Another also replays many nights; I hate it. This inability to collapse into sleep without tossing and turning. The worst is-- I fall asleep very quickly only to have my eyes flap open like a window shade snaps up without warning.
Last night was one of those. It seemed it would go peacefully, seemed being the operative world. I ran through the Distance Reiki list of all those animals and Humans who have requested Reiki to assist with their needs. It's how I start and end my days. At night, doing this work makes me relax and drift off. Morpheus is waiting with arms extended, but some nights he plays me false and just as I enter his embrace, he closes his arms and evaporates. Men...
But last night, tossing in bed as I watched the clock creep to 2AM, it felt different and a bit unsettling, because I was visited by another circumstance that proves I've been alive for awhile now. Last night I was visited by a chorus of faces that I have loved and who have died. Unbidden they came. Some I had not actively thought of in a long time; others are those few who I never not think on.
At first, I found all of them gathered in my consciousness more than a bit disconcerting. I fretted about why they were all there of a sudden. Did it mean something? Was there a purpose? What are you trying to tell me?!
Not my Dad, nor my Aunt Kat, nor any of my immediate family were there. Instead, these were all dear friends. People who had played a pivotal role, either in terms of my growth as a Real Human Being, or had died at points in my life to help me understand what it means to suffer loss. Died and helped me experience what it means to lose someone I cared about and what life feels like after.
I slowly began to relax, realizing that they simply wished to visit to confirm that death doesn't change the truth of things. Connections are still there. Attachment still remains. I sent Reiki blessings to each of them and thanked them for coming. I confirmed that they are always with me and what a joy it is to see them again. They returned the same sentiments.
And, with spiritual hugs completed, I fell asleep.
This morning, I still ponder why I would have had a party with Ghosts from my past...no answers yet. I wonder how the brain works that it would conjure them unbidden like that. Can a brain actually do that? Or, is it that love is bigger than our brains and it can manifest all on its own, in images that we can recognize and understand? No answers for these questions...
But, in the light of day, I'm able to realize that it is a blessing to have been reminded of all those who I have lived long enough to have loved and lost. I suppose along with confirmation that I am aging, I am also slowly becoming a Real Human Being. There is always a silver lining.
Namaste' Till Next Time,
Holly aka She Who Loves Them, Still