Magic Brew...

My Lion is away in Texas this week for training. He says it is going well. He's anxious to get moving on his new role in this company that continues to astound him for their principals and the way they conduct their business. More about that another time.

I find that after the goodbyes at the door, I don't mind when he's gone. I miss him terribly, but I don't mind that we're not together. It gives us a chance to coo to each other on the telephone the way we did when we were dating.

Last night we talked to each other countless times on the commercials during "24", one of his favorites. There are rules about watching this show; absolutely no talking while Jack's on the screen. All talking must remain suspended until the commercials. I never broke the rule and it may be why he decided he loves me...I can't be certain. So last night we talked during the commercials like when we were first dating and I love it.

I suppose the 11 years I lived on my own will always color the way I live now. I miss Michael like crazy, but I'm absolutely all right with being here alone. Except last night was trash night and I hate taking it out and that's his job, so...

But there are good things, too. Like this morning... I got out my French press and made the most delicious cup of coffee. The foam that created on the top as the grounds swirled in the boiling water...ahhh, heavenly.

There's lots about me that Michael cannot really relate to, like my obsession with teas, my preference to drink my coffee from a press, rubber stamps. There are others, but let's just leave it here. The beauty of it all is that he accepts them as part of me and loves me because of them, not despite them.

So having the time apart means that I can bring out the French press, and treat myself to the perfect cuppa. So perfect in fact, I'm sharing it with you.

It even came with its very own butterfly to make me smile. See it? Or have I truly lost my mind? Please tell me you see it...

I've been in such a twist lately about all this selling of our home and the unknown of what and where at the end of this part of the journey. So uncertain, so many questions so few answers, so little control over the variables, so, so, so MUCH...feeling so sad about leaving my home here and the neighbors I have been lucky enough to make here. All of which has log jammed my spirit and my thoughts.

I suppose it's only natural to be wistful about saying goodbye to those things....

...saying goodbye to this front door when the time comes.

But after serious soul searching in the quiet hours this week, I realize that all I can do is open my hands, my heart, and my mind to possibility and accept that I must walk in faith in the absence of facts to steer me. I had a long discussion last night with Spirit when I finally said, "I trust, I believe, I walk one step at a time guided by your greater vision and knowing."

This morning's daily meditation, was this answer:

Believe in God's infinite capacity to surprise and delight us with a future that will be blessed in ways we cannot imagine or anticipate.

Thank you for letting me know you heard me.

So today, I spend my day cleaning up the house again in anticipation of someone soon wanting to buy this house so I can move forward to building our home again regardless of its shape and address with Michael....

...and of course, my wonderful Rory & Fiona.

Namaste' Till Next Time,
Holly aka She Who Believes

I know That!

Perhaps not the best way to start a new week, this thinking about guilt. I mean, who really wants to face it? But, two of my daily messages talked about it, and I couldn't help but be reminded of what I know, what I absolutely believe to be true....

Let's all take a moment and be reminded that guilt is a totally empty, wasteful emotion. Guilt is a waste of your precious energy! And, it's probably one of the heaviest weights you rest on your psychic shoulders.

But we do it all the time without even stopping to consider...WE do it to ourselves.

No one makes us feel guilty; we allow ourselves to be guilty. No one can make us shoulder the burden of it and wrap ourselves in the stifling air of it. We do it to ourselves.

Stupid, when you think on it. I know all this and yet...

I'm not sure if guilt is swirling around in my emotional stew of late, but I sense it's there, just like I can sense the taste of cilantro in food, "Oh yeah, there it is....I so don't like Cilantro. Why does everything have Cilantro in it lately?!"

I suspect that with trying to sell the house and wondering what we'll have left to start over, and not being able to find a job in all the time we've been here, and knowing how much pressure Michael has been under as we built this glorious house and lived our charmed life, how hard he's worked to make ends meet every month, and I always seem to fail to help him, oh the shame of it all!

Oh, yeah, see? There it is. It's in there. My Emotional Cilantro. Found you! Yuk.

Things are what they are. Life is built one decision at a time. At the end of it, does it make you a better, more aware, compassionate, conscious person? Do you know more about yourself on your quest to become Real? If so, stop wasting the remaining time carrying guilt around. Accept it as it is, all of it, even the parts you wish you could do over.

And realize you probably did the best you knew how to do at the time. Sometimes life is just life and there is no deeper meaning. We've all heard about random acts of kindness; if that can happen than random acts of crappy are also possible. Sometimes we just get dealt crappy cards. Sometimes it simply is what it is unfortunate as it may be.

Or, maybe you didn't do the very best and you know that. Sometimes we're just bone heads that do less than stellar things. Maybe you just slacked off when you should have tried harder. Yeah sometimes... Even so, you're still ahead of the game if the next choice you have to make is the best choice you can make. You're still ahead.

Remember, life is not played in innings or quarters; it's a sum total game. If you're breathing, you still have time. Don't waste it! Drop the guilt; feel the new lightness of Being. Pick your head up and square your shoulders. Today is a new day look it in the eye and smile. Make today your new favorite guiltless pleasure!

Namaste' Till Next Time,
Holly aka She Who is Momentarily Guiltless

Silent Sermon Sunday

God gives us these growing things as signs and symbols of redeeming love for the whole of Creation.

~ Vigen Guroian

Namaste' Till Next Time,
Holly aka She Who Hopes to Continue to Grow
photo from my wonderful gardens