Friday, April 27, 2012

I So Need To Believe This Is True...

  I've been feeling a wee bit sad and lost of late. I can't attribute it to any one thing, it's more a feeling that follows me and every once in awhile, gets in front of me and blocks my way.

I try to be reasonable about it; ponder down to the root of its cause; realize that feelings pass; know that emotions aren't solidly held in place and given time will change again. And, when I've done all that I try to be kind to myself and say, "Well just feel it and let it go, there's obviously no answer for it today."

Recently, without caring anymore about my pride and sense of professional Self, in order to respond to My Lion's need to have my help with our budget, I went on a job hunt. It wasn't for anything that my resume proves I am highly qualified to do. It wasn't for a job in PR/Marketing. It wasn't for someone with years of managerial experience, which I have successfully navigated. It wasn't for a teaching position at the area colleges. It wasn't as a staff writer. No- none of those.

It was to be a greeter at an area car dealership. A dealership, I might add, where Michael and I have purchased many cars and one of the leading salesmen can vouch for me. And, that's all right...I'm okay with it. In fact, I think I'd find it interesting.

I've arrived at the point in my life where I understand that good work is not defined by the title or position. Good work is defined, for me, as anything that allows me to contribute and serve. And, good work is anything that helps me to feel better about myself and my gifts. Good work is about assisting to ease, even slightly, the on-going struggle most of us have with money, and the lack there-of.

I went in, filled-out the application, handing it to the Sales Manager as I left after a few words of pleasant conversation. I looked nice, sounded competent and capable. Projected warmth. Had a smile on my face and in my voice. I did everything I could, to once again, land a job here. So far, I've not been asked back for an interview and that was a couple of weeks ago...

I resist the urge to scream, "Oh for god's sake! REALLY? REALLY?! Not even qualified to be a greeter?!?!?!"

This morning, I started the computer and went to my daily meditation and found this that I'm sharing with you.  I so need to believe this is true:

The Real Work
It may be that when we no longer know what to do
we have come to our real work,
and that when we no longer know which way to go
we have come to our real journey.
The mind that is not baffled is not employed.
The impeded stream is the one that sings.

If you're feeling like I am, I hope it will help. I'm hoping it will help me. I'm tired of feeling less-than and not good enough. And, so the real work of getting my Self back on track will begin again. I'll start today. I'll find the ways to remember the truth of me. I'll hope the very same for you.

Namaste' Till Next Time,
Holly aka She Who Continues To Try


Donna Hufman said...

Hello Holly,
With the many changes in my life.....(I've recently separated from my husband of 32 years, it was my doing and something I've pondered for many years).....a couple of weeks ago, I posted the following on my facebook wall: I had enough of "not good enough" so I decided to do better.....

Here's to doing better Holly!

Take care,

joyce said...

I really like that poem. I know that lost feeling too, and the feeling of forcing myself to let it pass.
I think you'd be a great greeter...your friendliness, openess, honesty and caring attitude come through loud and clear on the computer, I can only imagine you in "real life"
As to the job of a greeter, my dad always said to me and now to my sons, "I don't care if you're a doctor, a lawyer, a construction worker or a garbage man, as long as you like what you are doing. I can imagine greeting would be very satisfying, not to me though cause I am way too shy and hate having to make conversation!

Just Stuff From a Boomer said...

I'm sure you were very charming at the dealership. I do know the compeition is stiff out there and every year college graduates are dumped into a workforce population where there are no jobs. I'll cross my fingers and toes for you.

Miss Robyn said...

dear sweet Holly - I am here with you on the 'wee bit sad & lost of late'.. here, holding your hand.. 'cause that is what you have done for me over time.. I hope this passes - not sure what to say about your employment but I do now that you are certainly better than 'good enough'.. you are a Queen xo - love to you Holly xoox

Joanna Jenkins said...

I agree with Robyn-- You are a Queen.

I understand feeling a bit sad and lost and I hope that feeling has passed by the time you read this.

As far as I'm concerned the only thing worse then trying on bathing suits in front of gigantic three-way mirrors is going on job interviews. I so feel your pain, and KNOW that you would be great at any job, giving 100% of your professional Self to an employer.

I'm holding good thoughts for you my friend. Hang in there.

xoxoxo jj

Blog Widget by LinkWithin

My Previous Musings