Tuesday, April 20, 2010

Magic Brew...

My Lion is away in Texas this week for training. He says it is going well. He's anxious to get moving on his new role in this company that continues to astound him for their principals and the way they conduct their business. More about that another time.

I find that after the goodbyes at the door, I don't mind when he's gone. I miss him terribly, but I don't mind that we're not together. It gives us a chance to coo to each other on the telephone the way we did when we were dating.

Last night we talked to each other countless times on the commercials during "24", one of his favorites. There are rules about watching this show; absolutely no talking while Jack's on the screen. All talking must remain suspended until the commercials. I never broke the rule and it may be why he decided he loves me...I can't be certain. So last night we talked during the commercials like when we were first dating and I love it.

I suppose the 11 years I lived on my own will always color the way I live now. I miss Michael like crazy, but I'm absolutely all right with being here alone. Except last night was trash night and I hate taking it out and that's his job, so...

But there are good things, too. Like this morning... I got out my French press and made the most delicious cup of coffee. The foam that created on the top as the grounds swirled in the boiling water...ahhh, heavenly.

There's lots about me that Michael cannot really relate to, like my obsession with teas, my preference to drink my coffee from a press, rubber stamps. There are others, but let's just leave it here. The beauty of it all is that he accepts them as part of me and loves me because of them, not despite them.

So having the time apart means that I can bring out the French press, and treat myself to the perfect cuppa. So perfect in fact, I'm sharing it with you.

It even came with its very own butterfly to make me smile. See it? Or have I truly lost my mind? Please tell me you see it...

I've been in such a twist lately about all this selling of our home and the unknown of what and where at the end of this part of the journey. So uncertain, so many questions so few answers, so little control over the variables, so, so, so MUCH...feeling so sad about leaving my home here and the neighbors I have been lucky enough to make here. All of which has log jammed my spirit and my thoughts.

I suppose it's only natural to be wistful about saying goodbye to those things....

...saying goodbye to this front door when the time comes.

But after serious soul searching in the quiet hours this week, I realize that all I can do is open my hands, my heart, and my mind to possibility and accept that I must walk in faith in the absence of facts to steer me. I had a long discussion last night with Spirit when I finally said, "I trust, I believe, I walk one step at a time guided by your greater vision and knowing."

This morning's daily meditation, was this answer:

Believe in God's infinite capacity to surprise and delight us with a future that will be blessed in ways we cannot imagine or anticipate.

Thank you for letting me know you heard me.

So today, I spend my day cleaning up the house again in anticipation of someone soon wanting to buy this house so I can move forward to building our home again regardless of its shape and address with Michael....

...and of course, my wonderful Rory & Fiona.

Namaste' Till Next Time,
Holly aka She Who Believes


Pyroclasm Jones said...

Good morning, Miss Holly. I didn't see a butterfly, but before I had scrolled down to read what you saw, I laughed and said, "Oh, the coffee has a little dog bone in it!" :)

Sarah said...

Nope not crazy I saw a butterfly too..but maybe it could be a dog bone. I will admit I have never had coffee from a press...and I do love my coffee..maybe I shouldn't temp myself huh?
I am so sad for you hon..the moving is so hard ..all the unknowns and leaving behinds. Sending gentle loving hugs your way my friend. Love, Sarah

Desert Mermaid said...

Yes, I see the mariposa fluttering in your French Press Foam!

and I, too, love being alone, though alas the way things are I have no one to miss right now. So I don't, miss anyone, just sometimes ponder the idea of someone. Some day.

Alison said...

Most definitely a butterfly! And when you move you can take your coffee press with you.... along with Michael, Rory and Fiona of course! I got so much better at being on my own when I was in France, but it's still not my favourite thing. After John died I was alone for the very first time in my life and I didn't like it. Times on my own are great - I just hadn't anticipated full-time! But I have a pretty rich life, so no complaints. Finding a gorgeous SINGLE Frenchman would have been good, but hey.... duzzin madder! Luv ya!

Kris said...

I could go for a cup a somethin' right now!!!

Kathleen Krucoff said...

I see the butterfly!

I can relate to your love of quiet times by yourself, yet missing your soul mate like crazy.

Thanks for sharing moments with us.

Jeanne Klaver said...

Love that butterfly--and YES I saw it right away. I always looked at moving as A Great Adventure and I've never been disappointed. Enjoy this change...they all come for a reason.

Cinner said...

Holly, I saw a butterfly right away and well now it could be a dogbone too. I am sorry you are having to go through all of this, the ups and downs and unknows, I love my alone times...sometime...Big hug to you my friend...LOVE YA.

Sara said...

I too see the butterfly. What a sweet treat.

Hugs to you now and always... enjoy your quiet time. And know that things will always be as they should be. xx

Robyn said...

Love to you Holly x

all is good :)

and how to you get those woof dogs to pose... they're natural models.

miss*R said...

are you selling your home Holly?
forgive me I am a little [make that alot] behind.. just stuff going on the past months..have been meaning to pop by for ages but here I am now.. to catch up!

when dutch husband is away [that does not happen often] I fret. but I also make mushroom risotto.. for my dinner.

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