Monday, October 17, 2011

The Many Faces of Love

Ava looks a bit bemused by this picture business....and well, she may not take to having a camera flashed at her as much as Miss Livy seemed to take to it. However, we will have our monthly pictures for her first year! Laura is good like that, making sure from the very beginning that both of her girls feel loved in equal measure.

As to whether the girls feel that will be on them, not for Laura and Eric's efforts to do the right thing. It took me a long time to understand that how loved one feels is not always an exterior thing. Meaning, no matter how much or little love one feels from another is very often a product of what we allow; what we recognize; what we will accept; what we choose to feel. We have to be emotionally healthy enough to recognize love in all of its multiple forms.

Admittedly, it's easier to sense love when you are around loving, kind, caring individuals. The sort who are obvious with their affection. But, the more emotionally mature one is, the more one is able to identify love in action, as well as love in words and romantic ideals. Like, all these years later, I know that Nanny, The World's Meanest Woman, loved me and her family. But, she showed that love in the way she kept us warm and clean and well fed. It was not in her to talk about love or even saying, "I love you." Her life in the Old Country was too hard and dire to have learned the gentle, flowery parts of love.

If you want to know what I'm talking about, this ability to be open and ready for love, think about some that you know-- No matter how much you do for them, or say to them, or attempt to let them know they are loved, it's never, never, ever enough. After awhile you get worn out in your efforts to make them feel loved and part of the important parts of your life. Finally, you get to the point where you just can't give anymore. You won't give anymore. You just can't.

People like that have internal work to can't love them into lovability. You can't love them enough to ever make them understand. You can't make them feel love. You can't explain to them that there is a vast difference between being lovable and being needy.

It's not until we learn to fall and be in love with ourselves that we can be open and receive love from external sources. And for most of us, that takes years of struggling until we finally get it. If all other forms of love vanished, would you still understand love because of what you give yourself? I hope so.

I'd like to think I've worked hard to understand that it's my willingness to be open to love that has made me feel more loved. I've stopped expecting that love will come in a form that I can easily comprehend or digest. All forms of true love are worthy and welcome. Because love is, after all, love. There will never be enough of it. Who am I to turn it down if it's not the color I like best?

Also, I've learned that you can't chase love or demand it. You can't go to a dry well to find water; likewise, you can't expect love from individuals and situations that aren't right for you, aren't meant for you. You have to have the courage to move on to the places and people who are supposed to be in your life. And you must be willing to learn the art of loving yourself so that it remains the one constant in a life which is constantly changing.

Feeling all the forms of love requires that you accept an individual just as they are in your life. You must give them the latitude to love you in their way. Be grateful for it as it comes and continue to expect more love in life.

And, following Nanny's example of Love In Action, I made Thanksgiving dinner yesterday. The whole kit 'n caboodle. Yep, right down to the cranberries. While Evan is here and Melissa could be here, too, the whole Frock Family sat down and was grateful to be together and share a meal of thanksgiving. It's more about a state of mind than a date on the calender, don't you think?

I have to go now. Rory just walked in and stood up on my chair. He only does this occasionally and it means he wants to sit on my lap and give me Scottie smooshies. Who am I to turn down puppy love?! My wish for you is that you feel Love today. And, if no one is around to make it easy for you to sense that love exists, please, whisper, "I truly Love YOU," to yourself and really, really mean it.

Namaste' Till Next Time,
Holly aka She Who Is Loved

1 comment:

Joanna Jenkins said...

Dear Holly, YOU have been on my mind so much lately-- I mean really on my mind A LOT. I've been meaning to email you to catch up and tell you that I was thinking of you and to ask how Evan was doing so I could send him a Thanksgiving card!

And then you have this beautiful and honest post that sums LOVE all up perfectly-- "...You can't love them into lovability..." Jeez, it took me a very long time to learn that one.

Miss Ava and big sister Olivia have a wonderful Love Roll Model in you. Their world is better having you in and, and so is mine.

Miss you and love you. xo jj

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