary, though. (The writing bit; the prayer? Most definitely a daily need.) But, when I sit down to pray out loud which is how I will now think of this blog, it has to be pure. It has to be real. It has to be simply by me, for me. Not for an audience; not for approval. Prayer is not whiny or needy. Well, I suppose it can be, but I'd prefer that mine isn't. So, this blog needs to reflect the same.
And, should another soul hear the prayer or find they can respond or relate to my public prayer, well, that's superlative! But, it's also simply a by-product and not the thrust of my endeavor.
If someone ventures here, they should do so with the understanding that they've walked into a practice session. They're hearing my efforts to acknowledge the gift that has been given. They'll witness me doing the harder job of being in the now instead of venerating my past.
I think I get it now...it's not about you reading or not reading. It's about me writing. Or not writing. It's about me looking at the now and dreaming about the future; not just recounting my stories and feeling my best days are somehow behind me. It's not about writing for you so much as it is the polishing of me.
It's about me making the effort to invest in my creative voice. It's not a perfect voice, it can sound off-key, but it surely won't get better unless I use it and invest. So, for today, this is the investment. And, for today, that is enough.
I Think I Get It; Amen.
Namaste' Till Next Time,
Holly aka She Who Is A Writer